Not looking forward to having toddler by myself while DH goes away

[Tuscany83]

I am prefacing this by acknowledging that there are loads of single mums who manage this all the time and do I hope I don't sound precious or dismissive of them - they are superwomen.

My DH will be attending a wedding in Italy and will be away for 4 days (leaving early Thursday morning and back Sunday evening). It can't be helped as it's his childhood best friend and they've organised various events over a number of days, I guess in their minds to make the most of people travelling out. We did discuss it and together agreed DH should go (no children at wedding and we are broke so we decided it's better if I stay at home). DH did skip the stag weekend as he didn't think it would be fair to keep going away and leaving me with DS, and as I said we are broke.

Anyway I will therefore have our 2 year old by myself for those days during the wedding. We normally share everything at weekends and my DS is really hard work (gorgeous and I love him so much but bloody hard work at the moment, bags of energy, tantrums etc etc) so I'm always knackered after having him all day at the best of times. Weekends usually mean we get to share parenting more and get a couple of hours off or a lie in one day etc, and it's just easier caring for him together as it's very physical.

I know it might sound silly to some but I'm not looking forward to my husband being away for 4 days (which happen to coincide with the days DS doesn't have nursery) and feeling like I'm going to be knackered looking after DS by myself alone the whole time. On the Monday after DH gets home I will again have my son all day again as he only attends nursery 2 days a week (Tues & Wed) so I can foresee I'm going to be absolutely desperate for a break by the Sunday night but still having him yet another day!

For context unfortunately I don't really have many friends where I live and we have no family support (my parents are abusive to me) so we are a very "nuclear" family and on our own a bit. It's not ideal but how things have worked out. I have a couple of friends but they don't have kids so it's not that fun meeting up with DS.

Again I know plenty of people have DC by themselves so apologies if I sound daft. I just do find raising a toddler exhausting I'll be honest.

How can I plan those 4/5 days to make the most of them for me and my son?

Definitely go out every day.
Do you know any Mums from groups or nursery who would meet you at a place on one of the days?
Would any of your childless friends collect a takeaway, and bring it to yours one evening after DS is in bed?

Depending on quite how old he is, get him helping you with chores. Yes, it take three times as long, but mine used to love with cleaning, washing and cooking at that age. I've got a fab photo of DS and one of his friends "washing" the windows at just gone 2 years old. One inside, one outside, wiping at each other's faces! He also used to get given a table knife and something like mushrooms or a banana to be cut into pieces for meal times. Pairing socks is another good one - even if they just find them, and you fold them over.

It WILL be OK. If nothing else get him cleaned, fed and rested and everything else can wait until the following weekend.

Do you have a puddle suit? If not - GET ONE. I agree with pp that key is to go out and find places he can burn off energy outside. I had similarly relentless toddlers and on rainy days they absolutely love going out to stomp in puddles. You just need to skin up in waterproofs and go with it.

I agree with the other posters who've suggested swimming - it is BRILLIANT for tiring them out, they can shriek as much as they want, and it uses up half a day easily.

You could also try days out to places - various theme parks are still open, the zoo is good too. DS enjoyed visiting caves at that age, there are loads near where we live that do tours. You could take him on a bus or train trip somewhere, doesn't need to be anywhere particularly exciting, they just enjoy the journey at that age!

You could go to a National Trust type place if there's one not too far away, lots of them have great playgrounds. Or the seaside?

I went to Scotland with DS when he was little, on a long weekend for just the two of us. I got to see some of the things I wanted to (Culloden, Loch Ness) and we did lots of child-friendly stuff too. You could go on an adventure?

I wouldn't call any toddler, "meek"...

Where are those?

You haven't said what your DS actually likes doing...it's a lot of telling us what he won't do...

Do you have any playgroups you can go to?
And can't your non kid friends come along to the park for a picnic or play?

Mine at that age loved meeting new people.

