Any answer to this pet dilemma?

[lugeforlife]

Dd1 is almost 13 and desperate for a pet. Dd2 would also like one but not as strongly. I feel the same as dd2.

Dh is totally anti. Any suggestions get shot down with practical reasons why not.

Dog (which is what dd really wants) - he'd end up doing the looking after plus they shed. This is fair tbh.

Cat - my dm is allergic

Rabbit/Guinea pig - they'd get bored.

Hamster/dwarf hamster/rat would have to live on her room and would smell and keep her awake.

Tropical fish - tank would be too heavy to go in her room if we got the right sized one

Literally every option is dismissed. I feel so sorry for her. He does have a point with all of this and ironically he grew up with all kinds of animals but he's not trying to help her find a solution. He's a rigid thinker and I feel somewhat caught in the middle here.

Can anyone think of a middle ground? She was googling sea monkeys yesterday bless her.,.,,

My DD got a crested gecko when she was 14. She researched it and did a PowerPoint to show us. I spoke to a few experts as well
He is cute and can be handled (but not cuddled of course). The set up was around £300 and he was £160 but he doesn’t cost much ongoing. We don’t live feed and he needs a feed every 3 days and water spritz daily. We have 2 cats and a dog too and he’s the least trouble of all of them

Cats are very low effort. How allergic is your DM and how much time does she spend at your house?

If a child wants a pet, then go for something really low maintenance. Ultimately, the adults of the family will be the ones paying for it all, paying for vets bills and looking after it when the kids get fed up.
That is not fair on the animal.

DD will have to be 100% set on a particular pet to begin with. A generic "I want a pet" is not a great start.

If DH doesn't want a pet and you aren't fussed then the answer is don't get a pet! DD can have her own pet when she has her own home.
Meanwhile, do you have any friends, family, neighbours, who she could dog walk for? I often have some local teens walk my dog if I'm out for a while, or come to "babysit" him if I'm out by or the evening. Mine has separation anxiety so I happily pay a dog/babysitter rather than have him get upset by himself.

Cats are the most low-maintenance pet there is. They live a long time so they’re a commitment but they are very happy in their own company (unlike dogs), if you have a cat flap they take themselves in and out and generally don’t even use a litter tray. Kittens are a PITA but once they grow out of that phase they’re a very easy pet. How allergic is DM??

Get an axolotl or a small fish tank.

I agree with the hamster though. I got one for my dd and the fucker is noisy as fuck at night.

Rabbits are good but don’t like to be picked up.

Could you and your DD register on Borrow My Doggy? That way you can do the walks and fun bits from time to time, but without having to look after one in your home for 24 hours a day/365 days a year.

@Adultchildofelderlyparents you are right I know but it does suck for dd. My parents were similar and I did a whole speech/presentation to them about why I wanted a hamster when I was 11.

@XenoBitch tbf she had tried. She has spent hours creating arguments for a pet which dh then says no to so she looks for a compromise. She's kept birthday money to one side etc.

DM is around our house quite a lot, at least a day a week (she's widowed). DH grew up with cats so he knows how to look after them.

I like the idea of a bearded dragon!

My exH was the same. No pets. Although I had a cat when I met him and he loved that cat. I bought a kitten when our dc were young. He was totally anti the idea and said if got a cat, I must pay for the cat. When I got the cat, I asked him to name her. He grew to love her and she used to spend a lot of time with him in his office. So I don’t know what to advise because well, I just did it. It doesn’t feel like home to me without a cat. I have 2 now. We’ve had rabbits, hamsters and fish. Cats are the easiest. Appreciate your MIL is allergic (I used to be); have you discussed this with her? She may well say that she wants her granddaughters to have a pet if they would like one.

Oops sorry just noticed it’s your DM that’s allergic.

I have to say our hamster actually doesn't smell and she lives in our boys room. I always said no because I thought they would keep everyone awake and stink but actually neither is the case.

You could get an indoor Guinea pig, the novelty wouldn't wear off like an outside animal.

@Climbingthelaundrymountain guinea pigs rather than guinea pig though🙂

Regardless of what you may get, I think with the cost of living crisis, unless you are absolutely certain you can afford the ( sometimes quite considerable) cost, it has to be a no.

A snake?
A fish tank should go in any room, smaller tank = fewer fish. The pumps can be noisy though.

I think he's presented some very good reasons tbh. I like the sound of him especially raising a point about the right sized fishtank (hardly anyone ever thinks about whether their tank is big enough, and invariably the answer is no) and the children getting bored of the animals - he's thinking of the animal/s first.

Why not foster an older dog? If it doesn't work out, when the dog gets adopted just don't get another one. If it does work out, you can then look at whether a dog will work for you all?

Or rescue an older rodent or Guinea pig pair so if she does lose interest then you won't have as long to look after them. Plus, you'll be giving an older animal a loving home for the rest of its life.

How much space do you have outside? How about chickens? We have recently got some and they are really the funniest things. They follow you around, sit on your knee and give you lovely eggs!

I think it's good for dc to have pets, as teens it also teaches responsibility. Something low maintenance and small like Guinea pigs or rabbits (both always in a pair), a hypoallergenic breed cat maybe. Could you adopt a greyhound? They're pretty low maintenance and don't need a lot long of walks. You'd just have to make a point of making sure your DD does follow through and care for the pet.

My dh says he has a constant fear he'll come home and I've brought a kitten/dog/rabbit/alpaca/butt load of chickens home. As much as he claims no more pets I think he'd instantly love anything I did get just like he did the 2 cats we have.

What about a spider? A jumping spider I mean.

Easy to maintain, cheap, fun and they are adorable not biased at all

I don't think DD's wish for a pet should trump DH's. Pets are a serious commitment. Everyone who is expected to share a house with it needs to be on board. IMO you need to dissuade your daughter from pushing this right now. Ask again in a year or so. If you and she keep on at him, he will likely never come around to the idea.

Gerbils are cool. They tend to be awake during the day and like to play, so good fun to watch (whereas hamsters are nocturnal). Also easier to keep clean as desert rats, so don't wee as much and poo is dry.

What about a Sphynx cat? Not my cup of tea but would solve your dms allergy problem 😀

My dream cat!! Dh won’t let me have one though cos they look like a man’s ball sack

Just reading through glad someone suggested a bearded dragon. They are great pets and fairly easily to look after to. I was going to recommend that to you also.

We have a Bearded Dragon, he is a very gentle soul, l have grown very attached to him over the years, he plods around the house and is outside in the garden when warm enough, he loves sitting on a sunny windowsill, however he does eat live bugs, not sure how your daughter would be with that aspect of it.