Please, I just need some help.

[MorningAfterAnxiety]

Hi,

That's it really. I'm in a really bad place. Either on the edge of or in tears....all the time.

I'm just so sad, so scared - of everything apparently and I can't shake it anymore. I'm drinking too much too and today is another 'hangxiety' day and I just really don't like myself. Some days I would go as far as to say I hate myself.

I worry about everything. I have OCD and mine presents mainly with dark and repetitive thoughts. Sometimes they can be quite mundane thoughts, but will be on a loop, so become very distressing.

I think I've hit a wall and I know people will tell me to call my GP, but honestly, what is the point? I will be put on a year long waiting list for therapy that never really works, offered medication I don't want to take.

It all just feels hopeless. I have an amazing dd who I worry about so much and I know the amount is not normal. I don't want to pass this on to her, but I'd be incredibly naive to think that it hasn't already affected her.

I honestly don't feel like I'm supposed to be happy. I haven't been truly happy for decades. I'm not sure I've been happy since my childhood. I think adulthood has always terrified me tbh.

My dp tells me I just need to be happy and enjoy my life. Well yes, wouldn't that be nice! I wish I felt less. I feel too much and that's really the main problem.

Not really sure why I'm posting this. I guess I must be looking for some help, just not sure I can be helped anymore.

Thank you for reading

Giving this a bump.

Call your GP and read what you've written here. Even if (as you say) it takes them a long time to be able to offer anything, you might find that having taken that first step to helping yourself stimulates more steps, or brings a tiny chink of light with it. You also need to talk to someone else; parents? Friends? Partner if he's willing to listen beyond what you've already said?

Call your gp and make an appointment. In the meantime you can contact the Samaritans if you need someone to talk to in the interim.

You need to seek help for your addiction. Medication won't help if you're addicted to alcohol.

Oh love I am so sorry to hear things are so tough

Can you ring GP and ask for beta blockers to help if you've got a racing heart
Can you go for a walk this evening with your daughter to try to focus on something else

How old are you OP? Could it be peri menopause? I went to the edge. Anxiety through the roof.

Take the medication. There's no rational reason not to.

Call your GP.

If medication is prescribed, take it.

Do it for your daughter.

Agree with pp about contacting your gp.

how much are you drinking? Alcohol/hangover make everything you are experiencing worse- do you think you could stop for a period and see whether that helps?

GP and alcoholics anonymous

I’m sorry you’re having problems. Know what you mean about GP, mine is useless and likes to diagnose over the phone…
As you don’t think you’ll get prompt help via the GP it’ll have to be self care. Maybe try some little things and if each one helps just 10% they might add up to make a change iyswim.
Look on YouTube, search hypnotherapy for anxiety or OCD, whatever you feel comfortable with. I can recommend Michael Seeley, his voice is nice. Don’t worry, you won’t be hypnotised so you can’t do anything, it’s more relaxation. I’ve found him really helpful.
Do some nice things for yourself, even it’s just nice smelling soap, hand cream, nail polish or perfume.
If you can go out for a walk have a cup of tea while you’re out or take a flask with you. You don’t have to walk far but sitting in a park with a cuppa extends your time out.
Add in little things you like.
If you’re worried about alcohol use search for an alcohol support service in your area or call AA.

How can you be helped if you will not except it. Why don't you want to take medication if it might make you feel better. Have you contacted mind they might have some advise. You could pay for therapy next time it might help.
If I felt like you I would try anything to feel better

Can you write a letter to the GP instead?

Take meds and then get help for the drinking! Do it for yourself and family

I think the fact you are really clear about the what is happening and why is a really good thing.

i know you are not keen on seeing the GP.
So I’m wondering, what has helped before? What has made the OCD worse for you?
Could yo start by ding the things that helped and reducing the stuff that make it worse? I suspect alcohol is a culprit there.

Yeah, it's absolutely fucking shit. Take a very deep breath. For now, just focus on getting through today. Go to bed early and hopefully tomorrow will look better.

