What do you think of my creative writing ideas?

[NooNooHead1981]

I used to be an editor/journalist and had a good career before I had DC. Then I had a head injury and post concussion syndrome before being injured by psychotropic meds and getting a horrible neurological involuntary movement disorder called tardive dyskinesia. I've never really recovered from all of it and lost a lot of confidence over the past 7 years.

In spite of the bad things, and the fact that my brain hadn't worked as well as it used to, I've tried to write some creative writing to get things going again.

I'm not sure any of it is much good, but if anyone has any comments or contributions, please don't hesitate to say.

How about this for an opening paragraph to something:😆🤣

"Today will not be the day that I die.

Today, my breath remains within. One day, my life will ebb away softly; gently slipping out of my body to a better, higher, ethereal plane.

For now, it is still. My soul is tethered to my weary body. I am trapped within the confines of these tendons, flesh and bones."

Next one:

"'A snap decision made me want to take a long walk outside in the cool, autumn air.

I wandered along for a few moments, transfixed by the piercing blue of the sky, its beauty and vastness humbling. It was then that I realised how much I had missed the calming influence of nature, its melodic and soothing therapeutic waves washing over me like a much needed tonic. The breeze enveloped my limbs, cooling them instantly."

Another one:

""Xavi was at home when I returned. His face, transfixed by the gaudy colours and bright lights of the television,
was the picture of calm childish innocence. My heart swelled . The beauty of youth was, as they say, lost on the young."

Final piece:

""Delving into the past was always a dangerous exercise.
The risk of any suppressed memories threatened to burst out of the corners of my mind, sharp, vicious, toxic. I knew that any therapy would potentially help unleash these torments, and I was reluctant to explore what might be lurking under the surface.

The legacy of any past regrets would be something that I would have to live with for many years. It was non-negotiable. If anything, there would be many benefits to be gained from the analysis of painful memories.

I am surrendering to my past. This is the beginning of the future."

Sorry you’ve had what sounds like a thoroughly challenging time.

Writing wise, I think you need to cut a lot of adjectives and try paring the description right back so it has more immediacy and you’re giving your readers space to build their own image of the situation - so try to give just enough information rather than a surfeit.

Thank you for your kind words and constructive feedback. I'll try that and see how it goes 😎

Love them real potential

Did you know there’s a Creative Writing board on MN, OP? Post there and you’ll get lots of constructive criticism.

I’d say just keep writing - but decide what you’re writing! What are the stories these openings might go on to tell? Play around with developing them.

Thank you all, ooh, I will post on there! I'm a bit bad at taking constructive criticism but know it's good for development of a voice. I'll look into the Creative Writing board, it sounds excellent.

In most of these, you're telling not showing.

How do you mean?

Some of them would make me want to read on, but there wasn’t enough to really grab me - but that’s not a criticism, just that they’re very short! To make me instantly interested in a very short opener they’d have to be more unexpected.

My personal opinion to improve, would be more original language. Piercing blue sky, waves washing over, unleashing torments, lurking under surfaces… all well worn phrases and I don’t feel your voice. But if you’re just getting back into it, that’s probably just a matter of building confidence 👍🏻

Come to think of it, the collocation for piercing and blue, is really piercing blue eyes, isn’t it? As it’s the eyes that are piercing (because of the blue) I’m not sure that piercing blue of a sky really describes something that makes sense to me.

I know that’s nit picking one phrase, but it’s linked to my point about well worn phrases. I think they’re always worth re-visiting and really thinking about what you want to capture, and how you can do that in your own words.

Lovely writing, don't ever stop.

To summarise, the past is the past, there may be suppressed memories, but the main thing is focus forwards to the future and stop looking back at the past, otherwise basically pickles.

You've had a hell of a time, OP, and pleased to hear that you're moving on.

Have you ever read Stephen King's 'On Writing'?

I'm not a massive fan (I think of him as an author who never met a superlative he didn't like), but it's a very interesting read on the craft of writing and importantly, how an audience reads.

Definitely keep writing! I wouldn't say it is very "cleanly" written though. My favourite passage is the child watching television but I think you need to cut the final cliche sentence and rework the passage about his face illuminated by the light of the TV as the sentence is a bit clunky with the two commas.

Personally I don't like long passages about a characters inteospective thoughts so the other two don't do it for me. I always prefer to read and write in third person for this reason.

These opening lines sound like a website's stock examples but once you've got past the first line your writing is lovely.

Thank you for all your advice. Great criticism and good things to think about. I definitely need to cultivate my language and own voice, and I know I can be very verbose

A feature writing course that I went on years ago was interesting when the tutor said about being more succinct. Less is always more.

I'll keep trying harder and who knows what will happen 😁

Just keep going, your own voice will emerge as you go!

I’m more into poetry than prose and have loved Mary Oliver’s ‘Rules for the Dance’ as a writing handbook, though if you’re not geeky about unpicking metrical verse it might be heavy going. Kate Clanchy’s ‘How to Grow Your Own Poem’ is way less technical with loads about building imagery and trimming excess words so I think might be great for prose too - I know she’s been a bit of a twat of late, but I still think it’s a really useful book.

Its worth looking at Arvon courses too - did a poetry one during the thick of the pandemic and it was fab.

You can obviously write well, although I agree your prose could be more succinct. Often when people start writing fiction they feel they should be very expressive and use ten words when one or two would do but you will develop better habits as you learn to self-edit your chapters.

Really, though, rather than practise writing – you're already a professional writer, you don't need to! – spend some time trying to think of a standout idea for an entire plot. To me (I'm a published author), none of these opening paras, while nicely done, feel like a must-read.

Thank you all. I will use your advice to make improvements 😁

My favourite book about writing is Monkeys With Typewriters by Scarlett Thomas. If you want to write fiction I’d really recommend it.

A snap decision, is very nice to read.

The final piece is compelling. What's it leading to though?

You can definitely write. Are you interested in poetry? I read Patrick Kavanagh's 'Iniskeen Road' this morning, and he has the hint of romantic darkness that you have, but buffered by a cynical wit like Beckett and Larkin. The darkness corals the romanticism.

I think working on a storyline, is important for structure. You are definitely artistic. It's where you want to go with it, that's the question. Write a few pieces to completion. Then reflect. That's the creative process! It's great you have found a way out of the trauma, good for you! That sounds patronising, it's not meant to.

@NooNooHead1981 for example in this passage:

"Xavi was at home when I returned. His face, transfixed by the gaudy colours and bright lights of the television, was the picture of calm childish innocence. My heart swelled . The beauty of youth was, as they say, lost on the young"

Rather than tell me his face was transfixed, show me. Was his face still? His eyes wide, reflecting the reds and blues flickering from the TV? What was the expression on his face?

It's about painting a picture with words so that the reader can see the scene rather than just having it described to them.

It means your reader can immerse themselves visually in the world you have created.

Great advice, thanks.

Sorry OP but it sounds quite contrived and a whole novel written in that style would be exhausting to read.

Fair enough. Not everyone has the same tastes 🤷