DD Hating University Already

[SooticaTheWitchesCat]

My DD has been at university for two weeks. First week was freshers week then we had the bank holiday so she has so far been to two lectures.
She gets on well with her flat mates and says the people on her course are nice. She has been out quite a bit and had joined a few groups.
but she says she doesn’t like it. She found the lectures disappointing, she doesn’t think university life is for her, she doesn’t like any of the groups she has joined, she doesn’t like the town.
last night she said she wants to drop out.
Has anyone got any advice on how I can help her deal with this. I never went to university so I can’t give her first hand experience but I know a lot of people who have said it takes a while to settle in.
I know it must be hard for her but I’m sure if she gives it a chance she will love it. And I have said if she still hates it after she has given in a while she doesn’t have to stay.
Has anyone who has felt this way or had kids who felt this way got any advice I can give to her please?
I want her to be happy but I don’t want her to thrown away this opportunity.
Thanks in advance

Thank you everyone for your input.
She has come home for the weekend so we have had a chance to have a long talk.
She says she doesn’t actually hate everything, she likes the friends she has made, and has had fun so far, she is enjoying being independent and isn’t too homesick, although she does kiss us. She doesn’t really hate the town she is in and she doesn’t even mind the groups she has joined but she says she just doesn’t know whether she really wants to do a degree now and it’s making her miserable thinking about it.
I have suggested she gives it another few weeks to decide and if she is still unhappy we will talk about it again.
I told her to go back with an open mind about it and really think about whether she is making the right decision. I also told her what everyone was saying on here so that she knows that others have gone through struggles too.
I hope she decides to stay because I think it is a great opportunity for her but if she is really unhappy I will support her decision.

Sounds like a sensible approach OP it's one of those things that there isn't a right or wrong answer, just a right answer for each individual.

One other thought, she doesn't need to do a degree, most universities will allow you to leave with a Certificate or Diploma of HE or an HNC / HND so she probably has the option of taking a lower qualification and leaving after a year.

Are her friends still at home - she might find her friends have all left the area attending uni etc.
If she leaves home to a job somewhere there will be no freshers week, probably many staff not her age group, possibly working from home, or possibly long daily commute.

I feel your pain. My DD has just gone. I drove her 6 hours to get there and 6 hours home on my own and 2 days later she is wanting to come home. Saying the town is so awful she feels like killing herself.... lots of drama... me feeling awful for insisting she calm down and give it a proper go... but another week in and she had made a couple of friends, found a charity shop with a £1 section where she found lots of bargains and starting to enjoy the learning too. I am so relieved. It can be a hard time for everyone.
I do agree that Uni is not for everyone though and if she wanted to leave and get a job, I would support that but would encourage an apprenticeship so she is aiming for a qualification along the way.

I was always encouraged not to give anything up until I’d given it a proper go. Without strong encouragement from my parents to stick it out I’d have left uni in first term due to raging homesickness. By second term I absolutely loved it. One of my brothers was the same. It takes time to get used to the massive lifestyle change of moving away from home.

She also needs to talk to her tutors about this as they will have the knowledge over whether / how the degree will benefit her or not.

A few of DDs friends left at Christmas last year. One has gone back to a different course that she should have done in the first place but was trying to please others.
The others have jobs.
If she is happy in her flat, and has made some friends, I suggest she gives it a few more weeks. She's done the hardest part. If you don't find your people it can be very lonely.

Ds wasn't happy, it took him till mid November to find a friend. He had a room share not just flat share, his roomie never spoke. He came home every weekend until December when he finally started to settle, then the roomie left so he had a room to himself. It was the making of him. Much more self reliant and confidant after being in Uni for while.I'd ask her to give it till Christmas. two lectures is nothing to judge by.
If you ask her what she wants, ask not for right now I want to come home ask what she wants for her future, her career, her life.

Seconding PPs on avoiding home visits for the first couple of months minimum.

If they still want to leave then encourage them down the apprenticeship route. Yes, there are entry jobs you don’t need a degree for at 18 but without higher qualifications career progress can be limited.

I think there is a huge amount of pressure to have “the best time ever” at university. In reality it’s probably your first time away from home, living with strangers, navigating a new town/city, managing on a limited budget, pressure to make friends, join clubs. It’s a lot and most people most certainly aren’t having the best time ever. The people who say this are often looking back to their last year when they had a secure friendship group and had adjusted to uni life.

definitely encourage her to stay, welcome her home at weekends and if you can go and visit her for the day and treat her to lunch out. I didn’t love university it was fine and geared me up to move to London (where I started living my best life thanks to earning money!). Uni for me was a means to an end and taught me some good lessons in a half way house between home and the real world.

I was desperate to go to uni. But I was also the first in my family to go, so all my ideas came from books and films.

It was not like that.

I had somehow thought that being surrounded by other clever people would be better than the knobs in my shitty little town. But in lots of ways, it was still like 6th form. And the lads were all pretty much the same age as me, whereas I was used to hanging out with older people. I'd expected non stop parties, but my corridor was all girls who quite liked to go to bed by 11.

I didn't hate it, but I remember feeling very overwhelmed and fucked off with how disappointingly immature people were. I'd also expected it to be full of alternative kids like me. It was not.

About 6 weeks in though, I found my people.

If nothing else, it taught me to wait, in any new situation: jobs, babies, new houses.

Uni is a means to an end. What is the end point she envisions? Can they get there any other way?

Do they have an end point in mind at all? Or are they using education as a place holder while they grow up a bit (one of mine is, but she is enjoying it)?

What happens about the finances ? How much money do they loose please

Get her to stay until Christmas and see how she feels then - it's only a few weeks really and she'll most likely join some groups and get into the swing of things a bit more. I know a few people who've hated the first few weeks and then gone on to love it, and also some people who dropped out and have regretted it ever since, so I'd definitely give it a bit more of a chance

Thank you OP for the update and I hope your DD does decide to stay after all.

When I first started I really didn't like it, even though my flatmates were lovely. I didn't want to be there, but didn't have the balls to tell my mum because she'd done so much to help me get there.

I actually wrote down a countdown calendar until Christmas so I could count off a day each night when I went to bed.

By the end of the second week I was forgetting to mark the days, and by the end of the third week I threw the countdown away altogether.

Now, I look back on university as the best days of my life, although I do have to remember that those first couple of weeks were incredibly tough!

I didn't really drink or enjoy going out, and I didn't join a single society. But, I was close to my flatmates and a few of the girls on my course - and they made it for me. It was brilliant in the end.

You sound a lovely mum, op, in that you won't guilt her or pressure her into sticking it out at all costs.
Maybe a long text conversation where she may be able to work things through with you, that she may not actually say when speaking.
Or go up if you can and take her out for the day.
Anything to try and soften her attempting to give it a chance.
She needs to know that if she does leave it isn't a failure, she's loved no matter what, and her mental health is top priority.