Help - friend has turned out to be a competitive school mum!

[Ifyouknowyouknowyouknow]

My DS has just started reception. One of my neighbours has a DS in the same year as my son. We’ve just moved to the area and she’s the only other local parent I know.

There was a coffee morning this week for the reception parents. I joined a chat with my neighbour where she was basically bragging about how bright her DS is/how much he knows. It was all quite humble braggy - “oh he just really loves reading but I know all kids catch up eventually” and “he’s been fascinated by science for years, it’s hilarious” 🤦‍♀️. I could see the other mums were raising their eyebrows at it.

I feel embarrassed for her but also don’t want people to think I am like this too! I’d really like to make more local friends. I kept trying to change the subject and eventually succeeded - presumably that’s the best course of action? Do you think she will calm down or are people just like this?

I had a similar situation with a mum I knew “before school” and then our kids went to the same school. I’d only ever hung out with her just us two and hadn’t truly got an objective perspective on the way she was until we were in a group. She was a bit like how you describe your friend and it was very awkward- I had the same worries as you - that I’d be judged by association. Particularly because when you read things on here (and elsewhere!) you know how quick people are to assume there’s a “clique full of bitches” or whatever, and assign a few stereotypes.

My policy has been to not be overtly enthusiastic or applauding of her, and just try my hardest to be myself, not get too drawn in to her agenda, be friendly, be interested in what other mums have got to say etc, and hope that eventually that’s what people notice. Hopefully it’s working but it is hard. I understand that for the mum in question she’s nice deep down and a bit insecure- I don’t want to hurt her feelings by excluding her either. It’s a tough one!

Oh dear. Sounds like she has a bit too much time on her hands. Perhaps needs to be given more to do at work.

Why would she focus more on work than her children?

Friends yes! New acquaintances no. It’s very braggy.

I heard a new school mum telling her husband after a play date
"Oh don't worry they've lived there for years there is no way they could afford that house now, as we've just moved here they must know we are better off than them"

She’s only a neighbour, why do you need to get involved / why does it matter to you?

Thanks, good and sensible replies here.

She’s a neighbour and our kids are friends and in the same class at school so will be in each other’s lives for a while. And I do like her 1-1, when she’d never done this weird bragging thing before.

I’d definitely like to make friends with other people in the area so am probably being over sensitive here. But yes, I didn’t want people to be judging her and me by association. @Pilotlite has summed it up really well I think - will try that approach.