Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

How to deal with team building that I can’t do?

48 replies

Hailtheteam · 05/09/2022 21:02

TL:DR due to disability I probably won’t manage our team building walk and feel a bit shit. So rant/just wondering what to do on the day. It reminds me of school and desperately wanting to manage.
Any tips?😢(real unfortunately)

Detail
I am in a desk based job. I’m in a team at work and we are having a team building exercise. it’s a walk around the city. Probably a good choice as a defined length of time and free. If they are having something it should be this. Anything they did would be a problem for someone, this time me.

I have cerebral palsy. I can walk but maybe not as fast as others or as far. My managers know about the CP and I don’t hide it from others, but it wouldn’t be obvious round office. I had a meeting with manager weeks ago and said I would just do what I can then come back if it was a walk (no-one knew at that stage). Now it’s here I may manage the whole thing ok, not sure. I thought I had more oomph and confidence to explain to colleagues if I need to stop - I don’t .

I don’t want to be different or have adjustments so will do my best. I won’t call in sick or wfh. As far as I know the others will manage fine (but who knows might be
I hate my disabilities, my lack of confidence and right now myself.

OP posts:
Giveaschitt · 05/09/2022 21:05

Could you just mention a sore foot/hip/leg early on and then just declare that it was playing up and you couldn't carry on at a time you wanted to stop?

Needmorelego · 05/09/2022 21:07

You're part of the team - so any team building activity should be suitable for you to do. You can't do this.
Sorry but they need to find a different activity.
(Baffled how a city walk can be good for team building - crowds, traffic noises etc. Odd activity)

Cynderella · 05/09/2022 21:08

Can you just send an email saying you won't be able to do it - no need to make excuses or explain. And then, just don't do it.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Employment advice
Hotandbothereds · 05/09/2022 21:17

I think they need to rethink their activity, they’ve not really thought it through and it should be inclusive of everyone in the team.

It’s not fair that you’re left feeling like this, I imagine they’d be mortified not to have realised!

Can you have a chat with your manager about it, maybe it could be split into shorter sections or they could rethink another activity entirely.

Original poster
Hailtheteam · 05/09/2022 21:19

Cynderella · 05/09/2022 21:08

Can you just send an email saying you won't be able to do it - no need to make excuses or explain. And then, just don't do it.

I so wish I just had the confidence to do this. It’s so hard wanting to fit in, not wanting adjustments, not wanting to lie or be ashamed of the CP if I am saying I can’t do something. The trouble with saying an injury is potentially being asked about it in future about recovery.

I suppose I could ask my manager or I could email round beforehand just being honest about and I’m happy to go back myself (much prefer as I can go at my own pace.)

OP posts:
Frogium · 05/09/2022 21:21

Needmorelego · 05/09/2022 21:07

You're part of the team - so any team building activity should be suitable for you to do. You can't do this.
Sorry but they need to find a different activity.
(Baffled how a city walk can be good for team building - crowds, traffic noises etc. Odd activity)

I agree with this. The activity is excluding you and it's really shameful. Your workplace should work on their D&I policies.

Fortyisthenewthirty · 05/09/2022 21:23

It isn't a team building exercise if the whole team can't do it. They haven't thought this through or they don't realise it will be a problem for you. Please tell your manager. I would be mortified (and quickly rectify it in a way that didn't reflect on you) if this was going on in my team.

Original poster
Hailtheteam · 05/09/2022 21:23

It’s not a bad idea for colleagues to know - two already do as we’re there pre Covid. Each team in the organisation is doing the same (wondering if they’ll give us a clipboard like at school to tick off a list of things - the big clock/green bottle… 😂)

OP posts:
whingewhinge · 05/09/2022 21:24

Honestly, it's so sad that they haven't considered you in this. It's ok to say something, you still fit into the team. Just not THiS activity. I suspect you wouldn't expect anyone else with a need to just put up with this, you deserve to be considered, you deserve adjustments - that's ok.

BornToDance · 05/09/2022 21:26

I can relate OP. Our team building consisted of something that both myself and a colleague couldn’t do due to Ill health and disability. Our manager’s ‘helpful’ solution was that we could stand at the side and watch Sad In the end covid hit so we didn’t get to do it anyway, but that discussion really brought home a few things about my employer and I left shortly afterwards.

If you can, I would simply email your manager and state you can’t do it. If they’re already aware of your CP then surely they should put 2 and 2 together?

funnelfanjo · 05/09/2022 21:29

Fortyisthenewthirty · 05/09/2022 21:23

It isn't a team building exercise if the whole team can't do it. They haven't thought this through or they don't realise it will be a problem for you. Please tell your manager. I would be mortified (and quickly rectify it in a way that didn't reflect on you) if this was going on in my team.

