DD is 8 and is unhappy a lot of the time. She worries about absolutely everything, even things that have nothing to do with her or anybody close to her.
She has always been a sensitive/anxious child, but it's got worse and worse over the last few months. So much so that, last term, her school suggested she attended a club with other kids who have similar anxieties. She also had a one-to-one meeting once a week with another lady, who is an educational mental health practitioner. DD really enjoyed these sessions, but they didn't seem to help her very much, and she masked a lot of her anxieties. The sessions have stopped now, and I don't think she's "allowed" to start again.
Her biggest thing is when she gets things "wrong". If she forgets something or doesn't do something perfectly, she gets herself into a total state of panic, sometimes absolute fury at herself. Over the summer holidays she was more at peace with herself, but if she ever did anything "wrong" (in her eyes!), it was the end of the world - sobbing, shouting, hating herself. I'm talking things like colouring outside the lines, spelling something incorrectly, not being able to do a handstand. She can't laugh at herself AT ALL, if that makes sense. Since she went back to school last week it's started building up again.
Today has been awful for her. She came out of school very upset, because she forgot to tell her teacher that she was allowed to walk through her brother's class (he's just started reception and is on the other side of the school) instead of me having to run around to pick her up in time. She's been so excited to be allowed to do it, and was devastated that she forgot. She came out and was immediately furious with me, then she sobbed on and off all the way home. It took her ages to calm down. And to top it off she then went back to Brownies this evening, and something tiny went wrong there as well and she cried all the way home from there, then pretty much continuously until she went to bed. I asked her how I could help and she screamed, "you can't, because I don't know what's wrong with me!" Its not the first time she's said that, and I hate hearing her talk about herself so negatively. (Also, I understand that the things going wrong aren't "tiny" to DD, just that they would be to others.)
DD is very well behaved, very academically able (she could read fluently at 3, for example) and very creative, but not so good at physical activities apart from swimming. She REALLY beats herself up about this. We went out for an afternoon with one of her friends, and DD got upset because she couldn't climb trees as well or do the monkey bars, etc. We always try to compliment her when she's done well at ANYTHING, along with praising her if she's been kind, telling her how much we love her and how awesome she is in general, etc. We don't put too much pressure on her with schoolwork and homework, but obviously encourage her to do it. Homeschool was a complete and total nightmare.
We also try not to talk about ourselves or other people negatively, although we do joke about not being so good at climbing and so on (all of us, not just DD!), to show her that it doesn't really matter and not everybody can be good at everything. She usually agrees with this until it comes time to do it, and then she falls apart at the slightest sign she might not be perfect at it. She's a perfectionist about everything, as a matter of fact, and is very easily frustrated/put off if she isn't brilliant at something on the first try. She does tell us if she thinks she's done well, like being the top reader in the class, and she's not bothered about not being the best at other subjects, but it's like she sets herself impossible personal goals and then is crushed when she just can't reach them.
School did vaguely suggest we should have her assessed, and I really think she should be. I'm going to talk to them about it this week. In the meantime, I want to help her but I just don't know how. I was a desperately unhappy child but I was severely bullied/isolated at school and had no friends at all. DD has an absolutely lovely group of friends, with no problems between them that I'm aware of (I've done my best to check). Her best friend moved to a different school this year which obviously doesn't help, but this has been going on since long before we even knew about that.
She's not unhappy ALL of the time. DD loves reading, writing, drawing, playing video and board games, playing with her brother (when she's not worrying about him), swimming, going to the park or other outside spaces. When she's happy she's an absolute delight. Everyone tells us how lovely she is, how smart, how confident. And she IS all of those things, and so much more. But she gets so upset about things and then gets even more upset at the thought that she's spoiled things for herself/DS/us.
Sorry this is such a long, garbled mess. I just want to help my little girl and I don't know what to do.