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Original poster

Cancelling last minute

45 replies

Strawbslife · 28/09/2022 21:24

More of a rant but my SIL suggested and promised for months she would have my dc for mine and dh first anniversary weekend so we could have time alone to celebrate.

We wasn’t fussed about booking anywhere, just planned drinks and dinner for the evening. Her lovely offer made us look into a weekend break away and we planned where and booked it a few weeks ago, with her reconfirmed agreement of having the dc.

We are due to go this weekend and she has backed out. She didn’t tell us, I asked her what time suits to drop dc off and her reply was “ we can’t have them now as I have a lot on “.

i haven’t replied as I’m so upset and I don’t want to cause unnecessary arguments, but it feels so cruel that she was the one who suggested it and gave us ideas of the location months ago. She was happy with the set up and made no indication she’d back out 2 days prior.

We have nobody else who could take the dc at such short notice, so we have no choice but to cancel.

DH is angry that our plans are ruined and we have lost some money from day time bookings we made for certain activities, with the assurance it would go ahead. If she hadn’t left it so last minute I would have been more understanding, but it seems to me that she has just changed her mind as teen niece posted on social media “ can’t wait for a lazy weekend in with my family “ so it doesn’t appear something serious has happened or plans have changed.

i know it’s minor in the grand scheme of things, it’s the principle of it that’s hurt me most and that our first anniversary won’t be as fun as we planned because I’d built it up in my head and felt excitement for our new plans that will never happen now. AIBU?

OP posts:
cushioncovers · 28/09/2022 21:32

I'd be pissed right off as well. I would ask her why she's changed her mind and explain that you paid for things in advance.

howshouldibehave · 28/09/2022 21:37

I’d be pissed off as well. I wouldn’t be seeing or inviting her to anything I was planning for the foreseeable. If she offers to babysit again, I would probably laugh.

Hope you have a nice anniversary regardless.

purpleme12 · 28/09/2022 21:39

Well if I'd actually booked somewhere I would message back saying that I've booked this and that now because you said you'd have my child

Cosycover · 28/09/2022 21:42

Does she know you have booked something?

purpleme12 · 28/09/2022 21:42

Cosycover · 28/09/2022 21:42

Does she know you have booked something?

Exactly.

thinking123 · 28/09/2022 21:45

You have to reply to her. She may not realise you have a weekend away booked

Original poster
Strawbslife · 28/09/2022 21:46

Thanks for replies
Yes she knows, she suggested the location and activities months ago, we re confirmed before booking she was still okay to have the dc as we were paying for it that day, she said it was fine and was arranging those tacky personalised tent things you can hire for all the dc to enjoy for the weekend. DH thinks her DP has kicked up a fuss but I don’t know how to approach it from here, as much as I want to let rip I don’t want to come across entitled to the childcare either.

OP posts:
purpleme12 · 28/09/2022 21:50

Well I would still respond back either way
If she's said she can do it and you've arranged things around it she shouldn't be backing out.

fitnessmummy · 28/09/2022 21:51

Maybe make a joke of it and say haha very funny! We have booked our weekend away so they are yours! See what she says!?! If she didn't cop on and change her mind I would then tell her straight that's bang out of order. I certainly would never ask again!

Original poster
Strawbslife · 28/09/2022 21:56

That’s a good idea fitnessmummy, I’ll give it a go when I’ve calmed down, thanks

we speak about it a lot so she knows it’s an important milestone to us, it’s not like I asked her to have the dc she suggested it and even told my youngest to bring his favourite book she can read him at bedtime, so he’s been very excited this week. I was worried about leaving them and SIL is the one person I trusted, and now I have to tell them they won’t be staying with auntie.

OP posts:
gamerchick · 28/09/2022 22:06

Can you not just take them and make the best of it? Fuck the SIL off because she's not a friendly?

Some people are toxic and have no room in your life.

underneaththeash · 28/09/2022 22:09

I'd be furious. Next time a favour is asked though say yes and cancel at the last minute.

boredsolicitor · 28/09/2022 22:27

that is seriously poor behaviour. i'd be furious

drpet49 · 28/09/2022 22:33

This. She didn’t even have the decency or courtesy to tell you she didn’t want to do it anymore.

Original poster
Strawbslife · 28/09/2022 22:51

Well I sent her a message in a lighthearted way saying have you forgotten we booked xyz for our anniversary this weekend so where can I donate the dc so we can still go (joke we make irl)
she read it and hasn’t replied in 40 minutes (unlike her as she always has her phone in her hand).
it’s frustrating as we can’t just cut her off as it’ll affect all the family dynamics but it will make things very awkward. I’m now wondering about cancelling or just praying she’ll change her mind tomorrow.

OP posts:
purpleme12 · 28/09/2022 23:02

Maybe she'll get the message?

LouLou198 · 28/09/2022 23:10

How old are your dc? Any chance you could see if the venue has a family room and try and make the best of it? We have had many good weekends all on the same hotel room, taken snacks and the fire stick so we can all watch a film in bed.
I would be gutted though, sounds like she has had a better offer!

surreygirl1987 · 28/09/2022 23:43

How weird! Has there been no tension between the two of you that might make her want to change her mind? It's pretty selfish!

Original poster
Strawbslife · 29/09/2022 00:02

None at all, we’re very close or so I thought.
I know she hasn’t forgotten.
my DC are 6 and 4 her Dc are 16 11 and 6. She has the space so it’s not like it’ll be a squeeze just to do us a one off favour, she made a lot of effort for us with ideas and bookings when we were planning it.
DH thinks he should ask MIL to have them with also adding “because SIL has let us down”, but I don’t want to cause tension and passive aggressiveness, plus MIL isn’t in the best health and wouldn’t be able to look after them alone.
We never have holidays or time out alone for dinner or drinks so this weekend was supposed to be special.

OP posts:
Jessibeth · 29/09/2022 06:15

That’s unforgivable. Absolutely unbelievable. I think you need to get a little bit tough here (easier said that done) and say to her everything you’ve said to us…

parrotonthesofa · 29/09/2022 06:27

Well if this happened to me and I was close with her as you say you are, I'd just ring snd say hey are you ok?? Because something must have happened for her to suddenly backtrack if she was the one suggesting and encouraging. There has to be a reason so I would talk to her.

Kissingfrogs25 · 29/09/2022 07:08

I would call as well, and ask her whats happening.

I would also have MIL as a backup plan, nothing wrong with being honest about what has happened as long as it is said in a neutral way. SIL has cancelled her kind offer and we have a weekend way booked already - and some activities paid for can you help.

I would find it extremely hard to move past it, if she indeed backs out. I would talk to her in a civilised way at family gatherings, but the relationship would suffer as I wouldn't organise anything with her ever again.

melafixer · 29/09/2022 07:17

Shit behaviour.

Don’t trust her with anything again.

hope you manage to get out for a meal or something instead.

rainbowstardrops · 29/09/2022 08:45

Unless something major has happened, that's really shit of your SIL! I'd be having strong words and wouldn't care less about causing friction within the family.
Bang out of order.

SheilaFentiman · 29/09/2022 08:53

Why isn’t your DH talking to his sister about this?