Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

How should I handle this situation? Twins and party invite.

63 replies

TeenyDancy · 15/09/2022 15:03

I have twin dds aged 6. They play with a girl at school, I'll call her Beth. At home time they play for a few minutes and before school they walk in together. They are good friends.

Beth has mentioned she is having a party and my dds can come. Dds have been very excited and they talk with Beth about it at playtime.

Beth sent out party invites to a few children but not my dds. Dds came out sad and Beth said she will ask her mum for their invites. Mum said sorry but they're not invited.

Beth and dds look upset.

Next day dds came home and said Beth's mum told Beth it's best if she didn't invite dds as they will probably only bring one present! It's a small party so not everyone can go. She will get more gifts if she invite other children.

I was gob smacked.

How can I explain this in a better way to my dds? They are still upset and now think Beth doesn't like them.

OP posts:
Purplepurse · 15/09/2022 16:07

I don't understand your logic Sleepingstandingup. Why is it more expensive for twin parents . Most of us have several children all endlessly going to parties from the age of 5 ( often on the same day at different venues!) Makes no real difference.
Twins should always be treated as the seperate people they obviously are. Give two presents and on their birthdays receive one each and a card each too.

purplemunkey · 15/09/2022 16:13

It may have been a clumsy way for Beth’s mum to explain why they weren’t invited, rather than what she actually thinks. It could be down to numbers. Or she does think like that and she’s a twat. Either way, she should have said something more tactful to her DD.

SpiderinaWingMirror · 15/09/2022 16:16

I would simply say to your DDs "its a shame that you can't go as Beth can only invite 6, or whatever. Beth's Mum is mistaken about the presents and I am sure she didn't mean it/say it."
Maybe it's something Beth thought up by herself!

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

6 year olds Families
Julia234 · 15/09/2022 16:17

That is an awful thing to do to children!

I have never once thought about twins only bringing one gift, that’s such a greedy thing to teach. She is almost telling her child, only be friends with people you can take things from.

horrid.

Jolie12345 · 15/09/2022 16:18

That’s what she told Beth. But maybe there is another reason and when Beth put up a fight her mum used this to convince her

itsgettingweird · 15/09/2022 16:19

This is why you NEVER tell kids they truth about what your adult mind is thinking. They will always repeat it!

Just tell your girls that not everyone can go to parties and promise them when they have a party you'll let them invite who they like.

Show them that as a parent you'll respect their wants and wishes and as they get older they'll pick up that other parents are dicks and don't do that.

I feel as sorry for Beth as your girls as she clearly wants them too. Sad

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 15/09/2022 16:20

TeenyDancy · 15/09/2022 15:06

Do people really think this when it comes to twins and parties?

I invited twins to one of my dses’ birthday parties, and my only worry was that they might feel they should each bring a present! I honestly didn’t mind if they brought nothing - and I find this mother’s attitude horribly grabby, @TeenyDancy.

mrsmoppp · 15/09/2022 16:35

Personally I would let your girls choose a small gift each to give to the birthday girl. It's a shame they should all miss out because of the awful mum

britneyisfree · 15/09/2022 16:43

Wow. I'd have nothing more to do with the mother for a start.

You don't really want to go begging or negotiating for an invite. Just let the girls play as normal but avoid out of school meet ups. Such a shame

saraclara · 15/09/2022 16:52

Invite Beth round for tea the day before and give her her presents then. Make it a bit of a special tea for your girls as much as her. It sounds like Beth is upset too, so it'd be a bit like a private tea party.

Framedays · 15/09/2022 17:04

I have twins DD's in separate classes so we never had problems. But it happen a few times that mum would contact me an apologize that only one was invited or sometimes 2 invitations have been sent. My girls birthdays parties were always the same date and each was inviting separate set of friends up to 6 each and we never expected they will have double presents. Everything went smoothly through primary.

Mumoftwoinprimary · 15/09/2022 17:11

We did have a hilarious thing once with twins invited to dd’s birthday. Dd was friends with both of them but only one was in her class so when handing out the invites gave them both to the twin in her class.

Come home time “Lizzie” happily showed her mum her party invitation. I wondered past then and saw it so said “hopefully the girls can come” and mum said “girls - I thought it was just Lizzie invited”? I said “no - both” and asked Dd where “Lucy’s” invitation was. At which point Lizzie found it in her bag…..

MuggleMe · 15/09/2022 17:13

Are they especially poor or something? I actually prefer fewer presents and the table piled when we did all class parties made me stressed!

ladycarlotta · 15/09/2022 17:27

I bet that's not the reason. It sounds like something the mum came up with to discourage Beth from wanting the twins at her birthday. I wonder what her actual problem is.

QuestionableMouse · 15/09/2022 17:29

Buy Beth a musical instrument and a huge pot of play dough/slime/glitter. Smile sweetly.

Original poster
TeenyDancy · 15/09/2022 17:30

Funny thing is we would have gave two presents. Dds had already picked out something and I was going to buy it nearer the time. I will still get them for her.

I like the idea of inviting Beth round before her party for a little tea and can give her the presents then. Not sure if her mum will agree to it though as Beth has never been round our house before.

I'm pleased to hear this isn't the norm when it comes to twins and parties.

OP posts:
BowiesJumper · 15/09/2022 17:33

Lord what an odd way of looking at a party! The presents are totally irrelevant. Poor Beth to have such a strange mother.

Summerslam · 15/09/2022 18:39

If I could afford it, I would take my twin daughters shopping and help them buy Beth a beautiful present from each of them, and give the gifts to Beth in front of her grasping mother. I would explain to my daughters that Beth's mother isn't a very nice person, then I'd do something fun and different with them at the time of the party they are not invited to.

Smartiepants79 · 15/09/2022 18:40

This is one of the most mean spirited things I’ve heard in a while! Them at mum will be regretting this when every birthday fills her house with a pile of stuff that her Dd never has time to look at more than once!
It’s a terrible reason and even worse that she shared it with her child?!
I would just say that there must be a misunderstanding and that because it’s a small party only a few people can go.
Then think of something nice to do with your twins on the same day.
If the girl is a nice kid, invite her round to play.
Don’t dwell on this with your girls.

KendrickLamaze · 15/09/2022 18:44

As a parent of one child, it would never even occur to me that twins should bring two presents. I'd honestly have only expected one and not a "better" one because it's from two people. I'm shocked people are this greedy!

Goes without saying twins get two presents for their party.

Em3425 · 15/09/2022 18:47

I've got twins, fortunately they had entirely different groups of friends when they were little. What a c*wbag. Can't believe anyone would think about presents like that!!

SpicePearl · 15/09/2022 18:57

I think there’s some other reason they’re not invited (not necessarily anything meaningful but just numbers, family commitments, budgets or whatever) and the mum has consoled Beth with some bullshit about presents to get her on side. Bit thick of her to expect it wouldn’t be repeated.

MinervaTerrathorn · 15/09/2022 19:02

Jolie12345 · 15/09/2022 16:18

That’s what she told Beth. But maybe there is another reason and when Beth put up a fight her mum used this to convince her

I'd say this. Mother didn't think and told Beth that reason without thinking. She likely wanted/needed to keep numbers down and couldn't add two more children.

Blondeshavemorefun · 15/09/2022 19:06

Beth’s mum sounds weird

def invite round fir tea after school and give her a pressie each from your girls

parties are a tricky one

if you invited siblings would they both bring a pressie. Prob not

yet twins have to or frowned apon

Etive · 15/09/2022 19:07

6 year olds don’t always get the story right. I’d reserve judgement on this one.

Swipe left for the next trending thread