Not looking forward to having toddler by myself while DH goes away

[Tuscany83]

I am prefacing this by acknowledging that there are loads of single mums who manage this all the time and do I hope I don't sound precious or dismissive of them - they are superwomen.

My DH will be attending a wedding in Italy and will be away for 4 days (leaving early Thursday morning and back Sunday evening). It can't be helped as it's his childhood best friend and they've organised various events over a number of days, I guess in their minds to make the most of people travelling out. We did discuss it and together agreed DH should go (no children at wedding and we are broke so we decided it's better if I stay at home). DH did skip the stag weekend as he didn't think it would be fair to keep going away and leaving me with DS, and as I said we are broke.

Anyway I will therefore have our 2 year old by myself for those days during the wedding. We normally share everything at weekends and my DS is really hard work (gorgeous and I love him so much but bloody hard work at the moment, bags of energy, tantrums etc etc) so I'm always knackered after having him all day at the best of times. Weekends usually mean we get to share parenting more and get a couple of hours off or a lie in one day etc, and it's just easier caring for him together as it's very physical.

I know it might sound silly to some but I'm not looking forward to my husband being away for 4 days (which happen to coincide with the days DS doesn't have nursery) and feeling like I'm going to be knackered looking after DS by myself alone the whole time. On the Monday after DH gets home I will again have my son all day again as he only attends nursery 2 days a week (Tues & Wed) so I can foresee I'm going to be absolutely desperate for a break by the Sunday night but still having him yet another day!

For context unfortunately I don't really have many friends where I live and we have no family support (my parents are abusive to me) so we are a very "nuclear" family and on our own a bit. It's not ideal but how things have worked out. I have a couple of friends but they don't have kids so it's not that fun meeting up with DS.

Again I know plenty of people have DC by themselves so apologies if I sound daft. I just do find raising a toddler exhausting I'll be honest.

How can I plan those 4/5 days to make the most of them for me and my son?

If you are stuck one afternoon....a bath with bath crayons...kept my DD entertained for an hour at that age!! I sat on a chair in the bathroom with a cuppa and a book. Bliss!!

Be busy
plan the days - toddlers are demanding - it’s usual so if he likes the park, do that. A walk to post a letter
does he nap?
I think and I mean this gently that if you’re so dreading looking after your child for four days is there something else going on? It’s totally doable what you describe so wonder why you feel so worried

if you know you’re going to be tired; get ready meals so when he is bed you can eat and have an early night yourself

Yes! A bubbly toy filled bath is a always a winner

You will get people telling you that you're being ridiculous but I totally understand. DS was a very very difficult baby and toddler, and the thought of days with him by myself was overwhelming. Especially because he didn't sleep very well so it wasn't even like I could get a good night's sleep to be prepared.

But there were a couple of times when I did have to do this for whatever reason and these are a few of my tips:

1. Can nursery have him for a once off on Thursday/Friday? Our nursery was willing to let you pay for ad hoc additional care, if they had space. And as a rule, Fridays were their least busy day so we had a couple of long weekends where one of us was able to put him in nursery.
2. PLANS. Have a clear plan for at least one activity per day. Two if your DS is the type who really needs lots of movement etc. So at that age, I'd probably have planned a trip to a soft play, a trip to the swimming pool, a trip to watch the trains (he was a big train spotter age 2!), a trip into town to do a little shopping and get an ice cream (this might not work for you but DS really liked sitting in the pram and looking around happily while shopping - for about 90 minutes tops). Weather permitting, we'd plan a trip to the park.
3. You say you have no help but do you have friends? This is where NCT /other mum friends are a godsend .... arrange to meet them at one or more of these events. We all quite liked meeting for breakfast as it got us out the house early, the DC all loves a little breakfast at a local cafe and then we'd all be home for the mid day nap.

Finally - be gentle on yourself. If he lands up watching a bit more tv or having a bit more iPad time, so be it!

Definitely get out , park , anywhere to feed ducks near you ? I would get on a bus and go to another town kids of that age love buses , ( well mine did anyway !) , swimming is a good one to tire little ones out

I can understand this - I used to have the same when my DH needed to do work trips.

