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Original poster

Question for anyone with a potty trained child at Nursery?

41 replies

Freddos · 06/09/2022 18:23

My child has been potty trained for a few months now during the day. He's perfectly able to use the potty/toilet independently, wait if we need to find somewhere to stop, tell you he needs to go and stop what he's doing even if it's lots of fun to go for a wee. He's fine everywhere and when looked after by anyone else except nursery and I'm getting very frustrated with how many accidents he's having whilst he's there.

He's in the toddler room as he's not 3 yet and as such he's got to ask an adult to use the toilet, which nursery assures me he does with no issues.

I've tried discussing it with them and they make all the right noises etc of we will remind him or encourage him at certain times to try but then when he has accidents they brush it off and say he got distracted or that he's had a good day despite having 2 or 3 accidents.

I'm going to be asking for yet another meeting but am wondering what else I can suggest or ask for at this stage. Short of him being in a room where he can access the toilets independently I'm not sure what other ideas to get them to try.

I'm not sure how many others in his room use the toilets but I'm getting the general feeling that having to take him is getting on their nerves and they would prefer he was still in nappies.

Any advice or suggestions.

OP posts:
mrsed1987 · 06/09/2022 18:29

How long till he moves in to the next room?

Original poster
Freddos · 06/09/2022 18:34

Quite a while, probably not until January or February.

OP posts:
WeightoftheWorld · 06/09/2022 18:45

Hmm, probably best to arrange a meeting with management about it to discuss. My DC1 was potty trained at 26 months, they were at home with me for 4 days to do it then they were at nursery. They had a couple of accidents here and there in the first fortnight or so of nursery, and also developed a soiling accident habit for a few weeks at nursery too. Staff were super supportive and it was all completely sorted after a few weeks. The room she was in did have toilets and potties and she was able to access them herself, she didn't need to ask permission to go or anything unless they were out in the outdoor play area or the forest school area as then I think they'd have to take her back in to the room to use the toilet. I thought all rooms with toilets would have open access for the children and if your child is over 2 I'd expect them to be in a room with free access to toilets and potties. It seems this might be the crux of the issue here ?

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Original poster
Freddos · 06/09/2022 19:11

I have already had one meeting with them and sadly it doesn't seem to have made any difference. Hence wondering how else I can approach it.

He still comes home with bags of wet clothes almost every day he's there and staff seem to think this is good progress but he's not newly potty trained and imo he doesn't need to make progress. Literally every other day except when he's at nursery he is dry and has been for ages.

It seems this might be the crux of the issue here ?

I'm wondering if it's the fact he has to ask and can't just go but equally they say he does ask and has no problems doing so, so this makes me wonder if they don't always take him when he does ask?

OP posts:
modgepodge · 06/09/2022 19:18

My daughter seems to get in to a habit of having accidents in the same place regularly, eg there’s one park and for months every time we went there she wet herself, despite being fairly reliable elsewhere. Can you try motivating your son with some kind of reward? Start small eg one day with no accidents = packet of sweets/chocolate, then build up to 2 days or a week or whatever? I had some luck with my daughter doing this, as she had the skill but had just got in to the habit of wetting herself in certain places.

Original poster
Freddos · 06/09/2022 19:23

Can you try motivating your son with some kind of reward? Start small eg one day with no accidents = packet of sweets/chocolate, then build up to 2 days or a week or whatever?

As good as an idea as this is I'm reluctant to try offering a reward as it doesn't seem fair to him to not get the reward if it turns out to not actually be his fault he couldn't get to the toilet if that makes sense.

I think if I'm honest my biggest frustration is that whilst I seem to be offering lots of suggestions and ideas the staff don't seem to be offering any of their own ideas or putting plans in place to help reduce the accidents.

OP posts:
Jsh125 · 06/09/2022 19:23

My little girl was potty trained day & night for several months then went through a really weird phase at nursery where she kept having accidents - we couldn't work it out, no problems at home or out (sounds very similar to your little one, could wait until near a toilet etc..). Nursery rules sounded similar to yours as well, had to ask an adult initially but would get taken straight away & not far to go to the toilets either. Same as you we felt it was an issue & they didn't even though she'd been potty trained for months.

As quickly as it began it stopped after a couple of months & we've not had a nursery accident since (a good 9 months now I'd say).
We tried talking to her to understand why she couldn't get to the toilet in time but genuinely couldn't work out what the problem was.
Definitely worth asking nursery to discuss again, they should be accommodating & happy to try alternatives.

allboysherebutme · 06/09/2022 19:31

I'd ask them to take him to the toilet regularly regardless of if he says he needs it or not.
I am a childminder and take my newly potty trained children to the toilet every hour. I don't ask them I just take them. X

Original poster
Freddos · 06/09/2022 19:35

Jsh125 I'll try to remain optimistic that it will eventually just stop but sadly he's never had a dry spell at nursery at all since potty training. Like your DD he also can't properly explain which doesn't help me get much clarity on the situation as I'm relying on the staff who seem to think several accidents every day months on from potty training is great progress.

OP posts:
Tumbleweed101 · 06/09/2022 19:36

Where are the toilets located? We have them in the room for easy and independent access. Some children who are toilet trained under age three can get very distracted when playing with friends or playing outside whereas usually with one to one adult care they may remember more quickly to go.

