Should I be insulted?

[Citycentre3]

I have just come back from a trip to Mark's and Spencer's with my 17 month old daughter.

I popped into the baby change toilet. When I opened the door to leave there was a huge queue for the main toilets and so some people had to take a step back to let me out. There was middle aged gentleman in particular that was staring at me as I was exiting the bathroom, and as soon as my back was turned he said to his wife,
" I wonder what the benefits are of being a nanny, I wonder if she gets paid a lot"

I am just bemused as to why this particular quite posh man would think I was my daughters nanny, what would make him think such a thing.

I also don't know if I should be offended or not, what does the average nanny look like? Is there a stereotype that I am unaware of? I just think it was a rather odd thing to say.

I never heard his wife's reply, I had gone before then, but I have just got home and can't stop wondering what it is about me that says "nanny"

Anybody got any ideas as to what would make a person assume such a thing?

Maybe he meant grandmother then, people do call their grandmother Nan/nanny. Maybe he has read all the threads on mumsnet berating grandparents for not doing more childcare and was asking what the benefits are in looking after a grandchild or if your children are paying you to do it.

38/39 yes, but op is 44. Absolutely no judgement, but that is old for a mum.

I think it’s your choice, to be or not to be insulted.

Where I live the nannies are much older as people want the experience. It could be an age thing?

But the OP is 44, with a one year old. That is very much an older mum.

I was a teenage mum, married and we moved to a new area. We’d obviously been seen together with the children in the shopping area and one day I took both DDs into quite an old fashioned shop to look at a coat for DD1. In the shop she called me mum and the shop woman’s mouth dropped open. Then said “ we thought their dad was a widower and you were the nanny” Why? Just why would they think that. Still no idea after all these years.
Man in queue must have been having a slow news day.

I don’t understand why you are asking if you should be insulted. You are the age you are, not much to do about it. Surely you already know that some people will assume you are the grandmother (or nanny in this case), so why bother being insulted. Just laugh it off.

And I honestly don’t think most people think you are 35 when you are 44. That would be because you have a baby with you then. There is nothing wrong with being and looking like your age anyway.

Yep, could be age.

I still feel like I’m in my 20s and get very surprised when people don’t act super-shocked when I say I’m in my 50s. 😆

In my head, I look young. When I look in the mirror, I’m sure I look mid 30s. In reality, and in photos, I clearly look my age. I’m deluded.

Maybeeee you look 44 and not 35, too. That’s fine, getting older is part of life, normal, but he may have thought it surprising that a mid 40s woman has a baby. Impolite to discuss out loud, within your earshot, so strikes me he was just a (posh, old) weirdo and not worth thinking twice about.

People sometimes say mad stuff. I was on a bus a few years ago - taking my friend’s children and mine, to visit her in hospital (long story). So I had 2 x 5 yo 1 x 3yo, 1 x 2yo and I was pregnant with DD. One of the kids was being a bit whingey.

some random bloke had a massive go at me - basically a rant about how how I shouldn’t be having any more children when I couldn’t look after the ones I had, drain on the state etc.

thing is that my friend and her husband are black Africans and their children look absolutely nothing like me! He did get a massive rant back from me and left the bus after the next stop.

sometimes people just don’t think!

If I knew someone was 40 with a baby, I would assume mum, to me grandparents are 60+, I know of no one younger than that with grandchildren. There is someone that goes to playgroup who is 48 with 1.5year old and she is certainly not granny looking, I assumed she was late 30's to early 40's. We only got onto the subject of age when she asked me if I was planning more children. I told her my age and then she said oh well I am 48 so it is certainly possible.

Yes but that's not everyone's experience and you can't expect it to be.

I only know one 41 year old with a baby. I'm 51 and almost all my friend's kids have grown up or are at Uni etc, although I do have a few whose kids are still in senior school but coming to the end.

But again, there's every chance he wasn't talking about you anyway.

My daughter had curly hair everyone thought I was the babysitter because mine is straight she hated it with a passion and as soon as she could she changed her surname to match mine

Maybe you look really well put together and he thought you must be a nanny

I’m 47 and my daughter graduated from uni. I was not very young when I had her, had travelled the world and gone 4 years at uni. My mum (her grandmother) was then 47. I don’t know anyone over 40 with a small child. And I’ve worked as a nursery teacher for over 20 years in a well educated area (if that has anything to do with it, and I’m not in the UK either). Not saying there is anything wrong with it of course, but there are other experiences.

People have different experiences though.

I’m in my mid 40 and my kids are teens-2 at university-very similar to those of my friends. We are all graduates with professional jobs, so didn’t have children particularly young.

Theres plenty of grandparents in their late 40s/50s where I work.