I think I'm finally admitting that I have a drink problem

[Liuckle]

I'm in my 40s and I've drank since I was a teenager

I don't drink during the week but I get through 2-3 bottles of wine plus a few spirits every Friday and Saturday night. It had even crept up to half a bottle on a Sunday too but I at least stopped that

I'd say my intake has increased over the last decade although I always got drunk on nights out.

I run my own business and I'm actually super fit as I train hard. I've got kids who are doing well and a stable marriage. So I guess I'm high functioning

But I realise more and more that I'd feel lost and sad without weekend drink. That staying sober on occasions is rare.

I don't think my kids notice as I'm not falling around drunk (probably high tolerance now) but I do struggle to focus and remember what I've watched and with peri menopause my body just doesn't process it and I feel a bit shit over the weekend.

I do know that I find it almost impossible to stick to one drink and always have done

My mum was an alcoholic along with other mental health problems so it's probably in my genes.

I'm writing this but come Friday the thought of not drinking will make the weekend seem boring and bleak.

I don't want nasty comments please. I just needed to share and wondered if anyone has advice?

I also come from a family of heavy drinkers and I have been one myself since my early 20s. Im in my 50s now and until recently, was drinking a bottle of wine a day, every single day. I have tried all manner of ways to cut down/stop but I was always aware that there was a big part of me that really didn't want to. I had a 'fuck it' voice that would kick in and throw caution to the wind and not care about the consequences, so I carried on. One tale of caution - counselling isn't necessarily right for everyone. I was referred by my GP and ended up having 3 years of therapy. I was drinking more by the end of it. Going over past trauma can in itself be traumatic. I used to fall out of my session and into the off licence.
However, I have been off for 2 weeks now, not telling myself I've given up, just that I'm wanting to feel better and lose weight (I suddenly can't stand that bloated feeling any more.) I've been aware that my health is suffering a while, and partly because of this I think the fuck it voice has finally been told to STFU itself! I find myself feeing l like I want to have a different life to my small, alcohol dependent one.
Hopefully now is your moment too! Go for it! Happy to chat if anyone wants to share experiences/support eachother x

I concur about AA but it does have that stigma attached to it by some. I’ve met some great friends and learned so much more about life through it. And it is nothing like it is portrayed on the telly.

You do not have to speak at all during the meeting or say I am an alcoholic.

This is how a typical meeting would work. If it’s your first time and you arrive before it begins someone will welcome you to the group and give you some literature to take away. They will let you know to not be afraid and relax get a cuppa and biscuit and take a seat.

if you are not a great social person just show up a couple of mins before it starts as they tend to be prompt on times.

When the meeting begins the chair of the group will introduce a guest of his choice to share their story. Various texts are read first and then the guest will tell a story of what live was like before, during and after alcoholism.

a pot will be passed round for donations but on your first visit you won’t be asked to make one and they are voluntary even if you only have 10p

everyone’s story is obviously very different and it can be very interesting and I day I say it sometimes now they can look back be quite funny. Once this has finished about half way through a typical meeting a break will be held for drinks, toilet or smoke etc.

In the second half of the meeting the chair will invite anyone to share back with the guest. You don’t have to say a word you can just listen. The meetings start and finish promptly but you can arrive earlier or stay afterwards to help wash the dishes etc.

you may find it strange that at the end everyone holds hands and says the following but you don’t have to speak.

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change, courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.

quite powerful when you think of life in general, you can’t change the past but you can do something about the future.

if you ring AA first they can arrange for a chaperone to help greet you and speak to you on the phone first before you attend your first meeting.

AA does use the word god a lot and this can also put people off but if your not religious then people think of it as a “group of drunks”

I hope this info may help some of you to know what to expect if you do choose the AA route. Good luck to anyone who thinks they may have a problem

Yeah that’s the “it” voice I was talking about.

I read recently that self destructive behaviour is a sign of adhd as I was always trying to find the self destruct button.

Affairs and promiscuous behaviour, gambling, hatred and not looking after my own health but would do everything for other people.

Well done on your cold turkey and as they say in AA you live each day one by one and choose not to have a drink today.

@Andypandy799 That's interesting, ADHD has been coming up a lot for me recently for some reason! Self destruct is definitely a thing with me! Food for thought.

And like my doctor told me you can have a bad day and don’t beat yourself up or feel guilty, we never know what bag of shit life is going to throw at any of us next, from one day to the next.

The opposite of addiction is not sobriety.

It's connection.

Try to figure out your motive in disconnecting yourself, and what you're trying to disconnect from.

Try to figure out your motive in disconnecting yourself, and what you're trying to disconnect from.

How do you do that?

dh no 1 was an alcoholic

after he died I did counselling and was told that there are different kinds of alcoholics

the ones

who drink non stop and everyone knows they are

secret drinkers

who drink only at weekends and binge getting trashed

who drink every day lots

who drink every day but function (that was dh) still held down own business etc

who drink every day but only have one glass of wine

and a few more , can’t think off top of my head

sadly alcoholics can’t just stop at one and will need to stop drinking totally

if this brings you to fear means you have a problem with alcohol

BUT THERE IS HELP

if you think you are drinking too much @Liuckle go and see your doctor

And join AA they will welcome you and help you

This thread has been amazing thank you.

I'm definitely peri menopausal and interestingly I've come to realise recently that I've probably had undiagnosed ADHD

Which will explain my difficulties in my teens and why I turned to booze.

But the problem is that it was all masked as normal young behaviour i.e getting pissed every weekend. No one ever said I had a problem even though I was drinking to blackout, getting lost in the middle of cities alone, collapsing in phone boxes. It was just laughed at.

