Help - friend has turned out to be a competitive school mum!

[Ifyouknowyouknowyouknow]

My DS has just started reception. One of my neighbours has a DS in the same year as my son. We’ve just moved to the area and she’s the only other local parent I know.

There was a coffee morning this week for the reception parents. I joined a chat with my neighbour where she was basically bragging about how bright her DS is/how much he knows. It was all quite humble braggy - “oh he just really loves reading but I know all kids catch up eventually” and “he’s been fascinated by science for years, it’s hilarious” 🤦‍♀️. I could see the other mums were raising their eyebrows at it.

I feel embarrassed for her but also don’t want people to think I am like this too! I’d really like to make more local friends. I kept trying to change the subject and eventually succeeded - presumably that’s the best course of action? Do you think she will calm down or are people just like this?

If it was me, and she was a close friend, I'd have to say something to her. We can all get a bit insular when it comes to kids but it's important to learn to read the room and know that bragging about our own kids might not always be welcomed.

Yeah I know. Trouble is she’s not a close friend - only met her during the summer though we have hung out a fair bit as we knew our kids would be going to school together so have done a few play dates.

It’s a bit awkward as she seemed totally oblivious.

She doesn't sound that bad?! If these are the worst things she does then honestly you are massively over thinking. Mum's should be able to be proud of their children without having to qualify it with handwringing inclusivity as she's already doing to mitigate her own pleasure. "all the kids will catch up" etc.
You need to calm down and stop worrying and being so judgy!

Don't worry she'll get it. And as long as you aren't saying similar stuff no one will think you are like her! But she will realise her child isn't a junior Einstein pretty soon.

This video made me laugh about people bragging about their kids/making up profound things they've said
www.facebook.com/reel/5519330034755991?s=chYV2B&fs=e

It’s hard to set it all out without being very identifiable but she turned everything round into a brag about her child (eg “what are you doing at half term?” “ a sports camp”. “Oh my DS is just so good at sport, no idea where he gets it from as I’m not but at nursery none of the other kids could keep up with him ha ha ha”). If it was one thing I wouldn’t have remarked on it but we covered all academic subjects, sport and music. I’m possibly being very over sensitive though as I’m always very conscious not to do that kind of thing!

I have an ex-friend like this.

It's embarrassing and totally draining to have to listen to her monologues of her offspring's greatness. Literally no one cares, and it's all BS too.

I've never mention it but I just don't bother to see her anymore if I can avoid it. Sadly we are off to their house for the weekend soon, dreading it and practicing gritting my teeth.

They won’t think you’re like it if you’re not doing it and they would have noticed you trying to change the subject.

Theres always a few parents like this, often not the parents of those that are actually excelling. 😬 She’ll either continue and people will avoid her or she’ll notice she’s boring people and stop. Leave her to it. Chat to others about other things.

I had a few friends like this too, I just stopped seeing them. It was unbearable after years. Worth noting now genius dd we were all endlessly told was amazing at everything turned out to be very average with below average GCSE results, this outcome has been the only thing that eventually stopped said friend from constantly competing with everyone around her.

I would ditch, there is a difference between the odd snippet that your kid made county cricket after playing for donkeys and endless bragging.

How do they know you are friends? I would Steer clear from her at school but be friendly out of school and just change the subject.

If you've seen motherland....she sounds like an Amanda...

She’s just proud of her kid, who cares?

🤣🤣🤣…

Manus …and how Marvellous is he…

Just leave her be. If you don't like her, don't hang out with her. Let people make their own friends and decisions without feeling you need to intervene.

You know what op. These people are ten a Penny at the school gates. You’ll meet many many more …..

Either suck it up and listen to the bullshit or avoid. These people are not your friends . Not real friends anyway

Personally I choose the latter and it’s stood me in good stead so far…

People who do this are so insecure. No one cares if you think your child is a genius! The minute I hear anything like this from someone I make a mental note to avoid them.

It's more than that though, isn't it? You can be overwhelmingly proud of your dc without having to say so. It's competitive boasting, and nobody likes a bighead.

Exactly this! And I don’t want to be Anne 🤣

It’s only a competition if you’re competitive. Otherwise it’s just a woman bragging about her kids, and who’s she harming?

He’ll be throwing the beanbag in the Olympics one day! 😆

Leave her to it - she may settle down if it is just caused by the anxiety of her DC starting school.

If you aren't doing it nobody will judge you. Don't try to cut her off or steer the conversation awayv- you don't need to control what she says. I would guess some of your reaction is also due to anxiety about fitting into this new social group.

There's no actual harm, other than it being bloody irritating. I don't know about you, but I don't particularly want to spend time with people who irritate me.

In the scheme of annoying things that people say and do, this is very mild.

If she's only like this in the company of all the other parents but is ok when it's just the two of you then I wouldn't worry about it. Just don't ever get drawn in to letting her know anything about your DC's achievements or what level he's on the reading scheme or whatever. If she's like it all the time then it will probably get boring so you could meet up with her less often.

If they are my friends I like hearing about their kids little wins and achievements, why not, it's not like it's a competition, it's just being proud or happy about your kid.

Even people I don't class as friends but just mums I know, I still don't mind them chatting about good things their kids have done. It's nice, but then I don't think it's a competition so it don't read that into it.