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Original poster

Meal time incompetence

41 replies

Adventurine · 22/09/2022 18:16

DH has to cook dinner on Thursdays. JUST Thursdays.

So far we've had a handful of bagged salad in a bowl each. That's a starter, he says.

It's quarter past 6 and we normally eat at 5. Everyone is starving, DH says I've no idea how difficult it is to cook for everyone because I "do it without any bother."

I am so annoyed.

OP posts:
takemetomybeach · 22/09/2022 18:18

What is he cooking? Maybe he should cook more than once a week to learn to "do it without fuss"?

FurAndFeathers · 22/09/2022 18:20

It’s strategic incompetence. He’s doing a shit job so you don’t ask him again. If you try and hold him accountable he’ll have a tantrum that it’s so difficult for him and insinuate you’re being unreasonable to try and deter you from holding him accountable in future.
next Thursday he’ll ‘forget’ and you won’t want to remind him because it’s not worth the argument.

he’ll never make dinner again.

classic manipulation. Very unpleasant. Massive red flag.

Crabwoman · 22/09/2022 18:25

Yeah he can't be arsed, so is doing it on purpose so you won't ask again.

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General food
wildseas · 22/09/2022 18:26

Do you normally cook?

Make no comment and no complaint, eat whatever he serves. Do not help. Do not make suggestions. Don't have a fight about it.

Insist he does it next week, and the week after, and the week after that. This is the fight to have.

pinkyredrose · 22/09/2022 18:28

I have little patience with men who feign incompetence. If he can read he can follow a recipe.

GiantTortoise · 22/09/2022 18:31

wildseas · 22/09/2022 18:26

Do you normally cook?

Make no comment and no complaint, eat whatever he serves. Do not help. Do not make suggestions. Don't have a fight about it.

Insist he does it next week, and the week after, and the week after that. This is the fight to have.

This. Hide your annoyance. Stay calm. Just don't let him get away with not doing it in future!

coodawoodashooda · 22/09/2022 18:37

FurAndFeathers · 22/09/2022 18:20

It’s strategic incompetence. He’s doing a shit job so you don’t ask him again. If you try and hold him accountable he’ll have a tantrum that it’s so difficult for him and insinuate you’re being unreasonable to try and deter you from holding him accountable in future.
next Thursday he’ll ‘forget’ and you won’t want to remind him because it’s not worth the argument.

he’ll never make dinner again.

classic manipulation. Very unpleasant. Massive red flag.

Excellent post.

MuggleMe · 22/09/2022 18:40

I'm fascinated at what point he started thinking about what to cook, and actually started cooking. I'm betting it wasn't before 5.

UsernameTaken76 · 22/09/2022 18:40

What is he supposedly cooking that takes this long???

Whatwouldscullydo · 22/09/2022 18:42

Urgh

If he was that useless he'd be dead already

Strategic incompetence designed to never have to make dinner again.dont give in

andtheweedonkey · 22/09/2022 18:42

Deliberate dickishness.

Thank him profusely when he's finally provided you all with beans on toast and suggest he does Tuesdays as well as he's such a good cook.

CMOTDibbler · 22/09/2022 18:43

It was my DS16s turn to cook tonight. At 6 I told him I was finished with work, and he chose a recipe (from his new student cookbook), cooked it, served me and I'd eaten it by 6.30.

Goldbar · 22/09/2022 18:51

He needs more practice. He should do it every night until he gets good at it.

WorkshyHorsefly · 22/09/2022 18:51

It's threads like these that make me feel profoundly grateful I divorced the strategically incompetent bloke I used to be yoked to.

EveSix · 22/09/2022 18:55

Keep your cool. Don't let him make it about you. Enjoy scintillating conversation with your DC if any are present, be the embodiment of patience. You're not moving, this is the hill.

pointythings · 22/09/2022 18:56

Well, this means he now gets to do it every day for the next month so that he can get good at it.

Original poster
Adventurine · 22/09/2022 19:00

MuggleMe · 22/09/2022 18:40

I'm fascinated at what point he started thinking about what to cook, and actually started cooking. I'm betting it wasn't before 5.

It was not.

7pm, we have just been served carbonara

OP posts:
ZenNudist · 22/09/2022 19:03

Carbonara is my go to quick dinner! Ready in the time it takes to boil pasta!

Original poster
Adventurine · 22/09/2022 19:04

I don't care what he serves! Pizza, sausage and chips, pasta and sauce.... just as long as HE makes it and it's actually cooked food.

I am going to eat all of this meal and I am going to say thank you and say I am looking forward to next Thursday.

Should I ignore all the dishes, as he and the DC seem to every other day of the week, expecting me to cook and wash up and reacting with surprise when I point them out?

OP posts:
Original poster
Adventurine · 22/09/2022 19:05

ZenNudist · 22/09/2022 19:03

Carbonara is my go to quick dinner! Ready in the time it takes to boil pasta!

Mine too. But you'd think it needed to be researched and proportioned as if one were making rocket fuel if you'd visited my kitchen this evening

OP posts:
Pumpkinsnearlyready · 22/09/2022 19:06

When I met dh his idea of cooking was rice and a dried out chicken breast.. He was quite undomesticated...
First family meal for 8 of us he came home with the ingredients for a roast dinner.
Including 2 small carrots!
He is the main cook now. Patience op.

And keep out the kitchen next time.

escapingthecity · 22/09/2022 19:08

In our house the rule is that if you prepared the food you don't do the washing up. I suggest you adopt it too

Soubriquet · 22/09/2022 19:09

This is definitely strategic incompetence.

I can barely cook to save my life. Dh does most of the cooking.

But even I can do things like beans on toast, pizza, chicken nuggets and chips, spaghetti bolgnese, curry, eggy bread and stuff like that.

I can’t do a roast meal or anything that requires several dishes being cooked at once but I can manage.

mrsm43s · 22/09/2022 19:09

What on earth is wrong with homemade Spaghetti Carbonara and salad served up by 7pm. Fairly standard weekday dinner in our house, served at a sensible dinner time.

Not seeing the issue tbh.

Soubriquet · 22/09/2022 19:10

mrsm43s · 22/09/2022 19:09

What on earth is wrong with homemade Spaghetti Carbonara and salad served up by 7pm. Fairly standard weekday dinner in our house, served at a sensible dinner time.

Not seeing the issue tbh.

They normally eat at 5 and he didn’t serve until 7….this is the issue