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MN Widows/Widowers Club?

5 replies

Klayda · 29/09/2022 12:37

I’ve name changed for this as I don’t know if it’s a good idea or not - and even if it is, I’m not absolutely sure I want to be a member!

I lost my dh five years ago when we were both 52. It took me a while to pick myself up but, once I did, I gave it my best shot. I’m still working at it but, indisputably, life has changed for the worse :(.

Our social life revolved around 3 other couples and that stopped completely. I still see one of the women occasionally, and I do have quite a few friends but they’re all partnered up in one way or another. And it seems to me that their lives are in very different places to mine.

I have dc and still have 2 of them living at home - 1 is moving away in the next month, and the other will be going to uni next year. I have had a relationship of sorts since dh died but it wasn’t great and is well and truly over. I don’t think I’m interested in another one.

In June I left a job that I’d been in for 2 years to begin another job which didn’t work out. I haven’t begun to look for another as I think I’m going to sell up and move away from the area. I am quite heavily involved with a charity on a voluntary basis so that takes up a fair bit of time.

I feel unsettled and untethered and as if life is about to undergo another big change. So I wondered if other bereaved people would like a place to talk about their experiences and everyday lives?

OP posts:
blackheartsgirl · 29/09/2022 12:50

Hi I was widowed just over a year ago and I’m in my mid 40s

i also feel as if I don’t quite fit, I have friends but they are married/partnered and I struggle to relate to them.

sorry you feel like this op too op, its hard

Fluffycloudland77 · 29/09/2022 12:55

I think this is an excellent idea for a thread. Losing your partner is monumentally unfair at any age, but worse when you are young.

Klayda · 29/09/2022 13:10

@blackheartsgirl I’m sorry for your loss. It’s still such early days for you - I look back now and can hardly remember anything from that first year. Do you have any family or any real life support?

The friends thing is difficult to explain isn’t it? They’re still the same people, there are still shared experiences and past history - yet somehow it’s all completely different. You can have as brilliant a time with your friends as it’s possible to have but they get to go back to their normal lives, and we get to go back to a completely different reality.

@Fluffycloudland77 thank you for thinking it’s a good idea!

OP posts:
Everylittlethingsgonnabealright · 29/09/2022 13:17

It’s a good idea and also you might find support already out there.

The Frolo app has a widowed group if you’re a single parent.

Widowed and Young is for those bereaved ages 50 and under - www.widowedandyoung.org.uk

But appreciate that leaves some gaps and it’s nice to have a place on MN too.

I lost my H to suicide when I was 31, so quite horrible and has taken a while to feel recover from the trauma. Feeling much better about it 6 years on but agree, social life is a massive challenge, especially post-covid and with a young child.

echt · 29/09/2022 14:26

There's a lovely thread for widows and widowers up and running in Bereavement. It has a longer life than anything in Chat, where threads drop off page 1 in a heartbeat. Join in, the people are great.

www.mumsnet.com/talk/bereavement/4444595-Widows-Widowers-And-Everyone-Welcome

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