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Original poster

What does child maintenance include?

83 replies

onlyconnect · 18/09/2022 18:00

My husband and I are separating amicably. We want to agree the maintenance figure between us. Ex has asked for a list of what the costs of bringing up the children actually are. Things like food, clubs, clothes are easy but what else?
Should there be a contribution towards housing. For example? I am buying in area that is quite expensive to be near our daughter's school, is that part of the cost?
I have looked what it says on the government website but ex is keen to see the actual costs. What I have on my list per month so far comes to what the government recommends as a weekly amount so I think I must be missing something.

OP posts:
Isaidnoalready · 18/09/2022 18:55

onlyconnect · 18/09/2022 18:28

I can see the recommend amounts online. It's not that he's after. It's a list of what he's paying for.
Thank you for the answers , that does help.
He's a high earner but the actual costs are much lower than what it's suggested that I could ask for.

He is paying small contribution to his child's costs home heat food clothing if he were living he would be paying more than 12%

cptartapp · 18/09/2022 18:56

What about the actual cost of the 'care', ie, what he'd have to pay a nursery or childminder for their hours in physically looking after his child.
You cover half the week for free as one parent, shouldn't he fund the rest if he's not going to do it himself? Expensive.

Harridan1981 · 18/09/2022 18:58

How can he not know what it would go towards? It sounds like he is veering towards suggesting it is too much. Stick to CSA amount.

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Original poster
onlyconnect · 18/09/2022 19:00

Interesting responses. Thank you.
My feeling is definitely that he is being awkward.

OP posts:
Blackopal · 18/09/2022 19:02

Please do not send him a list.
An amicable split is not one which starts out with one person dictating to the other.

If you agree to this you will almost certainly under estimate, plus you will have formed a pattern of justifying yourself.

You do not have to explain what money goes on, he does have to give a certain percentage of income to costs of his children.

Musicalmistress · 18/09/2022 19:15

Blackopal · 18/09/2022 19:02

Please do not send him a list.
An amicable split is not one which starts out with one person dictating to the other.

If you agree to this you will almost certainly under estimate, plus you will have formed a pattern of justifying yourself.

You do not have to explain what money goes on, he does have to give a certain percentage of income to costs of his children.

This!

washingbasketqueen · 18/09/2022 19:19

Not been through separation myself but from what I've learnt, I'd check out what CMS recommends in terms of his salary, how many nights dc will spend at each parent and then have a spreadsheet outlining the extras that your dc have become used to (hobbies/ clubs/ trips out/ birthday parties for them and friends presents) and negotiate. That's what I'd do.

NoMoreChubRub · 18/09/2022 19:22

Do it through cms.!

Hes not amicable if your figure is lower than cms figures

Then if he was amicable he'd pay half trips etc.

Do not short yourself of money for the dcs

Violashift · 18/09/2022 19:23

It's also to maintain the standards of living so it is crazy to just want a list of actual costs. Pure greed.

If he was a rich footballer and you were a SAHM to go from that to nothing the child would lose some standard of living. So therefore the maintenance would be more than actual costs the RP pays.

Phineyj · 18/09/2022 19:24

It's interesting that he doesn't already know how much this costs. How can he not, at least in outline?

What do you think he will do with the information?

ChiefWiggumsBoy · 18/09/2022 19:25

“You should know what it takes to raise a child. Don’t tell me you want to scrimp on your child because we’re no longer together?”

That is all the conversation I would entertain.

AndSoFinally · 18/09/2022 19:26

If your figures are lower then just take the child maintenance figures. CMS will be way more than actual costs if ExDH is a high earner.

If I split up with my partner and he was RP then I'd have to pay him about 1k a month assuming I had them EOW.

There's no way DC costs £2k a month to raise!

The payment isn't just to reflect actual costs, it's to represent the lifestyle they could have expected if you'd stayed together. It's crap if daddy lives in a mansion and mummy lives in a damp bedsit.

worriedatthistime · 18/09/2022 19:36

Its a percentage and thats what he needs to pay I mean i could buy my child a coat for £10 or £1000 so costs could vary hugely
He needs to pay at least the cms amount

bbcdefg · 18/09/2022 19:36

onlyconnect · 18/09/2022 18:28

I can see the recommend amounts online. It's not that he's after. It's a list of what he's paying for.
Thank you for the answers , that does help.
He's a high earner but the actual costs are much lower than what it's suggested that I could ask for.

