Villa for a month with 3 mo & 2.5 yr old. Great idea? madness?

[roarfeckingroarr]

DC2 is due end of Jan. I'll be on mat leave for a year and have an almost 2 year old who is (at present) as easy as toddlers come, he's awesome and great company.

I want to make the most of mat leave so was thinking of renting a villa somewhere - probably Italy - for a month around May/June.

DP will be working but could fly out for a week or two mid way so he doesn't miss the kids too much. My two best female friends don't work and would no doubt pop out for a week each. One has a one year old, one has grown teenagers.

Is this madness? What could go wrong? Have my hormones made me forget that it's all quite hard with a tiny one? Only issues I foresee are a) I don't fancy driving abroad and would need two car seats. PITA. So would need somewhere not far from markets / town.

Any advice about where to go? I want warmth, a pool (shared ok), ideally a cleaner at least every few days.

Great idea! La manga club Spain might fit the bill. We thought about this but never bitthe bullet and now the kids are all grown up. Carpe Diem!

Bump please!

For reality check and ideas

Im probably not the person to respond but I think this is an insane idea.

The main thing I would say is that you need to be intimately familiar with every aspect of the villa's layout before you go. Having ended up in a villa for one week with one toddler and three adults, it was completely exhausting and very boring as I was literally on 24/7 watch to prevent ds dying in one of the deathtrap aspects of the house. I'm not kidding; I took ONE hour off for a nap and ds fell in the pool and could have drowned.

Check out safety features. Our villa in Portugal ds did some odd Spiderman flip and nearly went over the balcony. Baby gate at the top of the stairs made my heart jump..
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I would love to do this but then remember how difficult my 2 year old is... following with interest!

Does DC1 go to nursery? Personally I found nursery a godsend during mat leave with DC2. 3.5 year age gap so we already had the funded hours which we spread through the year. When DC1 was at nursery it was priceless tbh in terms of time for me to rest and take it easy with the baby. I found it hard looking after both together and would have found it harder in a holiday destination without DH for half the time (he mostly WFH so can help a bit even when working, plus evenings and weekends obviously) plus family/friends to meet up with and give DC1 attention, plus baby groups, and just the space and stuff we have at home to make life easier with two little ones.

DH and I did take the kids away when DC1 was 4 and DC2 was 9 months old... it was bloody hard work. Wondered why we bothered. But you might have easier kids than mine!

I think it could work if it was a family friendly villa/gite with stair gates, toys etc. also local supermarket and restaurants to go to. There used to be a couple of companies that specialised in this sort of thing- I remember looking at a group of gites with a fenced off pool, playground and ability to order takeaway.

Easy now is not the same as easy in an unfamiliar place with a brand new sibling. I'd say this would be fine with the baby as you just bung them in a sling but the toddler would be hell solo. Could you take another adult every week or just go when your DH can too? Could he work from there?

I find it difficult caring for my two children together and we have a 20 month age gap... getting easier but only now we're 10 m and 2.5. That's in the UK, and it would be exaggerated abroad with it being a different environment. When we went on a week's holiday abroad I had my partner with me, we found things like constant sun cream, pool safety (my toddler would just jump in given the chance), meals, not being able to have any relaxing time quite difficult. If you'll have a bit of help most of the time and your toddler is easy, then I'd go for it. But alone I'd be reluctant!

God no. I took my toddler and baby away for a few days abroad myself. The travel was fine but it was a disaster despite being family friendly hotel. Usually easy older one played up the whole time without Daddy. Never again.

Could you get somewhere with a housekeeper who could cook and maybe do a bit of childcare if you ended up with a nonsleeper baby and wanted to nap in the day?

I have generally found about 10 days is the limit with young children before they need to go home! The issues seem to be different food, missing toys and sleeping arrangements. If you solved these issues then it could work. I perhaps wouldn't fancy it on my own though and I definitely wouldn't fancy a flight with 2 little ones and lots of luggage, but others will manage easier.

I think I'd struggle to relax with the pool and I'd worry I wouldn't be able to bring many toys to entertain the kids with.

Depends on your baby, how your toddler adjusts to their sibling, your tolerance for being away from home, your willingness to parent by yourself while your DH is not there, your confidence if eg one of your children needed healthcare…

Personally I wouldn’t, I found one toddler vastly easier than a tiny baby and an older toddler who didn’t like the baby, I don’t like being away from home for more than a couple of weeks, my kids hate hot weather, I need a variety of friends/family/adults to talk to not just my DH or one friend, my babies didn’t sleep so doing all the night waking etc when DH wasn’t there would have put me off, I wouldn’t want to travel by myself with two little ones if I didn’t have to, my toddler would have needed watching every second in a foreign villa esp one with a pool so I couldn’t relax the way I could at home…

Plus DH would have been gutted to be apart from our little ones for that long and my toddler would have really missed him.