Original poster
Freddos · 06/09/2022 19:37

allboysherebutme · 06/09/2022 19:31

I'd ask them to take him to the toilet regularly regardless of if he says he needs it or not.
I am a childminder and take my newly potty trained children to the toilet every hour. I don't ask them I just take them. X

I've suggested this several times already and they assure me they do take him regularly and that he's also great at asking yet still he has accidents.

OP posts:
Original poster
Freddos · 06/09/2022 19:46

Tumbleweed101 · 06/09/2022 19:36

Where are the toilets located? We have them in the room for easy and independent access. Some children who are toilet trained under age three can get very distracted when playing with friends or playing outside whereas usually with one to one adult care they may remember more quickly to go.

The toilets are in the preschool room which is why he has to ask to be taken in there. I understand he may get distracted but surely not to the point of multiple daily accidents? He's fine at stopping playing during the groups we attend and going to the toilet so if seems unlikely he would be distracted to such an extent everytime he's at nursery.

OP posts:
MolliciousIntent · 06/09/2022 19:48

Get a potty and take it in with him. Tell them that he's having accidents because he's not able to go independently, so this is your solution.

Twizbe · 06/09/2022 19:57

If he's just started it could be just part of his settling in.

My son had real issues at his nursery with the actual toilet. He couldn't articulate what was wrong until recently, but he hated the sound of the flush. Could that be the issue.

It could just be a normal regression. My youngest has been trained for over a year now but has developed lots of poo issues

Original poster
Freddos · 06/09/2022 20:01

MolliciousIntent · 06/09/2022 19:48

Get a potty and take it in with him. Tell them that he's having accidents because he's not able to go independently, so this is your solution.

I suggested this but apparently it would need to be kept in the toilets which sort of defeated the purpose of bringing one in.

He's been there a while so not linked to settling in. I've asked if he seems scared or worried about anything but they've reassured me repeatedly he's fine and no issues so short of asking again I'm rapidly running out of ideas.

OP posts:
gg96cgp · 06/09/2022 20:04

Are you sure it's not because he's just so much more involved in his activities, with his friends at nursery meaning he's more likely to have an accident than he is when he's at home?

Itstarts · 06/09/2022 20:05

That's really shit if only over 3s get access to the toilets. Plenty of 2yos are potty trained.

Honestly I'd change nursery if possible. 2nd option to send in a potty.

I don't know what official rules are for nurseries but I'm fairly confident all children of potty training age + should have free access to toilets.

beth821 · 06/09/2022 20:08

I could have written this 2 weeks ago. I complained to the manager (in a nice way) and it immediately improved. I think they were just waiting for him to ask but I said you need to watch for the signs too. Anyway first day, poo on the potty and now only the odd accident, which is to be expected.

MolliciousIntent · 06/09/2022 20:08

Ask them to move him to the preschool room so that he has access to the toilets.

What are they suggesting to fix this issue?

Original poster
Freddos · 06/09/2022 20:09

gg96cgp · 06/09/2022 20:04

Are you sure it's not because he's just so much more involved in his activities, with his friends at nursery meaning he's more likely to have an accident than he is when he's at home?

It's not just when he's at home with me though which would make sense. He's fine on days out and at groups. Even when playing happily with lots of others he will still ask if he needs it.

I'm genuinely at the stage where I'm considering moving him as they don't seem to want to help find and work towards a solution.

OP posts:
Original poster
Freddos · 06/09/2022 20:14

MolliciousIntent · 06/09/2022 20:08

Ask them to move him to the preschool room so that he has access to the toilets.

What are they suggesting to fix this issue?

They have already said they won't move him yet and as I said they have offered no other suggestions. They just keep saying he's doing well only 2 accidents today etc and I feel like they genuinely think accidents everyday are fine.

OP posts:
Twizbe · 06/09/2022 20:22

@Freddos my eldest couldn't tell us he was scared of the toilet at nursery. He'd use the potty in the toilet but not the actual one. I don't think the nursery staff could have figured it out either because he didn't speak about it at all.

He's 5 now and it's only recently he's been able to say what was wrong.

Original poster
Freddos · 06/09/2022 20:27

beth821 I'm glad it improved after your chat.

Twizbe I have asked if there's anything they have noticed and they say he's fine using it but obviously it's not 100% certain that this is accurate. Nevertheless if they say he seems happy using it I can't say otherwise. I can suggest taking in our potty and seeing if that helps but if the issue isnt the toilet but more him getting to the toilets then I'm not sure where to go next.

OP posts:
Finchgold · 06/09/2022 20:36

I had a similar problem. There was no easy access from toddler room and the small toilets were still too high for him. I had to bring a stool in for him which helped a bit but really it was only sorted once he moved to the preschool room where he could access toilets independently. He ended up moving nursery for a different reason but I wished I’d moved him sooner. If the nursery aren’t handling toileting well it’s not really a good sign.

Original poster
Freddos · 06/09/2022 20:53

Finchgold · 06/09/2022 20:36

I had a similar problem. There was no easy access from toddler room and the small toilets were still too high for him. I had to bring a stool in for him which helped a bit but really it was only sorted once he moved to the preschool room where he could access toilets independently. He ended up moving nursery for a different reason but I wished I’d moved him sooner. If the nursery aren’t handling toileting well it’s not really a good sign.

Sadly I think this might be our best option if there's no change soon. It's almost like they don't see a problem with him having so many accidents and I'm not sure it's fair on him to hope anything changes if they're not willing to help resolve the issue.

OP posts: