Could I (potential) end up having to pay for one of my parents funeral?

[JustlookingNotbuying]

My parents are elderly (both 80). Dad is in good health (thankfully, atm) but mum has Alzheimer’s.
They have a lot of money invested and a house which worth quite a bit too.
My in-laws organised and pre-paid for their funeral (wishes, songs, hymns etc all organised) and their burial plots several years ago.
At the time (and since) my dad has scoffed at this saying it’s weird and macabre. It really isn’t, I see it as sensible (my friends mum has recently done the same).
When MIL passed away 2 years ago there was literally no stress for dh, bil or fil. The funeral company just got out a piece of paper which they signed and everything was dealt with.
Dad still thinks it is weird and will not discuss his or mums wishes. When I’ve asked he just says there is £10k in an account which will cover everything then it’s down to dsis and I to deal with it. He says he had to organise his parents and mum hers and it isn’t that much of an issue!
Anyhow, not much more I can say about that!?
But mum does have dementia, it is in the late early stages atm.
Dad doesn’t cope too well with her care and although I help most days there will come a time when mum will need to go into full time care and obviously this will be when their money will start to be eaten away including the £10k ‘funeral’ money as it’s not secured and will be taken into account with the rest of their money.
Anyway, my FIL was talking to his neighbours daughter the other day. The neighbour had gone into care some years ago due to dementia. Her savings were drawn down during this time and sadly the house also had to be sold. By the time she had passed away all her money (including the funds from house sale) had gone. The £23,500 which I believe ‘they’ can not touch was swallowed up with estate agent fees, legal and solicitor fees etc so in the end thendaughter and her dh had to pay for her mothers funeral.
This has worried me a little as I personally don’t have the money to pay for one of my parents funeral, neither has my dsis and tbh with my parents combined worth of roughly £800k (including current house prices), I don’t see why I should have too but still my dad refuses to even discuss a pre-paid plan.
I honestly don’t know if fil’s neighbour story is real or exaggerated but I am now a little concerned could this potentially happen? Can children end up having to foot one of their parents funeral bills if a care home drains all the money?
We (dad and I) have a meeting with his solicitor next week to clarify things in his will, I need to voice my concerns then.

@focuspocus if your parents hold the house as joint tenants it is very easy to change this to tenants in common and then your father can leave his share to whomever he wants in his will. You don't need the permission or authority of both people just one of them.

The money would come from their estate. Probably have to pay upfront but claimable after probate is granted

What a horrid situation I would drop into conversation that they'll be each having a direct cremation if they haven't sort out a prepaid funeral plan.

Sometimes the drip drip drip strategy can work.

Another option is to ask for a "generous" Christmas & Birthday gift every year to then put aside to cover it.

I hope he sees sense soon.

You do say that you have mentioned several times and that you plan to again and that you're not happy with his choice / view.
I do think you need to respect his wishes to not raise again or discuss it further and that there is very likely to be sufficient money to pay it.

I'm a funeral arranger and we regularly work with banks and solicitors who pay the funeral bill direct. If your parents have a combined worth of £800K then I wouldn't be worrying too much.

As for the PP who said pre-paid plans are a con, they really aren't. You do need to make sure you go to a funeral director whose plans are regulated by the FCA. What you pay for the funeral director's fees is usually a bit less than the price you'd pay if you were doing it at time of need. They'll also be guaranteed, so even if the funeral director's fees go up, you won't have to pay more at time of need. You can also pay a contribution towards third party costs if you wish eg crematorium/church/interment. These costs aren't guaranteed, so there could be a bit extra to pay at time of need if prices have risen.

I would definitely raise it when you meet the solicitor next week to discuss the will. Perhaps your dad would be more likely to listen to the solicitor.

Your parents will have £23,500 of assets each or thereabouts that is ring fenced from care fees. Ample for a funeral.Direct funerals/cremations are fast growing in popularity & are the cheapest option, no frills/fuss. That's what I want but family want a proper send off for me. If there is no estate then dwp pick up the tab of a very basic funeral.

You can as pp said get the bank to pay a funeral director after the account holder dies. A direct cremation is very cost effective, I would allow £4k for both parents in total.

There is no need to have a funeral or a wake if there are insufficient funds.

Not quite the same but I had a really awful time when my dad died as he had no money, no plan (he was only 50) and it was sudden. I was a uni student and not eligible for any financial help as not on any benefits.
In the end my mum (who was never married to my dad and was no longer with him) had to fill in a form asking for help based on benefits she receives and state that she was his next of kin and I had no relationship with him. It was partially true and the only way we could get any help. My family scrimped together to foot the rest of the bill as we didn't want him to have no real funeral. The government will only pay for a paupers cremation and you cannot attend at all.