My advice is to be out for much of the day. Pack more snacks than you think you need! Also see if there are any of the nursery parents who fancy meeting up - if you don't have numbers you could ask the nursery staff to pop a note with your number and suggestion in to the children's bags. That's how one of my friends did it when she moved to a new area.

Places I used to take my noisy, full of energy toddler:

• soft play
• parks and woodlands
• swimming
• toddler groups
• library

Ugh. I have this (again) in a couple of weeks except DH is away for a 10-day work trip half way around the world and then a repeat the following month for a 2week trip. DH usually does nursery drop off and pick ups 2 days a week too while I work so him being away has been a complete all-round ball ache trying to arrange wraparound care for 730-8am and 530-6pm 🙈 had to rope in nursery and neighbours to do babysitting!

Just make sure you get out every day whatever the weather, it'll do you both a world of good. Has your toddler got a puddle suit and wellies if needed? And plan in some down time at home together too just playing or reading stories together. Eat dinner together then once he's down for bed it'll feel like you've got more of an evening to yourself to just sit and exist.

And if the TV is on more than usual so you can have a brew or a mini break, the world won't end.

Good luck!

It can be really relentless. My DH works away a lot and in some ways it’s easier but in other ways a lot harder!

Are there are groups you could go to? They really break the day up for us - if you look at happity.co.uk it should have what’s on in your area.

Big bubbly bathtimes - no need to wait till bedtime.

Library visits - mine loved it at that age.

novelty trip - if your child has never been on a bus or train, this is the time.

picnics at home - let DS help pre food, set up all teddies on the carpet to join in, can easily kill some time.

good luck!

I was a single mum to DD1 when she was a toddler. The best advice I can give is that fresh air or a bath are lifesavers when you're at the end of your rope. They utterly change the energy and give you a bit of breathing space to recover. I'd try and be out of the house as much as possible!

Thank you for these ideas and the support.

@NotLactoseFree thanks for understanding. It's a great idea about nursery. I know they are full Thursdays but Friday might be an option as I think it is their emptiest day. I'll ask!

Unfortunately he's going through a really really tricky phase and there's no way he'd sit in a cafe.  It's annoying as he used to do those things. He's like a ball of frustrated energy.

I think planning is needed. He hates going round the shops sat in buggy but I'll just keep taking him to soft play type places and the park I guess. I need to break it down into half day blocks and just plough through each block.

Unfortunately we don't know anyone but I hope to start making friends. Most of the places I take him the mums don't really chat much.

Wow @Margo34 that sounds do hard. Husband might be working away soon too so got that to prepare for!

Oh, and nap when he does!

Library is a nightmare at the moment as he just runs around like crazy grabbing everything so I've had to stop taking him

Bath will occupy him for 5 minutes before he's wanting to get out.

Park and soft play are really the only things I think could work.

Fresh air and activity. Zoo? Sea? Keep him outside as much of the day as you can. See ducks or anything like that.

My DH works away for weeks at a time and I fully sympathise with you- it's so tough! I used to look forward to the days I was at work and DD would be with my mum. She is now 4 and has just started in reception so it is different for me now.

All I can say is like what PP have said, make a plan for each day. I know money is tight so aim for one day with a paid for activity such as soft play etc.
Try and look up coffee mornings/playgroups local to you or within a half an hour drive for example as they tend to be very cheap and you may meet some other parents that you could hang out with in future.

Going for walks are good, depends on what kind of area you live in but make up a 'scavenger hunt' Google is great for ideas and they will help keep your DS interested in his surroundings to keep you out and about for longer.

Hopefully there is a park near to you that you could go to, libraries are always good too and free to take out a membership with- spend time in there with him choosing books to take home.

If you've got time, you could send in notes to the mums of other kids he is friend's with in nursery and see if you could plan a little play date for a day DH is away. All good to help build your social network for if things like this happen again.

