I think I'm finally admitting that I have a drink problem

[Liuckle]

I'm in my 40s and I've drank since I was a teenager

I don't drink during the week but I get through 2-3 bottles of wine plus a few spirits every Friday and Saturday night. It had even crept up to half a bottle on a Sunday too but I at least stopped that

I'd say my intake has increased over the last decade although I always got drunk on nights out.

I run my own business and I'm actually super fit as I train hard. I've got kids who are doing well and a stable marriage. So I guess I'm high functioning

But I realise more and more that I'd feel lost and sad without weekend drink. That staying sober on occasions is rare.

I don't think my kids notice as I'm not falling around drunk (probably high tolerance now) but I do struggle to focus and remember what I've watched and with peri menopause my body just doesn't process it and I feel a bit shit over the weekend.

I do know that I find it almost impossible to stick to one drink and always have done

My mum was an alcoholic along with other mental health problems so it's probably in my genes.

I'm writing this but come Friday the thought of not drinking will make the weekend seem boring and bleak.

I don't want nasty comments please. I just needed to share and wondered if anyone has advice?

I love your post .,
thank you

It's great you have managed to stay fit so could you focus on that now by training for a marathon or some demanding activity that the drink would not be compatible with. Give you a good excuse if others are inviting you to drink too. Change your pattern perhaps at weekends.

Also as your dm was an alcoholic some counselling each week would help to deal with, perhaps, memories from your childhood. Having counselling might make you accountable to the counsellor and give you something to aim for..week by week. Its always best to just manage small amounts of time..day by day..week by week.
Finally it would be great to break the cycle in your family line so your dc don't turn to alcohol. You have taken the first step so that's brilliant . All the very best as you will feel so good as you go forward with this.

Should she not contact AA? I thought Al Anon was for family and friends of alcoholics. (Though I know a lot of people go to both)
op you will get a warm welcome at and AA meeting from people who have been through exactly the same as you.

Sorry I don’t have any advice but I just wanted to say I think this post is a really brave first step. You’ve recognised you have a problem, you are motivated to change, and you have got some good advice here about practical tips for doing so. I believe in you, OP! You CAN do this!

I am reading the Joy of being sober and yes I swing from gosh I'm not that bad to really recognising some of it.

No one around me has ever said I have a problem. I think my DH enables me a bit because he likes wine but I do think deep down he knows I drink too much at weekends. He would support me.

It's odd because I have no desire to drink during the week. However if I'm on holiday I will drink every night and too much. It's like the trigger is any 'day off'

I realise that on drinking days I feel a bit lost until wine o'clock if that makes sense. I really look forward to it and I think for years I genuinely got happiness from it but now I'm not even tasting the wine. I just chuck it back until I'm drunk and often forget stuff.

As a youngster I was the life and soul but collapsing and getting into shitty situations. It was all normalised because of the culture and the group but it just makes me sad when I think of my kids doing that

Your post really resonates with me. I'm fit and healthy in every aspect of my life apart from my wine habits.
I don't tend to drink in the week as my job is full on. I binge at weekends and am currently on holiday and have had a drink every afternoon/ evening. I said to my DH I dint really know how to properly unwind without a drink.
Watching and taking tips with interest

Well done for recognising it OP. Some have suggested counselling and that would be my advice too - do you perhaps have any alcohol charities in your area? These will often provide free support. Many people think if they’re not dependent this type of support isn’t for them, but usually it’s for anybody for whom alcohol is causing a negative impact. Also if private therapy is accessible then this could be an option.

It’s good to try and get to the bottom of the function of alcohol in your life - what do you feel like it gives you? Often it’s about avoidance - of memories, sensations, difficult emotions etc. You say you look forward to it. Can you try and create a new ritual for yourself in the evenings, full of different types of self care that you enjoy?

It’s also ok to gradually reduce. When we get to this stage a lot of people want to make that change quickly but sometimes quitting altogether too quickly isn’t sustainable. So don’t beat yourself up if you need to take small steps and just cut out a little bit at a time. In the meantime a harm reduction strategy could be switching to a lower strength wine - this would still make a difference unit wise / overall health wise. Good luck :-)

My brother is currently seeking treatment for alcohol addiction. He ended up drinking daily and stopped being able to function properly.
He went to see his GP who directed him to a local alcohol recovery centre.

If you Google recovery centre in your area, you can make an appointment for a chat. Good luck.

I don't think reducing is an option anymore.
I just cannot stop at one drink or two.

I think my brain chemistry has altered and just one glass compels the cascade into drunkenness

I don't think reducing is an option anymore.
I just cannot stop at one drink or two.

Op, I am sorry to hear you are going through this. Try an AA meeting - you will find details of meetings on their website.

