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Original poster

Should I be insulted?

40 replies

Citycentre3 · 25/09/2022 13:01

I have just come back from a trip to Mark's and Spencer's with my 17 month old daughter.

I popped into the baby change toilet. When I opened the door to leave there was a huge queue for the main toilets and so some people had to take a step back to let me out. There was middle aged gentleman in particular that was staring at me as I was exiting the bathroom, and as soon as my back was turned he said to his wife,
" I wonder what the benefits are of being a nanny, I wonder if she gets paid a lot"

I am just bemused as to why this particular quite posh man would think I was my daughters nanny, what would make him think such a thing.

I also don't know if I should be offended or not, what does the average nanny look like? Is there a stereotype that I am unaware of? I just think it was a rather odd thing to say.

I never heard his wife's reply, I had gone before then, but I have just got home and can't stop wondering what it is about me that says "nanny"

Anybody got any ideas as to what would make a person assume such a thing?

OP posts:
30hoursfreechildcare · 25/09/2022 13:05

Could of meant anything

You didn't look maternal towards your daughter
You look different and he presumed you aren't the mum
He thinks the mum would be at work so you must be a nanny

Maybe they were discussing it before he even saw you

I wouldn't give this a second thought , it was just a comment to his wife.

SpinningFloppa · 25/09/2022 13:06

Are you a different ethnicity to your child? That’s the only times I’ve heard people assuming

Scaredofthemoon · 25/09/2022 13:06

Google ‘norland nanny’ - is that how you were dressed?

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Families
Hugasauras · 25/09/2022 13:07

Are you an older parent?

Thestagshead · 25/09/2022 13:11

Are you quite young?

Antarcticant · 25/09/2022 13:14

They might not even have been talking about you - the remark might have been part of an ongoing conversation from before you came out of the loo, e.g.

"Have you heard from Jane recently?"
"Yes, she told me the other day her daughter is training to be a nanny."
"I wonder what the benefits are of being a nanny (etc.)

Rasin · 25/09/2022 13:19

You should probably be flattered! Most nannies (in my memory) tend to look less harassed than most mums (since they get to park the child, last thing).

Other scenario: he thought you looked too young to be the mum (I’m now past the age of 50, everyone under 35 looks young to me!).

Negative scenario: you looked poor and unkempt while your child looked very dolled up, so you looked like the “staff”. However, my money is on option one or two!

potential scenario: you look “different” to your child (probably different colouring) so a lazy assumption made.

which do you think “fits” best? :-)

cookiecreammmpie · 25/09/2022 13:19

I once got asked by a woman on the parkhow many children I was allowed to care for on my own without any other help. I wondered what the hell she was on about till I realised after she must have thought I was a nanny. I was in my late 20s with my 4 kids so maybe she thought I was younger.

mynameiscalypso · 25/09/2022 13:28

It's odd to think that a nanny would be looking after a child on a Sunday. Most nannies I've known work M-F although obviously there will be exceptions. I think he was just probably a bit of an idiot.

Original poster
Citycentre3 · 25/09/2022 13:29

I get why people may think that he was talking about someone else (on going conversation) but body language, tone of voice suggested it was his first thought on the matter.

I am a little older (44) however most people do assume I am around 35ish. I also have a 5 year old, and most of her friends mothers are around mid to late 30's and I don't look out of place in their company.

It is a strange one.

OP posts:
SpinningFloppa · 25/09/2022 13:30

it will be your age then

CheezePleeze · 25/09/2022 13:39

He was probably either talking about someone else, or possibly assumed you're older than you are.

Either way, if you have to ask whether you should feel insulted, the answer is always no.

scandalousaurus · 25/09/2022 13:42

You’re very much an older mum, so it’s your age then. No need to be insulted. I was a nanny when I was 20, and people always assumed I was.

JudithHarper · 25/09/2022 13:44

Are you really that bothered about what some random said about you?

What would you do if the consensus of opinion on here said that you should be 'offended'? What would you do about it?

Just get on with your day.

Original poster
Citycentre3 · 25/09/2022 13:53

But age aside there are lots and lots of women where I live that are late 30' to 40's with babies, and I really do not stick out in comparison to them, so it needs to be something else about me.

My daughter and I have the same colouring etc so it can't be that. I have met nannies in my area but they tend to be quite young, I have never really come accross an older one before. In any case I thought it would be a more normal assumption to assume someone to be a grandmother that looked too old for a baby and not a nanny.

OP posts:
Hyacinth2 · 25/09/2022 13:54

How old was he - if 60 plus it might be the 'police look so young' scenario- as you age others look younger so as you looked 20 to him he thought you were the nanny.

Original poster
Citycentre3 · 25/09/2022 13:57

Hyacinth2 · 25/09/2022 13:54

How old was he - if 60 plus it might be the 'police look so young' scenario- as you age others look younger so as you looked 20 to him he thought you were the nanny.

Yes he was around 65ish.

OP posts:
deedledeedledum · 25/09/2022 13:58

scandalousaurus · 25/09/2022 13:42

You’re very much an older mum, so it’s your age then. No need to be insulted. I was a nanny when I was 20, and people always assumed I was.

38/39 to be having a child doesn't make one 'very much an older mum'. Or maybe it does in some areas. Not around me. Late 30s is VERY typical around here

CheezePleeze · 25/09/2022 13:59

Citycentre3 · 25/09/2022 13:53

But age aside there are lots and lots of women where I live that are late 30' to 40's with babies, and I really do not stick out in comparison to them, so it needs to be something else about me.

My daughter and I have the same colouring etc so it can't be that. I have met nannies in my area but they tend to be quite young, I have never really come accross an older one before. In any case I thought it would be a more normal assumption to assume someone to be a grandmother that looked too old for a baby and not a nanny.

In that case he definitely wasn't talking about you.

People are perfectly at liberty to have other conversations 😂

CheezePleeze · 25/09/2022 14:00

Late 30s is VERY typical around here

The OP's 44 though.

BlackAmericanoNoSugar · 25/09/2022 14:00

I was often assumed to be the grandmother, possibly I didn't appear competent enough to be a nanny. Grin My DC are mixed ethnicity and I'm white, plus we had them fairly late in life so I'm easily old enough to have grandchildren their age. People didn't mean it rudely, they were usually telling me how cute my 'grandchild' was so I generally let it go and made an appointment to have my grey roots touched up.

Redlocks28 · 25/09/2022 14:02

It’ll be your age-you’re a similar age to me and I have three teens, two at university. He may be assuming you are the baby’s nanny/childcare or even nanny/grandma! I have friends from school who are now grannies.

I think it’s fairly irrelevant if you know other people in their 30/40s with young kids-they weren’t there and you were

SpinningFloppa · 25/09/2022 14:03

My mum had my brother At 45 and she was always assumed to be his grandma, no one ever believed she was his mum.

TokyoTen · 25/09/2022 14:04

I'd say it's not a reflection on you, it's more tied into how he brought his kids up (or the nanny that did).

Original poster
Citycentre3 · 25/09/2022 14:09

There are a lot of older mums in my area, and I have sometimes been in the situation where I was unsure if someone was infact the grandmother or the mother,
it would never occur to me to think nanny, I have always assumed it to be a younger person's job, so it is interesting.

OP posts:
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