It's hard to put yourself out there, I totally get that. But it will be worth it and you will get through the few days DH is away. Also just have realistic expectations about those days- as long as he eats it doesn't have to be the best meals you've ever cooked, a bit of extra screen time never killed anyone and if the house isn't perfect well then so be it.

Take him to the local pool. They love pools and it really tires them out.

Right is there anything at all he will get engrossed in?? DH works away a lot and DS1 age 7 is still absolutely non stop so sounds like yours. When he was 2 ish I made a huge play mat/road map out of a giant cardboard box and put on all our local regular places to visit and he played with his toy cars on that for ages (obviously ages for a 2 year old, not hours on end). DS2 obsessed with things like kinetic sand. Maybe something your DS will play with for a long time? Eg I would be amazoning some new kinetic sand for DS in this situation.
I have 7, 4 and baby and DH away at the mo - parents came to ‘help’ and honestly it’s just more work. I like to just be alone and power through really. Telly, strict bath and bed structure. You can do it!

I would feel exactly the same, I find looking after DS quite draining, it’s just nice to have the adult company as well as the practical help.

What do you do on your normal weekdays of looking after him? Lots of churches run playgroups which can be a good place to meet other mums. Usually not very well advertised so maybe as a weekend activity you could go and have a look at all your local church notice boards.

I find splitting the days into manageable chunks helps. So getting up, dressed and breakfast, then a morning activity, lunch, walk to the park, dinner, then bath and bed. Then by the time you get to dinner you know you only have one chunk of the day left if that makes sense.
I think instead of dreading it, try and turn it on its head and look forward to it. If you have plans in place (for wet and dry days) instead of waking up on the day and wondering what to do. Book soft play so that have to go. And if your lucky that he goes down to bed fine and sleeps well, look forward to peaceful evenings on your own. You’ll be fine, if you keep busy it will fly by x

CBeebies and loads of Pombears. I'm not even kidding.

if you’re so dreading looking after your child for four days is there something else going on? It’s totally doable what you describe so wonder why you feel so worried

I don't believe I'm the only person to feel this way. Perhaps you were lucky enough to have one of those compliant, meek toddlers who plays nicely for hours? Not us! He's totally full on and I love him but it's exhausting.

Yes, some new toys is a good idea - I can use the toy library and will check out kinetic sand, thank you.

And of course a bit of extra tv if needed!

And some chocolate for me in the evenings!

Its only a few days, you’ll be fine. Get your toddler out of the house as much as possible. Arrange play dates, go for a long drive to a national trust property/ sea side/ big park and make a day out of it. Is there a toy library around? Let him have more screen time than normal. Go shopping (mine loves the supermarket, esp Lidl with the little trolley). Bake together, play dough, drawing, ‘washing’ the windows with a spray bottle. Have takeaways if you don’t have time to cook, make tortilla pizzas together, use big card boxes and build a fort. Go for a long walk, go to a farm park/ animal rescue, go see the ducks in the nearby park. Most importantly, enjoy your time with your DS and don’t stress too much about getting stuff done around the house.

Some kids are hard work. I’ve been ‘gently asked’ if I’m OK because I found looking after DD as a toddler SO hard. She was just so intense, and you didn’t get a moment to think and she didn’t sleep. The same people then spent a bit more time with us, and SAW how full on she was, and got it.

OP, you are not BU. At all. Some kids are super intense. Is there anything you can leverage? Have a relative or friend to stay, scare up some childcare, buy extra surprises or treat days out? You know DS best and what makes it easier/harder. Even just to break it up a bit. Even a local teen to take him out to the park a couple of times so you can have a few minutes peace and a tidy up would be something. Definitely meal plan treats for you and absolute minimal prep, too.

I have a couple of friends but they don't have kids so it's not that fun meeting up with DS.

That's sad when ours were little we used to meet with friends at places with play areas and our single friends spent most of the time playing with them.

Play park, walks, anything really that takes their attention. When they're little the whole world is a place of wonder try and enjoy time with him seeing the world through his eyes, we spent ages watching creepy crawlies in the leaf litter. If it rains wellies and coat znd splashing in puddles.