Keep busy. Structure your time.
Breakfast
Play park/ toddler group
Lunch at home
Nap
Swimming/ cafe/ walk/ library/ museum
Dinner
Bath
Bed
Take away for you/ nice easy dinner and a boxset

Can you reach out to a friend and see if anyone wants to meet up or join a mums group? There's lots in my area (can usually find on Facebook)

Just remembered national trust are doing free access in October

www.nationaltrust-tickets.org.uk/category/33142?branches.branchID=2286

Prep some food and put it in the freezer.
Take a meal out in the morning so it's ready for dinner.

Get him out for fresh air every day. Plan a different place for each day. Wellies and raincoat if it's raining. Is there anywhere with animals? Ducks? Squirrels farms?
Nature and animals are very calming for all ages, including adults.
Head out straight after breakfast.
Make sure you have lunch/plenty of snacks and water.
Afternoons can be spent with toys, books and tv.

It can be tiring for sure. DH was just away for a wedding for three days so I fled with DD(3) and DD2 (3mo) to my mum's

The ones who are asking if everything's alright are probably the ones with reasonably well behaved children. I totally get it. My toddler is a menace, always needs to be on the move, has difficult sensory issues and is incredibly defiant at times. Due to his unusual size and strength he is capable of really hurting me when I try to restrain him (eg: kicking me in the face when I try to hold his leg to put shoes on). I have at times been so frazzled and worn out with him that I've become snappy and not my best self. I've often fallen asleep on the sofa in amongst the mess after finally getting him off to bed because he wears me out so much. People with more agreeable or relaxed children just don't get how soul destroying it can be to face that without any respite. My daughter was so much easier by comparison.

Ignore them, it's normal to find tough kids hard work and you're not in need of therapy or interventions just because you're knackered from a crazy toddler. The suggestion that you might need support, no matter how politely worded, is very judgemental (typical Mumsnet!)

They DO get easier as they get older and you're in the worst patch right now. Have hope!

Make a schedule. Commit to a few planned activities every day. Try and maintain structure and routine. But most importantly above all else carve out time for yourself once the little one has gone to sleep. Tidy up before you take them to bed so you're free to lie in the bath or watch your favourite shows after. There's nothing worse then coming to the end of a long and exhausting day and having to deal with a bunch of chores once you get them off to bed!

Not much to add but offering solidarity - toddlers are seriously hard work!

Plan an activity for each day - ideally out of the house so you can kill time with the journey - but don't beat yourself up if things don't go according to plan.

Try to include some interaction with other adults. If you can't see friends or family just try striking up a conversation with other parents in the park! Or call a friend while DS is asleep.

Embrace having evenings to yourself - plan some nice (easy) dinners and stuff to watch on TV once DS is in bed.

Don't be afraid to plonk DS in front of a screen when you're exhausted.

And remember, this too will pass!

Plan or prepare in advance easy dinners

Do not buy kinetic sand. It is very very messy.
Try play doh or painting instead. Or glueing pictures from a magazine.

Have you got any open farm type places near you, that way there's a cafe, playground and animals to keep them amused. Whereabouts are you, maybe people will suggest some good days out.

Drop your standards.
if everyone is happy, relatively clean and fed sort of healthily then that’s enough

I actually would have probably felt the same at that stage. I had no family nearby, family were too busy with work to help with dcs at that age and we had just moved to a new area and knew literally nobody nearby.

It will be fine. Plan some super fun stuff for him. Does he like soft play? Park, feeding the ducks etc etc.

Fwiw, now mine are 4 and 7 I love having them to myself, so it really is just a short phase.

*DH family were too busy

Could you arrange for a friend to come over one evening for takeaway ?

Not to help child situation but might help you.

I totally get this and you will get through it.
Remember you've got a weekend off 'in the bank' when / if there's a bit more cash.

@Tuscany83 meant to check back sooner and ask how you got on?! My DH is away atm and of course the toddler is ill!