Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Nannies - does it annoy you if houses are disorganised

73 replies

LovelyQuiche · 30/09/2022 10:56

Our house is clean but a bit messy and there’s always something that needs doing.

I’m working a lot at the moment (full time but a bit random days) and dp works full time. We have a 10month old daughter

I make sure there’s food and nappies etc for dc, I turn the dishwasher on before I leave the house in the morning but the kitchen surfaces won’t be wiped because I’ve sorted breakfasts and lunches and the bins might not have been emptied and there’s clothes on the landing and shit in the lounge etc etc

i wish I had time to do everything but I don’t and dp does minimal as he’s a bloke (sorry I know it’s cliche). He does help in other ways

when I’m at work I sometimes think it might nark the nanny that things aren’t left in a tidy state for her when she comes in. But I’m flat out getting various shit done and it feels like fire-fighting

I assumed this is probably normal for a family but sometimes it crosses my mind that maybe the nanny might feel a bit…I don’t know…disrespected?

she’s lovely and seems to like working with us

OP posts:
Original poster
LovelyQuiche · 30/09/2022 11:45

LadySybilRamekin · 30/09/2022 11:41

Not a nanny but employer - I run around like a blue-arsed fly before leaving the house to make sure surfaces are clean and dirty dishes put away/stacked up by the sink. It's not fair on the nanny to have dirty laundry etc. all over the place - it's their place of work. Random clean clutter is fine in my book though, as long as there's place to prepare food and sit down and eat.

there’s no dirty laundry around
the clothes on the landing are clean just need to be sorted

OP posts:
TheTeenageYears · 30/09/2022 11:45

I have no experience from a nanny perspective but as the default person at home it really really pisses me off when stuff is left by others in the house as it feels like they assume I'll deal with it but I suppose sometimes it might just be them dashing out the door. I think the easiest approach with the nanny might just be to have a conversation with her basically saying what your op says - you don't always have time to get all the crap done before leaving the house and it's absolutely no reflection on you seeing it as her responsibility. If she wasn't there you would just deal with it when you get home so what's the best approach? Is she happy to just see past it, run a cloth over the surfaces if it's an area she needs, paid to pick up the slack etc? I think as long as you are honest about it not being a her problem then it should be fine.

Brefugee · 30/09/2022 11:46

Seconds. But it’s not just that - all the micro jobs that need doing all add up and I’m struggling to keep up

because you're allowing your DH to opt out. You know what you have to do. What's stopping you?

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Childcare & nursery Families
worriedatthistime · 30/09/2022 11:49

@Belladonnamama I mop them once a week generally , but wipe up spills my house is still clean , plus we don't eat of the floors and they get hoovered pretty much daily

TugboatAnnie · 30/09/2022 11:49

Your dh 'helps'? Wtaf, it's his house as well. Get the lazy git to do more. If you were working his hours, would the grunt work still fall to you? You both make the mess, you both clear up, clean, cook, launder, etc.

onemouseplace · 30/09/2022 11:51

Not a nanny, but not wiping the surfaces down after breakfast would really annoy me if I was going to spend the day in your house, making myself and your child meals/ snacks.

How long would it take you to do that after clearing the breakfast things? That makes you look like a right slob to be honest.

Things waiting to be put away etc wouldn’t bother me at all.

IHopeYouStepOnALegPiece · 30/09/2022 11:52

I’ve walked out of a job where I would leave the house clean and tidy and it would be a shit tip by the next morning, dinner/breakfast dishes, dirty sides (I don’t want to prepare food for myself or the children in a dirty kitchen frankly) and just a general lack of thought into how I left it. It’s disrespectful

NippyWoowoo · 30/09/2022 11:53

I'm a nanny. Yes it would bother me. It's the main thing I look for in an interview, when I go to someone's home. I do not want to be clearing a space on the table before we can do a craft. I do not want to be clearing the sink before washing up or having to wash pots and pans so that I can use them. I do not want to deal with children asking me where their toy is over and over again when there are toys tipped all over the floor and there is no organisation system. I do not want to expected to tidy rooms that are clearly never tidied when I am not there.

I maintain the system already in place, I do not reform it. It is not by job, my qualifications enable me to care for and nurture a child and their development, tidying and wiping down surfaces we use during the day is as far as my cleaning goes, other stuff is what a cleaner is for.

If I come in on a Monday to dried porridge on the floor, it is staying there, I'm not getting on my hands and knees to scrape it of. If you just toss your kids laundry in the drawers, that's fine by me, I will be doing the same. I will unpack the dishwasher, but if your Tupperware drawer is a collection of mismatched containers thrown in, I will throw the others in as well. I cannot be expected to keep your space tidy and organised when you will not do it yourself. My job is to care for the children.

Try and relate it to your own job, if before you can begin you're tasks you have to fix someone else's first every time.

CremeEggsForBreakfast · 30/09/2022 11:54

I'm a nanny and I don't give a toss. Parents are hiring me because they're at work all day and I expect them to use their time off to spend quality time with their child, not scrubbing to impress me.

The key though is expectations. One of the conversations I had at interview for my current family was around cleanliness standards. They explained that they wanted me to concentrate my attention on the child not the house so I was not expected to clean anything but that if dirty dishes by the sink was going to be an issue then they were not the family for me.

If the baby takes a nap then I will load/unload the dishwasher, put the child's clean laundry away, wipe surfaces etc but they're always grateful and don't badger me when it doesn't happen.

Other nannies I know are held to higher expectations and I can understand why it would be a bother to be told you must leave the kitchen nice but the parents are the ones who made the mess, for example. But it doesn't sound like that's your attitude.

