Visitor Etiquette: Buying own food

[Naijagal]

What do you think of this situation where visitors to your home go and do their own grocery shopping (no allergies or special diet).
I guess it can be seen in a positive and negative light but I wonder if people have ever had to deal with this, please let me know your perspective.

Thanks

My DD and her bf did this. I found it rude tbh as I was going to give them a packed lunch for their train journey home anyway but they went and bought sandwiches from Tesco 🤷‍♀️

My parents in law often bring their own lunch. I am usually offended by it but dh tells me they are trying to not be a burden. I don’t understand it but I let it go and say nothing. I can buy exactly what they want and can easily afford it. It is very confusing for me.

I think traditionally it would have been seen as rude, but less so know with specific diets etc

or at least I hope so because I do take food to weekends with friends more these days, as otherwise I can end up eating a lot of bread and biscuits I don’t want to. I do stick yogurt and stuff in the fridge obviously, but am as discrete as possible, while heaping phrase on dinners provided.

That’s totally normal though, they aren’t buying food to eat in your house. You are being epically over sensitive

My mum's idea of a packed lunch to take with us is a sandwich made with spread, not real butter, with slightly odd fillings, alongside fruit my husband doesn't like.

And with an ice pack she insists we take, even though we're eating it half an hour after we get on the train, and have to carry a soggy, chilly pack around (I always loathed ice packs in my lunchbox, and now I won't eat anything from the fridge until it's reached room temp).

Top it off, when we're on holiday, we like to get EXACTLY what we want. It's part of the holiday, and unfortunately mum's sandwiches aren't exactly a nice treat.

It might sound bratty, but it's fairly miserable eating just my parents food when we're up with them, so we tend to purposely plan a few escapes where we can eat stuff we like.

I’m don’t see an issue - if they presented you with a list of what they expected you to buy then that would probably cause more offence so just accept as one of their quirks - I’m quite fussy about things so that’s why I tend not to stay with people but prefer hotels (among other reasons)

Why can’t you all just have an actual conversation?!

I think it 100% depends on the person, your relationship, and their intention.

Your brother-in-law who thinks he’s better than anyone else so brings his own bag of Waitrose shopping because the stuff you’ll provide him from Aldi isn’t good enough = knob.

Your mum who is determined not to increase your shipping bill = understandable.

I was actually just shocked when it happened, saw them shuffling big bags of groceries into their room, breakfast items and other things. They are husbands family staying a few days, so I first spoke to him about it because my emotions were all over the place and he gave me a perspective I’m happy to live with, although next time I’m thinking I’ll suggest we all go grocery shopping so they can get what they want and we all contribute to the lot.
I wanted to know what other peoples experience is, if this is just common, did I over react etc
your perspective of talking about is also a good one.

Whole bags of groceries is unusual if they don't have a special diet

Is it a cultural thing?
Are they staying a long time?

We would usually bring wine, chocs, flowers but not standard food

Yea, there’s a part I think they felt “we don’t want to burden you” but the funny thing is we have more means than they. If we went to their house we won’t be buying our own food, we buy food that everyone eats.
it’s hard to confront people about this but next time, I have an idea what to do.

This exactly. I’m not sure if it’s offense I felt because the first thing that struck me was are they trying to prove they have money to spend, because they’ve visited before and done no such thing.

I find it irritating if it doesn't fit in the fridge, or if they then leave stuff behind - I already have enough fruit, I don't need more!

If I go and stay with my sister we’ll take stuff for at least one meal. As a family we generally take an ‘everybody muck in’ approach, and also don’t tend to take things personally so don’t get prickly about ‘being rude’.

If I go to stay with friends I often take my own coffee, as I don’t assume they have fresh in, don’t expect them to buy it if they don’t drink it, and am certainly not going to start the day on instant.

Then They bring their latest health fad herbal tea when they stay with me.

Just shrug and let them get on with it.

Lol, once had an attack of fruit flies in the house because the kitchen was heaving with apples, everybody buying their own and then not eating or finishing it.
I dislike waste.

When we visit family, I take my favourite tea and the muesli mix I put together myself because I know our hosts won't have them. It's never been an issue.

hmmm depends.

when certain family/friends visit us we are happy if they bring food that a) they like to eat and b) we like to eat and we plan what we eat around that.

other family/friends take the contents of their fridge and then eat what we provide leaving us to dispose of food that's either gone off or that we don't eat.

How does that even work?!
When someone comes to stay with us we have a nice meal planned and buy all of the ingredients well in advance. We usually make things in advance too. Would a guest say "Oh we don't fancy your lasagne so is it cool if we just throw these pizzas in the oven instead?!"
I can't see a way around it without it being epically rude! Obviously if someone is feeding a small children separately, that's different.

We go and stay with family and I tend to do a food shop when we get there for lunch and snacky bits during the day plus a few treats for hosts and then host provides the dinners.

I'd love it if my guests just bought a pint of milk! (I don't drink milk!)

Snacks and treats to share great, any really unusual allergies (I might not know about) fine but to bring general groceries I find a bit annoying. It is like they think you can t cater for them or you are mean or my food isn't good enough. Be a gracious guest and a generous host.

As far as you know, I would think that is pretty precious to take your own muslea and tea, I would roll my eyes.

Whole bags of groceries is odd and pretty rude. In the absence of dietary needs they aren’t being very polite.

Your own mix of muesli is precious.

Equally a pack up lunch from home wouldn’t appeal!

Christ you can't win around here can you.
Bring food - rude
Don't bring food - rude