Placemarking

Following with interest, I'm in exactly the same camp. I don't drink during the week, but when I'm socializing with friends I'll usually have at least a bottle on a Friday and Saturday night. It makes me feel awful that night - pounding heart is the latest scary side effect, and the fog of feeling grim carries on the next day.

One year no beer is an interesting podcast if you can find it. He was talking about 'middle lane drinkers' which this binging at the weekend thing definitely is.

I also hear you on the can't stop at 1 or 2. If I've gone to a friend's for dinner, I will keep drinking all night.

This is for friends and family of alcoholics. AA is not for everyone and is quite daunting. I speak as a recovering alcoholic.

most people prefer SMART recovery. Your local council will have a drug and alcohol service and you can get one on one counselling or join in group sessions.

I understand a lot of people are fearful of group therapy but I loved it as you can relate to other peoples stories and what worked for them.

ask your doctor to refer you to you local support service, but you may have to wait due to the high demand after covid.

Best of luck everyone and anyone can inbox me if they want more info or advice.

Great advice and well done on your sobriety

totally get where your coming from, I am the same in that I will drink 1.5-2 bottles of wine on a Friday, Saturday & Sunday regularly don't remember the night before. Friday night is the hardest & I have found myself getting really grumpy if for whatever reason I can't have a glass of wine yet & justifying why I should be having one.

I know I need to sort it out but I just don't know how & i'm not entirely sure I want to

Yeah when you attend groups you always think well I’m not that bad.

I kept coming and going and everytime I went back I had slipped further down. I remember saying to a lady at one group “I am lucky I have my family, home etc” and she said your lucky you haven’t lost them yet! And she was right two years later they couldn’t cope anymore and exdw left with the dc one week before Xmas one year.

another way to think of it is imagine being on a train and the last stop is going over the cliff, when people get off is different for everyone some wait until the very last second and some choose to stay on and refuse to get off.

alcohol is also a depressant so will eventually destroy your mental health.

My current counsellor told me how the brain chases dopamine and refers to this little part as “it”

this makes great sense when you sit and think about it. Even if your problem is eating or over spending. Nobody forces the food down your throat or clicks the mouse to buy what you know you shouldn’t etc.

”it” doesn’t care if you have no money, no family or live on the streets all it wants is the next fix

only you can say no to “it”

Oh and it will always make an excuse or cause an argument. I remember one lady who went to weight watchers and had a pizza and bottle of wine in the boot. If she lost weight she was going to celebrate and if she hadn’t well who cares! Crazy how our minds work

It's the denial.

Can't have a problem if you're not day drinking and your life is together. And I think we grew up in a culture that normalised the getting wasted every weekend.

My body can't hack it anymore. I've felt grim until today. I read binge drinking will cause a 2-3 day hangover. I get nauseous spells at the weekend and feel restless until I can drink again.

Yet during the week I don't crave it at all. It's just a habit/compulsion my brain has created for weekend living. I'm trying to figure out why.

I think it started in my teens when I'd drink at weekends to cope.

I plan my drinking and yes get grumpy if I can't. Actually feel lost and sad without it

I have a lot of weekends left to live.

I don't want to spend them hungover

I am addicted and I can see that now. Just always told myself I wasn't because I didn't drink every day

I don’t think I’m addicted, I’m definitely not what I’d think an alcoholic is.
does drinking too much always equal addicted/alcoholic?

Not drinking doesn’t bother me during the day, and I have gone 3 years sober before.

Well everyone is different and if you go to a group you listen for the similarities and NOT the differences. Someone who only drinks once a year can be an alcoholic if that person can not control their behaviour. Think of someone at a wedding who has had way too much and may get aggressive. Some people can’t just have one or two and don’t like to stop once they start.

if you don’t mind telling me who your local council is I can signpost you to choices of support in your area. 🤗 💐

I'm around five years sober. I used to say that I lost my off switch at some point in my 40's and I found that the mental issues caused by drinking when perimenopausal made my drinking worse. I only drank at the weekend for a long time but then I started to pad the weekend out to a Friday and a Monday. I was a term time employee so when the holidays hit in the last couple of years I went a bit off the rails. It wasn't a big change, just a subtle incremental creep until there I was, having problems and costing me more than just the cash price of the bottle.

Life without alcohol is perfectly fine, but there's a bit of an adjustment to get there, because it is so culturally ingrained for us. Happy? Sad? Celebrating? Commiserating? End of the week? Out with friends? Sunday lunch with the family? Quiet night in? Date night? Movie night ..... the list is endless and we are deeply programmed. So being aware of this and having some peer support in whatever form works for you is a good idea.

I rate AA, it gets sorely misunderstood, but there you are. I come from a family of alcoholics so I went to the sister group Al-anon first which probably made the transition less difficult.

Good luck, however you chose to tackle it.