How much do I factor in Primary School friends when looking for a Secondary School?

[BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz]

Looking for advice from parents who've gone or are going through the secondary school selection process.

Did having the bulk of their classmates going to a school make that school more appealing?

Did your dc insist/request to go to the school most of their classmates were going to?

Would you say its an advantage or a disadvantage to go to a secondary school with the bulk of your primary school friends?

Dc1s classmates are (mainly) going to a school which would be our third choice (of three). Happy for them to go there if they don't get into 1 or 2.

But now I'm wondering if the fact that most of the friendship group is going to that school, should I move it up the list of preferences?

Dc1 is currently saying they don't care either way which is lucky - but when the time comes they may feel differently.

This is my school of thought. All of the parents around me socially are talking at about going with friends.

I went to a secondary with no other girls from my school - so I honestly don't know any different and therefore cannot reliably say which is better.

Nope. None of that came into consideration.

My eldest DS is autistic and went from mainstream primary to specialist senior, but he is thriving. He's made a lot of new friends.

DS2 however I am hoping to put him in a senior school with none of the kids from primary as they aren't very nice kids sadly!

Not worth considering existing friendship groups, once at high school, they will be split up, and will make new friends.

Thank you for reassuring me.

Option 1 is the farthest away, but there's a scholars bus route for it on our street and there's a lot of kids get on it so must be a fair few go there round the doors.

Ds and his best friend in primary now do not talk at all.

The guy ds hated and who hated him has been his best friend for the last 3 years. (Ds is 20)

It's more important they have local friends and people they can walk to school with/go out with on weekends so they aren't left out.

Both of mine went to a secondary where they knew no one. Both made friends within the first 2 weeks that lasted, in fact Ds is at uni with some of them. Ds2 is very quirky and I did really worry about him but he too has had the same friendship group since year 7 start. Both sets of friends are lovely, no real falling out. Ds1's group does consist of a few kids who knew each other from primary but more joined from different schools. Ds2's group everyone came from a different school. They are now in year 12.

Friendships change, in primary they only have a small choice of friends to choose from but secondary means the field opens up. On that basis, choose a secondary best for your child.

DD1 went to local school, friendship groups stayed pretty much based on those in primary until a huge falling out at the beginning of Year 10. Its been hugely hard on all of them to try and make new friends. She's Year 11 now and desperately wants a fresh start for Sixth Form.
DD2 went further afield with a only a couple from school, she's retained her original friends but made so many more.

Not at all.
Ask for the school(s) that suit your dc best.

About 1/3 of DD's class went to her secondary. She was in a form with 2 others. By the end of the first week she was hanging out with new friends more than old friends. She stayed friends with some, but they weren't in her main friendship group going forward.

Tbh her friendships groups changed in and off, bar the odd couple of girls, throughout secondary. It's when she got to sixth form she made the friends she still speaks with 2 years after leaving, and one or 2 from secondary.

Her best friends didn't go to her primary school anyway.

Not at all.

DS didn't find his tribe at primary and actively wanted to find new friends at secondary but still, he joined Year 7 with about 15 kids from his school, and more than 40 kids joined his intake from another primary so plenty of potential cliques to navigate.

He now has a lovely bunch of friends from completely different groups, none from the same school, none of them knew each other before Year 7.

How long will she spend on the bus?
How close will she be to any new friends to do things with after school?

That would be a big factor in my decision

Bus ride is about 20 mins. The catchment for it is large but as I say, lots of kids get the bus on our street.

We are very central, lots of buses and a couple of high streets in walking distance - I've no concerns about them being able to socialise outside of school easily.

Tbh I’ve let DD pick three schools and we are going to look round next week. We’ll probably have a chat (DD, her Dad and I not sure it’s relevant but Dad and I aren’t together) and will make choices after this. I try hard to get my kids to make their own decision altho that said I am happy with her school choices im not sure how I’d feel if she picked a school I wasn’t keen on.

I factored it in. My DD is quiet and shy. She found the transition to secondary quite hard and it helped to have friends. It is also nice that she has someone to walk with as part of the route home would be unsafe to walk alone. The only other school we considered she would have known nobody and involved a significant journey by public transport alone. However, I think a lot depends on the nature of your child and also whether the school is known for taking kids from a wider area, in which case they are less likely to already have pre-formed friendship groups.

