What do you think of my creative writing ideas?

[NooNooHead1981]

I used to be an editor/journalist and had a good career before I had DC. Then I had a head injury and post concussion syndrome before being injured by psychotropic meds and getting a horrible neurological involuntary movement disorder called tardive dyskinesia. I've never really recovered from all of it and lost a lot of confidence over the past 7 years.

In spite of the bad things, and the fact that my brain hadn't worked as well as it used to, I've tried to write some creative writing to get things going again.

I'm not sure any of it is much good, but if anyone has any comments or contributions, please don't hesitate to say.

How about this for an opening paragraph to something:😆🤣

"Today will not be the day that I die.

Today, my breath remains within. One day, my life will ebb away softly; gently slipping out of my body to a better, higher, ethereal plane.

For now, it is still. My soul is tethered to my weary body. I am trapped within the confines of these tendons, flesh and bones."

Next one:

"'A snap decision made me want to take a long walk outside in the cool, autumn air.

I wandered along for a few moments, transfixed by the piercing blue of the sky, its beauty and vastness humbling. It was then that I realised how much I had missed the calming influence of nature, its melodic and soothing therapeutic waves washing over me like a much needed tonic. The breeze enveloped my limbs, cooling them instantly."

Another one:

""Xavi was at home when I returned. His face, transfixed by the gaudy colours and bright lights of the television,
was the picture of calm childish innocence. My heart swelled . The beauty of youth was, as they say, lost on the young."

Final piece:

""Delving into the past was always a dangerous exercise.
The risk of any suppressed memories threatened to burst out of the corners of my mind, sharp, vicious, toxic. I knew that any therapy would potentially help unleash these torments, and I was reluctant to explore what might be lurking under the surface.

The legacy of any past regrets would be something that I would have to live with for many years. It was non-negotiable. If anything, there would be many benefits to be gained from the analysis of painful memories.

I am surrendering to my past. This is the beginning of the future."

to be blunt - it reads like an GCSE-level creating writing attempt.

Who do you read for fun? Cormac McCarthy and Hilary Mantel do a mix of straightforward and “purple prose” extremely well, and will teach you economy of words.

I really admire you. I don't like your writing though. Feels very try hard.
I think if you dial it back a few notches you'll be closer to where you want to be.

Harsh words, but I am happy to accept criticism. I actually really like authors like James Herbert and similar styles. I might need to widen my reading a bit.

I actually wrote a completely different first chapter in a less 'intense' style which I might ask for feedback in the Creative Writing board on here. I will see what feedback I get from that too.

It’s too intense for me, it would make me put the book down, sorry. I have a wicked imagination and vocabulary already so I totally agree with a PP who said to show, not tell- I want the framework to build my own images, it’s boring to me to have it already provided with more adjectives than really necessary lobbed in.

How are you at writing dialogue? This isn’t an easy thing to get right but really fleshes out a story and keeps it flowing.

Not everyone will agree though, horses for courses.

I can write dialogue ok, but I have to say that I try not to oviedo the dialogue as sometimes I think it can be used too much.

What I mean is that it reads like the author is showboating a little bit, and it would be hard to maintain that momentum throughout a story, both as the writer and the reader.

Personally, I think there’s a nice comforting sweet spot between simple story telling and attempting to overtly demonstrate your command of language. I would try to intersperse some less obvious metaphors in there, and sometimes allow the reader to identify the metaphor themselves, through your descriptions, rather than making it so explicit - E.g. piercing blue sky - you could describe the blue sky and it’s likeness to something else. I think metaphors need to be used very judiciously or it can read like a student who has just been introduced to metaphors as a creative writing device.

In the part about Xavi - “the beauty of youth is, as they say, wasted on the young” - do they say that? Is it a known saying? Or is it a conflation of “youth is wasted on the young” and something else? I know we all know that we didn’t recognise how beautiful we were when we were younger, but I think you could lead into something really lovely here about a mothers perception of her child’s beauty and innocence - but it stops very short.

In the third paragraph you posted, you talk a lot about how terrible it will be to unleash all these memories, etc and almost immediately into “this is the beginning of the future”. I think this whole piece would benefit from more gentle exploration of some of the issues, and the benefits of dealing with them, so we see the journey of moving from fear into acceptance and preparation to heal. It kind of reads like you were writing a very quick “expression of interest” for a free course of counselling, rather than a piece of creative writing. The use of “any therapy” and “many benefits” are quite dismissive, you don’t need to just allude to and sanitise the problems in creative writing, you can explore them.