Makes me sad. I was so young.

I've raised kids and I'm proud to say they are great and doing well at school but that just shows how high functioning you can be.

My consumption has definitely crept up though. I'd be hammered off what I drink now when I was young and wouldn't do two nights like that in a row. Now I'll plow through 1.5 bottles of wine and spirits and still get up the next day and do mum duties then I'll go again on the next evening.

But deep down I know I feel like shit

I'm definitely a secret weekend binge drinker

Al Anon is for family or friends of the drinker /alcoholic

she needs AA

You don't become an alcoholic through your genes!!!

It does seem to run in families though.
I don’t think anyone knows exactly what causes alcoholism - or gambling or any compulsive disorders.

@Andante57
Talking to a therapist about pain and shame, disappointment, fear and anger in your life might be a start.

I had a similar relationship with alcohol and had decades of awful hangovers. I had my last awful hangover nearly 4 years ago and haven't really drank since. I've had the odd glass here or there and always feel so awful afterwards that I don't drink at all now. I cannot say how much I love not dri ķing. I never miss it. The thing that I love the most is the sense of physical purity and mental clarity. I'm the real me now, the one I was hiding from, and it turns out my authentic self is absolutely fine. I see it as a poison now. I'm not judgemental of others who drink (at all) but my life is a much better existence without alcohol. I call it a false friend. It treats you like rubbish, is the life and soul of the party and great to be with at the time but it does things to ruin your relationships, humiliate you, affect your job and ultimately your health. It promises everything and just delivers sickness. If it was a new boyfriend the red flags would be out in full force. Its not your friend.

This weekend will be the first weekend in years and years I will attempt not to drink

I'll let you know how it goes

Thank you for whoever recommended The Sober Cafe on Facebook, such a lovely helpful group.

Last night I didn’t drink any alcohol. I’m planning for that to be the first of many. My husband is away on a stag do and is due home next weekend. I know he will still drink at home. He won’t be supportive, so I need to work out how to deal with that.

Congrats just take it one day at time

Lots of food for thought here. Sadly I am the same with food-can't let an evening go past without munching on crisps & always blamed the wine for that. Will read up more on dopamine.

OP, good luck for your first weekend. Firsts are the worst. Things that I've found helpful are - Know your witching hour & try to substitute other things, pop, tea, hot chocolate & I'd also say get to bed early as that helps. If you manage to get up early because of earlier to bed, do a wee job that you've been putting off-clean the washing machine filter, tidy the bookcase etc. I get a lift from achieving these things.

Keep us updated, you got this

You can do it OP, I'm here doing it with you too. One night down, one to go until 1st weekend done

@Liuckle I drank a bottle of wine every day for years. Some days I'd drink 2, and I'd often have a gin and tonic too. I didn't get drunk but my memory was dreadful, I didn't feel bad- just not on form, and I thought I was doing ok. Then I was told I had a very fatty liver...
Having health anxiety I panicked and decided to give up for 6 months until my liver was 'mended'. I was so scared it wasn't too hard. But I struggle with the association of drinking and relaxing and feel like I'm missing out on both. So now I drink alcohol free red wine/Prosecco/gin and tonic. I 'pretend' I'm drinking so I can relax. I indulge with mocktails to make me feel treated. And I've happily done 2 years and 4 months alcohol free. I simply don't trust myself to do moderation but don't want to feel like I've given up or am missing out.
Don't know if that's a helpful suggestion for you but it's worked for me and I don't feel deprived at all. I do wish you the very best of luck as it isn't easy and I needed a scare to get me going ❤️

Well done OP - this is the first step to reducing your intake, you can do it!

This is all great advice. I Was coming on to recommend quit lit, for me the best was Quit Like a woman. I am over a year alcohol free and I love it.

Follow Andy Ramage on Instagram too.

How are you doing tonight? I remember coming to the realisation that I must stop.

I was drinking at least half a bottle of wine a night; would have been more but my husband would have said something. I knew I needed to stop but just couldn't face it. Then, all of a sudden I was sick of it all and I decided (before midnight on NYE) that I'd do dry Jan and see how I got on. I didn't even finish the glass of wine I had, I just poured it away.

The dry Jan was really hard. To start off with it felt like having distract myself minute by minute to get to bedtime without a drink. Sometimes I went to bed really early just to get to the next day. I started to feel all the benefits of being sober. I was sleeping so much better, felt a lot less anxious, no worry of what my husband thought or whether the kids were noticing. People started commenting on how good my skin looked. By the end of Jan, I didn't want to risk going beck so I just kept going.

This was nearly 6 years ago now. It may even be 7 years, I've lost count! I would love to have the occasional glass of wine, cold beer, a whisky etc. but I just don't want to risk it and I don't want to spoil my 'streak'!

See if you can break it down into manageable chunks and go from there. The thought of saying 'never again' terrified me and still does bother me and so I don't really think like that. It started as not this minute, this hour, this day, this week, this month and then I just kept going.

Morning

Last night was my first alcohol free Friday for as long as I can remember.

A big trigger is coming in from work and opening that first bottle so I avoided the kitchen and had a bath. I sipped an alcohol free beer (quite like these) over dinner then I hung out with my youngest in her room to avoid temptation after dinner.

By 9pm I wasn't craving as much so I watched TV with DH and he made me a big mug of hot chocolate.

It was so lovely to watch tele and actually take it in. My mind actually switched off.

Went to bed earlier and slept! How novel to be lying here with a fresh head!

I am reading QuitLit and this really helps. I can't tell you what a relief it has been to admit I have a problem with alcohol.

I am starting to believe I can do this. Saturday night let's be having you sober.