NippyWoowoo · 30/09/2022 11:55

Seconds. But it’s not just that - all the micro jobs that need doing all add up and I’m struggling to keep up

Then you need a cleaner, not a nanny. A nanny isn't there to clean up after you.

FluffySocksAndHotChocolate · 30/09/2022 11:57

Sounds like you need a cleaner. That would seriously be a deal breaker for me. How can someone work in a dirty home?

Brefugee · 30/09/2022 11:59

Then you need a cleaner, not a nanny. A nanny isn't there to clean up after you.

nah, she needs her DH to pull his weight.

CatGrins · 30/09/2022 12:02

Unfortunately, clean but messy is a bit of an oxymoron. My house isn't perfect but know that the tidier it is, the better I can clean it.

MargaretThursday · 30/09/2022 12:04

I nannied and I really didn't care what the place looked like. I can't even remember whether they were show homes or untidy it mattered that little.
They didn't expect me to clean and tidy, I was there to look after the little one.

If they'd expected me to tidy up and clean before and I went then every morning it was dreadful again, as some are describing here, then it would have bothered me.

wellhelloitsme · 30/09/2022 12:09

i wish I had time to do everything but I don’t and dp does minimal as he’s a bloke (sorry I know it’s cliche).

It's 2022, this is ridiculous.

He does help in other ways

If you mean cooking, chores or childcare he isn't 'helping' he's doing basic adulting and parenting that is equally his responsibility.

I bet you wouldn't say that a woman cooking a family dinner or having the baby solo for an evening is 'helping' her partner.

Ifyouknowyouknowyouknow · 30/09/2022 12:11

We have a nanny and a cleaner. We expect our nanny to clean up the stuff she uses (so the dishes for the meals she makes etc) but not any of our stuff.

I will make sure the kitchen is clean in the mornings but occasionally end up running out the door with the kids breakfast bowls still on the table (DS takes ages with his and sometimes comes back for an extra go at it just before we go out the door). I’ve told the nanny that if that happens she can just leave them beside the sink. DH works from home so will sort them when he can.

I do leave clean laundry and toys lying around though (eg at top of the stairs or on kids beds). Do not expect the nanny to deal with it but also don’t expect to have to move it for her benefit.

ichimedin · 30/09/2022 12:13

your problem is having a lazy twat husband and you allowing it

Original poster
LovelyQuiche · 30/09/2022 12:20

@Brefugee
i know. You’re right.
i just can’t be arsed with another argument with dp right now - he’s just started a new job and dealing with a few things around that

OP posts:
Brefugee · 30/09/2022 12:23

you have my sympathy.
But at some point you have to bite the bullet. In the meantime - stop worrying about it unless and until the nanny mentions it.

Dixiechickonhols · 30/09/2022 12:56

I think you need kitchen clean enough that she can sort food for baby without cleaning up first. My teen leaves crumbs on work surface, bin full and unwashed bowls dumped in sink do I can’t fill kettle. So before I can make my food I have to clean her mess. It’s rude. Nanny is working and she needs to safely & quickly prep food for baby.
For the rest I don’t mop daily never known anyone to do that. As long as it’s clean enough then I wouldn’t worry but by same token you can’t complain she’s letting baby crawl in grubby floor.
Stuff in the lounge. Can she use it and play with baby. Is the stuff potentially harmful to baby that makes her job harder.

ArmWrestlingWithChasNDave · 30/09/2022 13:24

LovelyQuiche · 30/09/2022 12:20

@Brefugee
i know. You’re right.
i just can’t be arsed with another argument with dp right now - he’s just started a new job and dealing with a few things around that

So just let another woman pick up his slack while you're run ragged. What a brilliant example to set your daughter.

Clymene · 30/09/2022 14:17

LovelyQuiche · 30/09/2022 12:20

@Brefugee
i know. You’re right.
i just can’t be arsed with another argument with dp right now - he’s just started a new job and dealing with a few things around that

So now you have two women running around picking up after your partner who can't cope with day to day stuff because he's started a new job.

Bloody hell

SnappyDragony · 30/09/2022 18:54

You could have a conversation with your nanny and ask her if she would mind doing basic (and I do mean

SnappyDragony · 30/09/2022 18:55

SnappyDragony · 30/09/2022 18:54

You could have a conversation with your nanny and ask her if she would mind doing basic (and I do mean

Sorry
(And I do mean basic cleaning) and up their hourly pay a few quid? Or try and get up 15 mins earlier so the mornings are less of a rush?

Luredbyapomegranate · 30/09/2022 19:07

Haven’t nannied for a long time.Unwiped kitchen surfaces or bins that really need emptying aren’t on. It’s her workplace - so you are essentially saying she is either so unimportant she needs to live with it, or it’s her job to clean up after you. Things like piles of laundry are fine.

The thing is OP you have a DP problem - of course you can’t keep up. You can’t just cheerily say oh well he’s a bloke haha - when your nanny is cleaning up Mr Important’s toast crumbs, and you are teaching your kids that it’s the woman’s job to do everything. A - are you crazy and B - what sort of example is that?!

There are lots of threads on how to get Mr Important to do his fair share so take a look at those. Work out what is 50/50, tell him it’s D Day, ask him he he’d prefer any particular areas of responsibility (whole areas are best), stick a divided chart of all tasks on the wall, and then step. away. from his bits. So if he’s in charge of food shopping and forgets stuff, and you spend a fortune on takeaways, he’ll learn. Resist the urge to step in.