My mum now has a pre paid plan so that I never have to have that stress again

My sister died and me and DB split the cost. There was no estate to take money from and no prepaid plan. Our parents couldn't afford to pay.
If we hadn't have been able to pay for it the council offer a basic free cremation on a day and time of their choosing, not yours.

My best friend lost her husband and has since prepaid for her own funeral. DH and I plan to do the same once our nursery fees are no longer a monthly expense.

One thing I would say is that DMIL had a "proper" funeral it was £££s . DFIL who sadly lost touch with many of his friends had a direct funeral , as similarly a friend of mine arranged for his wife. Direct funerals I think can give you a time and a place to later remember the person & are much cheaper . But would not suit all , I admit.

 It is very hard for people to understand what it's really like to live with and how consuming it is.

I love my parents but like OP can't help think about how other parents are thinking ahead and making funeral plans and even LPA's while healthy to ease the burden on their DC's who probably have children, jobs and other stresses and may not be as well off financially or time wise as their parents. My friends parents have done these things as well as changing in good time to more suitable properties such as ground floor flats as they age. They benefit as well as the DC. Luckily my parents house has the space downstairs for mum's hospital bed. The stairs are very steep and narrow and when she was still mobile and we could only just have the stairlift in, her toes would touch the wall.

Thank you very much @Thecatisboss I will let my dad know. I thought it would be more complicated and he won't do things that are not quick and easy.

No, you won't have to pay for it/them.

If either parent has passports benefits/ guarantee pension credit there’s a funeral fund. I’d enquire with the pension service in the first instance.

People in care will be left with savings of £14,250.00 when capital drops to this amount they no longer have to contribute savings towards care fees and only contribute income. Estate agent and solicitors fees relating to a sale if the property should cone out of the sale proceeds before the equity is distributed.

Thanks everyone for the great advice especially on the simple funerals etc.
WhenDovesFly that’s really reassuring, thank you.
It has put my mind at ease. Hopefully it won’t even be an issue for a long time but at least I can be rest assured it should be fine come the time 🤞

It depends on definition of 'proper'. It won't cover attendance, flowers, etc and certainly not teas afterwards. Fine if that's what OP

I know exactly how you feel.
My mum and her partner are on benefits, they don't have any property, they seem intent on spending every penny they have the moment they get it.
I only have 1 half brother with learning difficulties, who I have never been close to due to large age gap and abuse at the hands of his father, who he resembles.
I know I'm going to have to pay for my mum's funeral and I'm nervous about what will become of my brother when my mum does pass. It's a real stress. I've worked very hard to make a better life for myself than my mum did, but I don't have enough money for an expensive funeral

My in laws pre paid their funeral but it didn’t cover everything. We had to pay for flowers, the family car, and the wake. I’m fairly sure there was some else too.

I thought there was now a 90k cap on paying for care? But maybe I've misunderstood. I guess that may not include care for dementia which maybe considered social care.

I’ve had to arrange the funerals for my parents. My mum 22yrs ago and my dad last year. It’s daunting at first as uncharted territory, but honestly the funeral directors make it very easy to do. As far as work goes, it’s the easiest part of settling an estate/affairs imho. Easier than sorting their utility bills and mobiles/internet! Certainly easier than probate, selling a house, going through possessions, etc.

You’ve asked him more than once, I don’t think you should bring it up again especially not in front of the solicitor as that’s kind of a bullying technique imho to not accept an answer so decide to put the person on the spot in front of a non family member. You can disagree with his decision all you want, but I don’t think it’s that big of an ask for a DC to arrange the funerals for their parents and think you should respect his wishes and not keep bringing it up.

Would he transfer you the money in an account to be used for the funeral?

When the time comes look at independent funeral directors

Absolutely echo this. My friend is a celebrant and she advised me to go with a local independent after my Mum died and I'm so glad we did. The big chains charge more and you get a much less personal service. Our funeral director was amazing and the costs were lower than I expected. We paid about £3400 and that included a few non-standard extras (such as having a piper outside the crematorium.) Still a lot of money, so I fully appreciate the worry this is causing, OP. But if you go with a local undertaker, they really will hold your hand through all of this.

With assets of over £800k I really doubt you are going to have to pay for their funerals out of your pocket.
It will come out of the estate and then you will get your inheritance, is that what you are annoyed about?

If he isn't going to do prepaid maybe you can talk about which funeral director they want. As a nurse it's hard enough to let family know that a loved one has passed, and having to ask who to call when they haven't even discussed it is harder. I've had families say we'll discuss it tomorrow. But the home needs to know ahead of time, we can't keep their loved on in their room indefinitely. They are usually picked up within a few hours.