Please, I just need some help.

[MorningAfterAnxiety]

Hi,

That's it really. I'm in a really bad place. Either on the edge of or in tears....all the time.

I'm just so sad, so scared - of everything apparently and I can't shake it anymore. I'm drinking too much too and today is another 'hangxiety' day and I just really don't like myself. Some days I would go as far as to say I hate myself.

I worry about everything. I have OCD and mine presents mainly with dark and repetitive thoughts. Sometimes they can be quite mundane thoughts, but will be on a loop, so become very distressing.

I think I've hit a wall and I know people will tell me to call my GP, but honestly, what is the point? I will be put on a year long waiting list for therapy that never really works, offered medication I don't want to take.

It all just feels hopeless. I have an amazing dd who I worry about so much and I know the amount is not normal. I don't want to pass this on to her, but I'd be incredibly naive to think that it hasn't already affected her.

I honestly don't feel like I'm supposed to be happy. I haven't been truly happy for decades. I'm not sure I've been happy since my childhood. I think adulthood has always terrified me tbh.

My dp tells me I just need to be happy and enjoy my life. Well yes, wouldn't that be nice! I wish I felt less. I feel too much and that's really the main problem.

Not really sure why I'm posting this. I guess I must be looking for some help, just not sure I can be helped anymore.

Thank you for reading

With regards to actually calling the GP, waiting lists aside, I sort of feel like I'm officially going backwards again as soon as I do thar. I KNOW how stupid that sounds. It's hard to explain. It's just I've been here so many times and it's so depressing to think that this is just the way it goes for me.

If you feel like the alcohol may be a factor, I'd recommend a book called This Naked Mind which explains well how alcohol affects your happiness, mental health, anxiety (tldr- it's not good). Might be worth stopping for a few weeks and see if it helps.

I see this as part of the stigma towards mental health issues though. People just wouldn’t think twice about taking medication for a physical illness.

My advice is take the medication. Nobody wants to be in the position where they need it, but it's got to be better than going through every day feeling like this.

I've just started on sertraline and I'm already feeling better after just a few days.

I had a breakdown at the beginning of the year after months of holding it inside.

I called the Gp first thing in the morning, completely broke down to the lovely receptionist and just kept repeating that I need help. GP called me back a few hours later, immediately signed me off work, started a prescription of ADs, and put on the list for therapy. I was extremely lucky that we have a great MH unit in my area so I was pretty much immediately doing telephone sessions.

It was the hardest, most embarrassing, and, more importantly, the BEST thing I have ever done.

My life is completely different now to how it was. I don’t think I would be alive today if I hadn’t picked up that phone.

If you do have a bad reaction to the meds you can change them for another type there are lots and one of them could work for you

@BonjourBonheur thanks for the recommendation.

@RunningFromInsanity I'm glad you got help and you're through the other side now.