Lots of chemical rubbish working against you today if you are hungover so difficult to open to suggestions as to getting help I imagine.

Does your GP surgery have any sort of system where you can submit a request for help with an issue online, ours is called e-consult? That might be easier than ringing up.

Can I ask why you don't want to take medication? I think that is quite a strange attitude tbh when you are clearly experiencing quite serious health issues. Would you feel the same if it wasn't mental health?

You are ill.

Illnees requires treatment.

Without treatment, the illness will continue and worsen.

That is all there is to it. You need to seek and go through the full course of treatment to attempt to treat your illness.

Throw out the booze
Do at least half an hour's brisk walking every day
Call the GP and follow their advice
Cut caffeine down or out
Just focus on doing the sensible thing each day
💐

Try the GP, yes there will be waiting lists for therapy and yes, you may well be offered meds immediately.

My GP suggested I see the meds as helping while on the waiting list. The surgery also had a CBT adviser who I got to see between meds & the (longer) wait for other therapy and frankly was just as good if not better than the eventual therapy group.

Waiting lists seem insurmountable at first but getting your name down isn’t hurting you, or costing you, and if some meds can help during the wait try that.

I remember years ago seeing a tv show (oprah maybe? or even trisha) and they made the point that if you are drinking to cope and the nearest off-licence is closed, you probably will go to the next one, or supermarket or root around for the remains of last years’ cooking sherry - point being you would try hard to get that fix of alcohol - so try and apply that to therapy/other positive help.

Waiting list for therapist is x months, so what can I do right now? Meds, CBT, local groups of AA or other types of support. Apply the hunt mentality of alcohol to hunt for support instead was the essential message.

And maybe try something left field - I rejected religion early on in life <reasons> yet found tremendous support from three different very religious people/groups later in life and none of the judgement/indoctrination that I had feared

The flip side of never knowing when the next bad thing might happen, is never knowing when the next amazing supportive good thing might happen too.

Change may be scary, but at least there’s hope of something different, staying the same, well, the devil you know I suppose, but you lose hope of anything better.

Nurture the hope of a better life and at least there’s more of a possibility that you will cope with/move towards change.

Use the energy that holds you in place (& self-medicating with alcohol) for making those changes and there is every possibility that even small changes will bring better times.

Best of luck & every new road needs a first step etc etc* 💐

*list the clichés, laugh at them, then realise the truth that made them clichés at all & embrace the cheesy clichéd change!

I couldn’t agree more. This is the first step.

why are people so reluctant to take medication for mental health illness and there’s no such stigma against medication for physical illness. Apart from very religious or others fearful of meds. It is so sad.

Accept the meds if offered, I've been in the waiting list since the start of lockdown and am probably looking at waiting a year or two more.

Perhaps because medication has side effects and some is known to not be very effective?

Agree, ring GP first, or do online consultation, I’ve found it the quickest way. I do this back in April, filled in the consultation online, they rang me an hour later to see if I was ok, and I was seeing the GP face to face an hour after that. Self-referred to Psych therapies, and was given my assessment appointment 24 hours later.
If you'd broken your leg, you’d see a doctor, and get treatment. Just do it. Good luck, your DP isn’t really helping by minimising what you’re feeling.

Thanks so much for all your replies.

To those asking, I only usually drink at the weekends, but it would probably be described as a binge. Never drink to get drunk, but usually have several glasses per day Friday - Sunday. A couple at the pub, then a few more at home. I was oddly encouraged to drink at home by my parents from my late teens. Mid teens on holidays 🙄 Very strange, looking back. Only just realising recently how strange.

I keep thinking about stopping altogether, but then convince myself it's my only real vice. I think I definitely need to address it now. I actually just realised, I've never actually "I'm drinking too much" before, so I guess that's at least a first step.

I have had bad reactions to medication in the past, so I'm reluctant. I'm not going to rule it out completely. Tbf, it was a long time a go when I was last on them.