My friend hasn't paid me for her ticket to an event we're going to, I feel awkward about reminding her!

[Wisteriabloom]

She lives a distance away, so we don't see each other day-to-day, just meet up 3 or 4 times a year.

We decided to book, in between our two birthdays for a day-trip to a castle, wine-tasting & dinner. I checked she was happy with the price, (£50 per ticket), she said she yes, but could she pay me by direct transfer the following week when she got paid. This was about a month ago. She's very reliable and quick with payments, we've got each other's details. I said that was fine and booked.

She still hasn't paid me though! 🤔 I'm wondering if she forgotten, or intending to pay me on the day (she hasn't said that though). I'm thinking I should message and remind her, as if she doesn't pay me on the day that will be more awkward! If it was £10 or £20 I might let it go, but this is £50! Interested to know what some of you would do, thank you!

Has she seen it/replied to you?

I use Starling bank for precisely this situation - it’s very easy to follow up WhatsApp discussions with a tailored request for payment to each friend. They just click the link and bingo, you’re paid. So many threads like this are started on MN, with friends too worried about asking for money. I just cheerfully tell my friends the request will be sent through asap 👍 and they always appreciate how simple and clear it is.

I loathe owing anyone money and like to pay people straight away so i don’t forget.

however on a couple of occasions I’ve had to be reminded- this was because I went on my app to pay and thought I’d done it but momentarily got distracted and didn’t click right through to the end. I’ve had messages with words to the effect of what other posters have suggested. I have been slightly embarrassed but not in the least bit annoyed (wel slightly with myself)

Tell her if she doesn't pay by xxx date you'll sell her ticket to someone else?

What if she hasn’t got it for some reason? Are you going to make an issue of it if she’s a really good friend?

These kinds of suggestions make my toes curl.

I must have a very different friendship style!

She hasn't responded yet, although I can see she's been online. 🤔 Something's telling me she no longer wants to go, but obviously I don't know for sure.
If she's changed her mind, or just doesn't have the money I won't let it affect our friendship. I will be disappointed though!

Good that you’ve messaged her.
People do forget sometimes. I recently forgot about giving a friend money back. I saw her twice since then and both times forgot. It’s a smaller sum but believe me, it’s very unlike me. I messaged her and asked to remind me next time we’re meeting up.

I’d be worried that she is going to pull out which is why she is not paying you

I bought tickets to see someone and a friend can't go now. Hopefully dh can swap a shift and come. My closest friends would both like to go if I asked and it's sold out (famous singer) another friend is unreliable because of health. Another is up too early the next day.
But I'll go alone if I have to as I'm a huge fan.

I hope you get an answer soon or find someone else?

I've forgotten to pay a friend not once but twice...mortified....as I'm sure they were. We go for birthday meals. There's 3 of us, usually meet for birthdays and the other 2 pay for the meal and present. I don't live in the same place as them and sometimes it's embarrassing to not wrangle over the money in front of the birthday person. So it gets sidelined and I must have just forgotten...totally. I can't remember how I found out I'd forgotten but in a conversation on the phone I detected an edge to my friends voice and I said, ' have I done this before? ' the reply was yes. I was utterly affronted. So I feel some empathy with your friend.

So maybe just say 'Are you happy to still go to this day out ?? If not, I can sell it on if you've gone off the idea. Whaddaya think ? '

Oooh- that would bug me!

@Travellingwomble why were you affronted that she was angry that you hadn't paid for 2 meals? Embarrassed yes, affronted? No

Oh, hope she still wants to go or at least tells you what's going on soon.

I’m in the same boat. A group of us and I’ve booked tickets for a show. Two haven’t paid. I’ve asked twice now on a chat and sent bank details. It’s not until next year and I feel so awkward asking a third time. It’s made me reconsider the friendship really. I’m probably the lowest earner of us all.

That's pretty off not to even reply to you... if she can't pay or whatever she needs to at least let you know not just leave you hanging. Doesn't sound like a great friend to me.

I can 100% see why you wouldn’t want to text as I wouldn’t either! I literally don’t know if I could bring myself to 🙈 I would probably just make a point of mentioning on the night the price of the tickets like ‘for £50 it’s really good what you get actually’.. then when she realises she hasn’t paid you can get it then.

She needs to say if she's not going then you could take someone else.

I can see that some of you have experienced similar, it's difficult, isn't it! Sparklythings, you sound like me! I find it difficult to remind people they owe me, but am glad I've messaged now!

Another friend pulled out of something I'd bought tickets for last Christmas. She just casually said 'I'm sure you'll find someone else to go with, if not I'll pay for my ticket'. It's not that easy though - Yes I know lots of people, but I'm finding people are more reluctant now to do big days/nights out. With everything going up, many (me included!) will only consider a long day, travel fares & ticket/entrance fee for something they REALLY want to do, and are less likely to step in at the last minute for something they're not fussed about.

I learned my lesson in booking and paying for things on behalf of a group. Someone always pulls out before they've paid leaving you to either sell on or get stuck with the cost. You can suggest they're still liable to pay but if they don't, you're out of pocket. I'll now only organise things for groups that don't need advance purchase

Next time, don't book anything before having the money in your bank.

It doesn't sound like you'll be putting yourself first in this friendship.

@Wisteriabloom did your friend ever reply?

Yes, Hebe. She eventually replied to say she gets paid this weekend, and will pay me then. I didn't mention she said that last month, although was tempted!

I just replied 'Ok, that will be good! Looking forward to our day out.' x

If she doesn't pay this weekend though I'll have to send a stronger worded text!

Yes awkward. I try and get money upfront or via revolut now as find people are lax

Well make sure you chase her for it this weekend.