You might be much more adventurous!

Sounds great. I have traveled loads with mine when little and went to Barcelona on mat leave with youngest. We had a fab time.

Me personally, I’ve never really checked out the safety features of anywhere we’ve stayed. We live on a farm. There are dangers all around at home. We’re sensible and we keep everyone safe without bells and whistles at home as well as away. A 3 month old is too little to go anywhere and a 2 year old should be old enough to safely navigate most spaces.

One thing I would recommend is a flat in a city rather than a remote villa. So much easier. You can get a train or bus from the airport and public transport/walk around. No need for car seats or to drive. Lots of parks, playgrounds, attractions nearby, supermarkets, cafes/restaurants.

But we had a lovely time on my mat leave. We did museums and markets, late dinners out after an afternoon nap for both of us, beach, shopping, etc. It was really nice and still one of my favourite memories of my last mat leave.

I always envy people who do this sort of thing but it totally wouldn't suit me in real life... I like to get out & about with my DC and go to toddler groups and so forth, something I couldn't access in a foreign country; I like to see friends I have known for years who accept me for the fact I am distracted whilst telling me about their life with older kids, wedding plans, house buying plans etc for whatever stage of life they are at; I love throwing the DC at DH at the end of each day and, whilst I was fine when he had to go away with work or was away with mates, would have preferred him not to be; I'm not sure I could spend a whole week with many of my friends; I wouldn't want to feel in any way as if I had to host my friends; I like being at home with my toddlers and knowing what is and isn't a safe environment

As I'm pretty sure people who live in Europe in villa type homes manage to raise their children quite well - I can't see the issue with it some posters here do.

I managed to raise ds abroad (alone for a large chunk) in a country where in the area in lived in it was villas (basically a bungalow!) or apartment (basically a flat).

I agree with selecting very carefully as you would a home because unlike a home you can't pop to Argos beforehand for safety gates etc.

But raising kids abroad is no different form the UK. Especially if DH will be there 50% of the time and maybe even some friends.

Thank you very much for responses. Lots to think about.

I regularly take my toddler abroad / away in the UK for anything from a long weekend to a week somewhere. He doesn't run off, he isn't a fussy eater, he's pretty chilled out... so I think I have rose tinted glasses about this.

I think the big take away is I need to reassess after seeing what the baby is like and how DS reacts.

Thank you!

Don't be silly, you're comparing apples and oranges.

OP isn't talking about raising her children abroad, she's talking about an extended holiday. Obviously there's a big difference between your main residence - which will be as big as you can afford, with everything you need for family life - and a holiday home, which will probably be smaller and less well equipped, simply because most people couldn't afford to rent a holiday home as big as their main home, and wouldn't be able to take all their belongings with them on the plane.

People are more likely to have an established network of family and friends at their main home (wherever it is) and obviously wouldn't have that on holiday unless people came to holiday with them.

Raising children abroad as an expat is completely different.

I think you'll struggle with the lack of toys/equipment you'd be used to at home.

What sort of stuff would we need? I exclusively breastfed DS and hope to do so again, so all I really need for the baby is clothes, pram, carrier. Our newborn pram cocoon can be a stand alone place to sleep - but I'll probably co-sleep again. DS and I travel light when we go away - most places have a high chair so we only need clothes, a bib, a couple of toys and books. We were in Greece last month and I just took a small wheely suitcase for us both.

I'm so tempted!

I’d have dh come out for a week each end so you can do a big shop and get settled and to pack up. Could you drive? Then you could take a lot more stuff, keep the car and have dh fly back to uk for the middle. I think it sounds fun.

Do it! Nice short flight like Portugal.. my daughter has just started school and we're so glad we made the most of all the cheaper breaks away. Enjoy!

Do it then. You sound confident. Maybe book something with flexible conditions so you won't lose all your money if you need to cancel or change it.

Your DS does sound pretty easygoing (and presumably slept well from birth, as you don't seem too concerned about doing nights solo for a month with a 4mo, then getting up early with a 2yo) so you might find it's all good. My experience has been tough but perhaps my two were harder work than most; my oldest certainly was/is, but I think he has ASD.

One toddler with a couple of books is very different to a 2.5yo and a newborn. The 2.5yo will need entertainment.
By all means book it and I hope it works. But don't underestimate the "stuff" you need for 2 that you didn't need for one.