It didnt really factor for my DD in the end. She goes to a large 2ndary school with a handful of primary school friends who also chose the same school based on merits (ease of journey, academic, single sex, good range of extra curricular etc).She does have one of her best friends from primary school in her Class, but there are hundreds she didnt know and lots of ""singletons" who are all settling in quite well. I am fully expecting that primary friendships carried into teenage years may not last the duration as I think it is common for girls to switch friendship groups in Y7 to Y9.

Also in her Class is a girl who has lives 20 houses further along our street, who we didnt know at all.They are now getting to be quite good friends.

For me I’d prefer my DD to go to a school with completely new kids. She’s in a small town primary and although she’s happy enough I’d rather she has a chance to make new friends as she’s in a class with a small group of girls, 1 in particular a school bully, my DDs never been a target but I still want her to have a chance to be separated from her and a couple of others. There are only 2 high school options, one is a definite no, unfortunately I think most of her year will be going to the same school as her, most will be going on faith grounds. I’m hoping that once allocations are announced I will be able to speak to the high school about splitting her from them.

I went to a high school with no primary school friends, at school things were fine but I didn’t live anywhere near any of my friends so it was very lonely outside of school until I was old enough to travel between towns on my own. It was the 80s so no mobiles and my parents were not able to drive me around so it was very hard the first few years.

We didn't consider it as a factor. In London so the kids really do spread out to tons of schools. However, in the end she did end up at a school that a few people were going to and I do think it has helped with the settling. Having people to get the bus with initially and some familiar faces made her feel a lot more comfortable as she's not naturally gregarious.

Having said that, none of them are in form classes together so they spend very little of the actual day together. Which I like because it means they all get a chance to meet new people.

I’ve only seen a couple of children go to secondary schools where they knew no one at all. Both felt isolated, bullied and stressed. Much better to start with a friend or two if you can.

This is interesting as most people I know (with older kids) have said it’s important that they are with friends. I guess it also depends where you live and if there are catchment areas to consider, and grammar school areas.

FWIW, I didn’t know anyone when I started secondary school, I lived just outside the area (no catchment areas back then) and everyone at the school came from the same 2 or 3 primary schools. I settled in and made friends but always felt a bit of an outsider as most kids lived in walking distance or on the school bus route and neither applied to me.

Our nearest secondary is a 9 form entry. Most of DS's friends were going there but the chances of him being in the same class as his closest friends were slim and I know he would have struggled being able to only see his friends from afar.

We sent him to a smaller secondary where he only knew a handful of people. He's formed some strong friendships quickly and settled easily.

I do think it makes a difference if your in an area where the vast majority go to their local school. I can see it would be very hard if you were one of the few people who knew nobody. But here it’s quite normal to not know many people at secondary, so you’re bound to find others in the same boat.

My eldest finished senior school July just gone, her primary school catchment was a split secondary catchment with a third umbrella catchment so the friendship groups were always going to be split up. However I went for a 4th school, only 5 from her year went there and none from her friendship group but she made a fantastic group of friends.

The second was two years later, by then we had moved into that school's catchment so we picked it for ds. A lot of his friends chose that school as their 1st choice (not catchment school) but the allocations that year were an absolute disaster (100 children had no school place on offer day) and none of his friends got in. He is doing great.

The youngest we moved into a different primary school, a large proportion will be going to the same school as her.

Around 20 out of 35 girls in DD’s Y6 are at the same secondary school, 20 in a year of 240, DD has two in her form but she had not a lot in common with them.

She in in Y11 now and hardly speaks to any of the primary school girls. I think it all broke down around half term in Y7 when they didn’t see each other a lot outside the walk to school or at lunch,

it’s possible to keep good friendships alive outside school, DD has friends from nursery she is extremely close to because we as parents made an effort to arrange meets when they wanted until they were old enough to do so themselves.

I find secondary school has to fit the child, not necessarily to keep them together and if it is a large one, the chances are very high they don’t see each other a lot anyway.

Choosing a school with the right ethos and support for DS was my priority. His best friend already had a sibling at the local catchment school so he was well prepared for separation.
The people that he liked most have mainly gone to a spread of schools rather than the catchment.

The school he's gone to has a large catchment with small numbers from a broad range of primary schools so there shouldn't be large estanlished cliques moving together. This eases a lot of social pressure.

I had a number of concerns about the catchment school, amplified by DS's needs and interests. He probably would have stayed friends but that wasn't a strong enough reason to send him there.