@ZealAndArdour thank you for such great advice. Really useful feedback and I'll definitely use some of it 👍

I think you’re maybe trying a bit too hard to be ‘literary’. If you’re aiming to be published (and paid, I don’t mean self- or vanity publishing) then a simple, direct style is probably best.

I recently re-read a novel by Muriel Spark (The Prime of Miss Jean Brodie etc,) in which the central character was an editor, and the advice she gave to anyone writing a novel, was to do it as if you are writing a letter to a friend.

(FWIW I have been multi-published by a mainstream commercial publisher.)

@GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER simple is the best, I agree. I've probably tried to use my journalism style here, which is more of a long feature writing prose as opposed to shorter, snappy news.

I've not read as much recently as I'd like either as I just don't get the time, but I think I'll need to be more dedicated if I'm honest.

I think as others have mentioned it is a little too intense for me (but as you say that is a matter of taste). I think if you could get a trusted friend/partner on board to read over your stuff and help you with editing (I know you used to be an editor - but even editors need an editor) just to eliminate some of the extraneous and repetitive words. Its easy to get attached to a phrase you have written which may be pleasing to your ear but not necessary to advance your story. On the whole, less is more would be my advice.

Having said all that please please keep going , have a look at creative writing courses or join a creative writing group. I hugely admire your strength and courage in dealing with your brain injury. I'm sure sharing your work will help you get your confidence back, you certainly have plenty of ideas and connecting with other writers will help you hone your skills. Loads of luck to you

@AmyDudley that's really kind of you, thank you 😊 it's even harder for me as I lost my ability to see in my mind's eye after my head injury, so any imagination that I used to have in writing creatively has gone 😢 But of course it doesn't mean that I can't still write. 😁 I just need to be more confident of how I do it and find other ways of imagining the story 😎

I think it's intriguing and I'd like to read more; however I do agree it is a bit verbose. My favourite writing advice (from Neil Gaiman) is to write as though you are paying for each word, as opposed to being paid by the word.

With a wee bit of tweaking some of these would be fantastic poems.

One complete story is better than a dozen openings. Write a whole story, then edit it - I could never have written my book series by writing a few different opening paragraphs, then guessing which to pursue!

Whereas fiddling around to perfect the beginning is much easier.

OP I like you and I like the fact you've stuck around and have been gracious with criticism. You have also been through a lot and I admire that.

I used to work in publishing and I can say the following:

• Read, read, read. Go through prizewinners (Women's Prize, Booker, Pulitzer) - a lot of variety there and whilst some of them are near-unreadable, the majority are excellent. Off the top of my head I would always recommend Song of Achilles, Home Fire and Piranesi.
• Have plots you can describe in one sentence. "X does this, but Y happens, so X must Z" etc. You will improve your focus tenfold
• Write small not big. E.g. don't write about World War 2, write about a greengrocer in Somerset struggling during one small period of the war. A really good example of this is The Pull of the Stars by Emma Donoghue (one maternity ward in I think one week).
• Everything has already been said so find new ways to say it
• Follow authors on twitter, goodreads etc. Some of them give great advice for free
• Arvon classes are great fun and worth the money. Very few others are IME.
• If you are getting an agent, have a full manuscript before approaching anyone. You will improve your chances immeasurably.

It sounds like your own life story might be worth writing/ reading!

The memoir market is buoyant at the moment...

@caroleanboneparte I've thought about that but it's difficult to see if any publishers would be interested 🤔 I could self-publish if it came to it 😆

@AmyDudley I will keep trying, definitely. I don't give up easily and always want to improve myself. Let's hope it comes to something good 👍

@RaRaRaspoutine love the username! Thank you, I have been through a lot and it does make me feel quite sad at times, but also pretty determined to get better and find something more from adversity. Thank you for such great advice, I appreciate your support and kind words. Hopefully if I get more time when all my DC are at nursery and school, I can use it constructively to work on my writing.
I'm determined to get something published in book form one day! But if it takes 5 years, so be it. Time will tell! I get my inspiration from JK Rowling, whose tenacity clearly paid off 😎