Why does he need to know what he's paying for? He pays a % of his income and it's up to you how it's spent.

Stag82 · 18/09/2022 19:42

Just use a cms calculator together and tell
him that’s the amount, unless of course you are doing 50:50 and need to find a way to split costs. The whole maintenance should only cover 50% of costs is only applicable if both parents are doing 50:50 in care giving. If one works less hours to do child care / school pick up etc then their earning potential is impacted…

JustLyra · 18/09/2022 19:48

Do not give him a list.

His responsibility is to pay a percentage of his income. It’s not your responsibility to justify the government mandated percentage.

If he’s quibbling already then he’s not going to contribute to any extras at any point so do not short change your children by asking for less.

If he earns under 155k go to CMS. If he earns 156k+ do it through court order.

NoSquirrels · 18/09/2022 19:48

Ask him to make a list of what he thinks he should be paying for in maintenance, and how much he thinks that costs.

Should be interesting.

MrsMontyD · 18/09/2022 19:58

I wouldn't get into this at all, remember you've got many years of this ahead of you, he'll be quibbling every time something changes. The CMS calculator is the minimum, he can pay that or he can argue with CMS and then still pay that.

If I had my time again I would have gone through CMS for the calculation and then done direct pay. Even when it starts out relatively amicable it rarely stays that way.

Starlightstarbright1 · 18/09/2022 20:09

I also would not give a list.

Joe has stopped swimming lessons so i'll cut maintaince.

Paying towards childcare so thinks get to say where.

Why haven't you got new shoes i paid .....

Honestly.. Cms is easier..

daisyjgrey · 18/09/2022 20:09

It's a list of what he's paying for.

🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

mamas12 · 18/09/2022 20:11

Don’t give him a list
during mediation with my ex he asked the same thing and the mediator told him you can’t police what goes on in my house it’s my decision to spend the money how I see fit and his responsibility to pay his portion

PestorPeston · 18/09/2022 20:15

the actual costs are much lower than what it's suggested that I could ask for.
Those figures are not a suggestion, they are the minimum he should be paying.

Make a list by all means, but do not give it to him. The most amazing thing about divorce is that you are no longer controlled by or accountable to a pratt.

napody · 18/09/2022 20:16

daisyjgrey · 18/09/2022 20:09

It's a list of what he's paying for.

🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

I'm glad everyone else has explained how manipulative this is.

Agree with the pp who said the additional amount of care you're doing is relevant too. Allows him to work without worrying about wrap around care etc. What about if child is ill, who takes the day off? He just needs to pay the cms amount, his questions are inappropriate.

Googlecanthelpme · 18/09/2022 20:18

Ok so he earns well but the actual costs are much lower than the suggested amount (as he’s a high earned).

If he is a high earner than it stands to reason his child should expect somewhat to benefit from that, the same if you stayed together.

If “actual” costs come to 300£ a month but he can’t comfortably afford to give you £1000 based on his income then why shouldn’t he? That difference could be better clubs, hobbies, tutoring, holidays / experiences, better quality clothes, safer car, bigger house or better catchment area etc. These are all things which would give your child a much better start in life!

The point is we can easily make raising kids as cheap or expensive as we need to in order to fit our budget - I’m not talking about spoiling them, just a more stable, comfortable life!

Your ex HAS to pay the recommended amount as a minimum, if he’s willing to pay more so it’s equal once you’ve worked out the costs then even better!

SausageinaBun · 18/09/2022 20:28

There will be so many things that you don't think of. One off things like orthodontics or optional things like driving lessons. There will be so many of these things that making a list will be pointless. And inflation will make the list obsolete within 6 months.

If you're lucky, this approach will be so that he can play Lord Bountiful and swoop in to pay for things like driving lessons, very loudly. If you're unlucky, he intends for you + DC to live on value food in the dark, because that's all you 'need'.