Question for anyone with a potty trained child at Nursery?

[Freddos]

My child has been potty trained for a few months now during the day. He's perfectly able to use the potty/toilet independently, wait if we need to find somewhere to stop, tell you he needs to go and stop what he's doing even if it's lots of fun to go for a wee. He's fine everywhere and when looked after by anyone else except nursery and I'm getting very frustrated with how many accidents he's having whilst he's there.

He's in the toddler room as he's not 3 yet and as such he's got to ask an adult to use the toilet, which nursery assures me he does with no issues.

I've tried discussing it with them and they make all the right noises etc of we will remind him or encourage him at certain times to try but then when he has accidents they brush it off and say he got distracted or that he's had a good day despite having 2 or 3 accidents.

I'm going to be asking for yet another meeting but am wondering what else I can suggest or ask for at this stage. Short of him being in a room where he can access the toilets independently I'm not sure what other ideas to get them to try.

I'm not sure how many others in his room use the toilets but I'm getting the general feeling that having to take him is getting on their nerves and they would prefer he was still in nappies.

Any advice or suggestions.

It's difficult because if he's otherwise happy at nursery, I would probably be reluctant to move him. Is he bothered by the wetting himself? Could it be that he has already wet sometimes before he asks a staff member for the toilet? Maybe he doesn't like asking them, so he does eventually but holds on as much as poss so sometimes misjudges and wets himself?

I am honestly shocked that there aren't toilets in his room though. My kids go to a large nursery, it's 4 rooms, the only room without its own toilets is the baby room and little ones are usually moved into the next room from there at about 20-23 months old.

It sounds like a very poor setup to not have easy toilet or even just potty access for the children who are the exact age where they will be potty training!DD's nursery is split into 0-2s, the 2s and 3-5s, and both 2s and 3-5s have free access to the toilet and potties.

Surely they have plenty of kids who are freshly potty trained or in the process in the toddler room? Most of DD's peers were trained between 2.5-3.

I think it’s totally normal to have accidents at nursery in the first few months when they wouldn’t happen at home. They really do get distracted and are playing and do just forget they need to go. I’d definitely say it took 3-4 months at nursery to have no accidents. For a boy, if he’s not yet 3, he’s still quite young to be totally dry, so just keep providing extra clothes. One day he’ll just crack it.

He doesn't like being wet at all but he does really like being at the nursery although I'm not sure that's worth the consistent issues.

I have to admit I was surprised to learn he didn't have free access to toilets it's not something I thought to check when he started I probably naively presumed they would have access when he got to this age.

Surely they have plenty of kids who are freshly potty trained or in the process in the toddler room? Most of DD's peers were trained between 2.5-3.

Im not 100% sure how many in his room are trained but I'm positive he can't be the only one. He's young but not impossibly young for potty training so surley the are used to dealing with these issues.

Just to clarify I'm not at all bothered that he is having accidents I totally expected that there would be some but I am bothered by the volume of accidents, the fact they happen every day he's there and their reluctance to try and help recolve him wetting himself daily.

And some accidents at nursery are common at the start but multiple a day without improvement and nursery workers seemingly not knowing why or suggesting how to change it when it's the only place he's having them suggests something else is going on IMO.

DD had maybe two/three weeks of accidents at nursery that tapered off steeply after the first few days, down to the occasional once every few weeks. And nursery staff were really good at explaining what had happened and how they would try avoid it next time.

And some accidents at nursery are common at the start but multiple a day without improvement and nursery workers seemingly not knowing why or suggesting how to change it when it's the only place he's having them suggests something else is going on IMO.

See this is what I was anticipating. A fee weeks of accidents and then everything settling down but we're months on now and it's not getting any better and despite my attempts at trying to resolve it and it genuinely is the only place he's having any accidents.

I shall try and have another discussion with staff but I'm not sure what else to suggest and they don't seem to be offering any help.

@Freddos This seems odd to me if they're taking him regularly that the accidents are happening.
Is he happy there, are you happy with everything else apart from this ? X

That's why I find it odd too, if just doesn't make any sense. They say they take him and they say he asks frequently and yet still he has so many accidents.

I've no other concerns about the nursery and was happy with how he much he enjoyed it, that he had made friends and seemed content there but this is genuinely making me question if it's OK to keep sending him back.

I would speak to them again and ask them what happens when he asks to go.

I had to pull my DS out of a nursery in a similar situation because their staffing numbers meant he was often having to wait when he needed to go. The staff just had zero urgency about taking him because they were busy with other stuff.

Sorry you had similar issues. I'm at the point where I do believe that's what's happening here too, which isn't great as up until now I had no problems and trusted them implicitly. I just can't see logically why else he's having so many accidents.

I iwll try chatting to them again and asking for another meeting but unfortunately it's looking likely that removing him might be the only way to resolve the problem.

With my dd, she's coming up to 3 now, but was potty trained at Christmas. She's in the 2-3 year room at nursery. They don't have direct access to toilets, but get taken multiple times a day, in the same routine every day. The 3-5yo room allows the kids to take themselves to the toilet but does also still supervise those who need it. There are several kids in dds room who are fully potty trained, and quite a few going through the process so they also have a few potties in the room as well. I would have thought that age group would be prime potty training territory so I can't understand why they're not set up to support your ds. I would be talking to them again, ask what their routine is for toilet visits, and whether they can increase the frequency, as well as taking ds when he asks.

I would be talking to them again, ask what their routine is for toilet visits, and whether they can increase the frequency, as well as taking ds when he asks.

I've had another chat this morning and they reiterated that they take him when he asks and at set times e.g before meals or going outside. However they also again said he's making good progress (this phrase is now getting on my nerves) and when I tried to explain again that he's only having accidents when at nursery they parroted the whole well kids get distracted and engrossed speech.

I got a little frustrated, not my finest moment and said obviously I appreciate that but I don't feel like he's being listened to and that's why he's having the accidents.

It was left with a well we will remind him more platitude but I came home feeling like they just think I'm being difficult for the sake of it now.

I think the trust has now gone and I'm left with little option but to consider moving him.

Are you at a nursery that doesn't allow you into the room post Covid?

Curious about that as I have had similar issues and I feel like it's so hard to know what is going on when all you have to rely on is to the staff and a child who is not old enough to explain what is going on.

Hi OP, I’m sorry to hear you’re having this problem. I’ve worked in childcare for the last 8 years and I just don’t ever think that having to ask an adult for the toilet works in newly potty trained children, especially in bigger settings like nurseries where there’s often not many adults per child.

It’s a really difficult skill for him to master to allow enough time to make it to the toilet with all the additional steps required- he needs to decide he needs a wee, go and find a staff member, ask them, wait for them to be able to take him (which realistically, working in childcare, will not ever be immediate) and the amount of time that process takes will vary wildly each time.

Clearly the system isn’t working for your son, so it’s up to the nursery now to make appropriate adjustments. Having multiple accidents every single day isn’t fair on him. It’s embarrassing, it’s uncomfortable and it’s just unnecessary.

Call another meeting. They may well say that he is asking to use the toilet fine, but clearly that isn’t the case every time otherwise he wouldn’t be having accidents. I would ask them directly how they can assist him to access the toilet independently. Maybe they could have a potty in a specific area of the room that is visible to them. Maybe at busier times of day the door leading to the toilet can be left open. Maybe other doors in the building can be shut so that it is safe for him to walk himself to the toilet. Maybe he can have a designated key worker that he is to tell he needs the toilet, but who can also remind him hourly. It isn’t for you or I to guess at, nursery needs to find a solution.

Good luck!