How much do I factor in Primary School friends when looking for a Secondary School?

[BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz]

Looking for advice from parents who've gone or are going through the secondary school selection process.

Did having the bulk of their classmates going to a school make that school more appealing?

Did your dc insist/request to go to the school most of their classmates were going to?

Would you say its an advantage or a disadvantage to go to a secondary school with the bulk of your primary school friends?

Dc1s classmates are (mainly) going to a school which would be our third choice (of three). Happy for them to go there if they don't get into 1 or 2.

But now I'm wondering if the fact that most of the friendship group is going to that school, should I move it up the list of preferences?

Dc1 is currently saying they don't care either way which is lucky - but when the time comes they may feel differently.

I wouldn't worry about that too much in itself.

I'd think about whether they will have friends to knock about with socially locally though. So are other kids from your immediate area going to that school? Or will they be isolated after school / weekends etc

Not at all

What's the reason they are all going there, but you only have it as option 3?

Not at all

Depends on the child. Our top choice happened to be where DSs best friend was going. It was a massive comfort to them both to go to the same school. They are still best friends a year on but DS also has a new gang of friends in his form.

I would say it depends on your child. I was very shy and my parents sent me to secondary where I didn’t know anyone. I barely spoke to anyone for the first year apart from being mildly bullied. I was desperately lonely. I managed to make a few friends in the second year, but they were never close friends and I didn’t ever see friends outside of school until I was in year 10. I resent my parents not considering how I would do (they were in the middle of an acrimonious divorce, so it wasn’t surprising).

DD didn't go to the same secondary as those from her primary and it's been the best thing to have happened. She has a lovely group of friends (Y9 now) and is thriving. I'd do it again in a heartbeat.

I wouldn't factor it in at all, they are all split up in year 7 whatever school they go to

Not at all

It didn't factor at all.

Back in the summer I was thinking how nice it was DD was going to Secondary with so many of her friends...

Groups have quickly changed to what part of the year group they are in (3 different sections for timetables) and seemingly whether they bringgpacked lunch or buy food there.

Not a factor

It might be useful for having someone to sit next to at lunch for the first couple of days but that’s all.
Your DD probably won’t agree though (she’s wrong)

You have to bear in mind that they could go to the same school and virtually never see each other if they are in different forms and timetable blocks. Would they walk / travel together?

Dd went to a secondary school with only a handful of people she knew and she's made lots of new friends as well. I deliberately picked a different school from her core group of primary friends. It was important that dd expanded her social circle.

More of an issue if the chosen school has a lot of kids who will already know each other? That can be hard to break in to.

My DD went to a school she knew no one. She actually seemed quite pleased about the fresh start. A year later the school 30% went to was marked as requires improvement.

Second DD has started there this year. Only one other from class going. No issues made friends.

The catchment is tiny (1300 metres) so although we are about 3 miles and got in on other criteria it easily reachable by bus and most people live in the school area.

We are a London borough so the year at primary will usually go to around 10 different schools by the time you factor in faith, selective, the creatives arts selective one and then the 'normal' ones.

I would have more of a concern if it involved travelling along distance to a selective school as you could end up with people just as far the other way and no local friends.

Zero.

I knew one other person going into secondary.... Made friends just fine

For my DS2 (Year 7), it has been a distinct advantage that he doesn't know anybody from his primary school. At primary school, he had no friends, he was the autistic kid that everyone was nice to, but didn't count him as a friend. Now, he has a chance create fresh impressions with new people & he actually has a best friend who likes him for who he is & is making others. He's no longer just the autistic kid, he is DS (who will always be quirky).

Depends on the kid and the school

Kid 1 got into superselective where knew nobody. Made new friends
Kid 2 wanted to go as far away from everyone from primary. Made new friends.
Kid 3 in local secondary with his friendship group from primary. 100% most important factor in our choice. Y9 now and all still inseparable, but also a few new friends in the wider circle.

The other two on our list are seen as " too strict" by parents and kids alike. The whole class isn't going to Option 3, but basically all of dds friendship group, plus half of the boys.

It's traditionally always been the school the primary fed into.

It really depends on the child, imo. With my oldest, I would not have sent her somewhere she knew no-one, as she's painfully shy and struggles to make friends.
My youngest, however, is very outgoing and would have no issues.

As it was, we had only one catchment school, so that was that..

DS was extremely shy but wanted to go to the same high-school as DD.
Only knew 2 people going who he wasn't that close too and it's the best thing for him. Socially and academically.
DD went to the same high school as a lot of her friends which we thought would be a good thing but ended up being bullied by them. Now years later she has found a good friendship group.
I wouldn't let Primary friends sway tour decision if a particular school feels like a good fit for your DC.

As others have said, not a bit. Going to secondary school shakes groups up in all sorts of ways. If people want to remain friends they will. I am 52. I was in a friendship group of four, very tight all the way through primary school. Two of us went to the same school. As soon as we got there my erstwhile bestie completely turned on me. With the benefit of hindsight I can see why: it was a rough school and having a target meant you weren't one. It was hurtful but ok in the end as I made new friends.

For the other two, one I lost touch with although we've chatted on Facebook since. The other moved out of the area completely but we have actually stayed in contact over the years and as time went on and we went to university, took our first steps into adulthood etc became closer even if not geographically so and now I can honestly say that this 47 year old friendship is the most enduring non family relationship I have ever had even though we haven't lived in the same town for the majority of it or indeed the same country for long spells of it.

It's a long game and where you go to school is actually a small part of that.