I couldn't word it any better. Your managers need to be metaphorically smacked in the head with a clue stick. In the meantime, you need to approach your line manager, by email if you don't feel able to do it verbally, to point out that you will not be physically able to take part in the team building day and put the ball in their court asking what you should be doing on the day. Bonus points for expressing enthusiasm about wanting to take part, I hate the forced jollity of those kinds of events. 😁

JesusMaryAndJosephAndTheWeeDon · 05/09/2022 21:33

Could you volunteer to be the "crew" meet them at a couple of strategic locations with drinks and snacks, maybe be in charge of the stop watch etc so you are still involved

silverclock222 · 05/09/2022 21:38

Not sure about the inclusive irregularities of this however there is a more important thing to think about and that is your disability. It is nothing to be ashamed. Your disability only defines you if you let it. Don't give it any special treatment in your mind,.its simply part of you.

abovedecknotbelow · 05/09/2022 21:43

We've got team building coming up and as always there are two options -I hate fucking team building-- one option is active obstacle course type things, the second is an escape
Room thing type thing that is all seated.

It's just team building if the team can't all participate

Original poster
Hailtheteam · 05/09/2022 21:45

The walk isn’t long - may manage it, not sure and I’d love to. I think it’s a team exercise about getting to know one another as new people.

im reading what you are all saying and it’s like one of those threads -

OP what should I do?
Whole of MN - do X
OP “no” I know that letting manager know is the logical reasonable thing to do. emotions are a strange thing. It isn’t immediate so have a few days to pull on the famous MN big girls pants

OP posts:
ShirleyPhallus · 05/09/2022 21:46

I think it’s absolutely awful they haven’t included you, from an exclusion / disability perspective

My old company had a team building day which was completely pregnancy unfriendly - basically rollercoasters followed by paintballing followed by wine tasting. Bloody annoying but this is actually discriminatory

QuitMoaning · 05/09/2022 22:02

I have organised a city treasure hunt for welcoming a new team member as we have to work together to solve the clues and answer the questions so it can be a good team activity. I also think it is a good way for new person to get to know the locations but. As far as I know, no one in the team has any physical or mental challenges that would prevent them from taking part (only six of us in team and I am deputy team leader) but I would happily change it if someone couldn’t take part. They all have been enthusiastic about the event but possibly as it will end in a pub for some food and beers. 🤣

Saynotothefishtank · 05/09/2022 22:38

OP this is something your managers should know about. If they knew they’d probably have chosen a different activity. Eg here is a conversation from my past

boss: we should do team building. I’m gonna book us some go-karting.

me: ah, I won’t be able to make it, I get travel sick.

boss: but surely you could just do a bit?

me: never in a million years.

boss: but…

me: nope.

Boss binned his crap idea and we did cocktail-making instead. Obviously your situation is very different and much more serious, I don’t mean to trivialise it - but speaking up early on can really help stop problems like this arising.

Cynderella · 05/09/2022 22:44

Hailtheteam · 05/09/2022 21:19

I so wish I just had the confidence to do this. It’s so hard wanting to fit in, not wanting adjustments, not wanting to lie or be ashamed of the CP if I am saying I can’t do something. The trouble with saying an injury is potentially being asked about it in future about recovery.

I suppose I could ask my manager or I could email round beforehand just being honest about and I’m happy to go back myself (much prefer as I can go at my own pace.)

Show quote history

I've been in similar situations, and I avoid confrontation or 'being difficult', but if you send a short polite email, the problem is solved. You don't have to do it face to face, and email stops you waffling on trying to explain - because you absolutely shouldn't have to do that.

I'm sure your manager will feel mortified they'd been so thoughtless and find a way round it.

Dotcheck · 05/09/2022 22:47

OP
You probably aren’t the only person who can’t do this. Honestly- just tell them

vileta · 05/09/2022 22:50

I would explain to your Manager via email it's hard to talk about these things in person. Ask for their reply in an email as well so you can read it and process it in your own time. It's a team building and everyone should feel comfortable. You should be at ease chatting with people and not worried about not being able to complete the walk. A quiz and a picnic could be a better option sheathed permitting. There are lots of other options that can suit everybody. The manager would prefer to know now rather then realizing too late their activity has put you under pressure and feel bad about it.

AlisonDonut · 05/09/2022 22:53

Part of getting to know you is the fact that you cant do this activity, isn't it? Or are you excluded from that too?

ChocolatePotCafe · 05/09/2022 22:57

Probably not the response you wanted but I just wanted to say that you’re not alone. I too have CP and work in a team who love doing things like 10 mile hikes etc which I just cannot do. I kind of love the fact they don’t view me as different but it is soul destroying thinking of an excuse every time. I don’t think people do it on purpose but I don’t think it’s at the forefront of people’s minds if they haven’t necessarily been touched by disability in their own lives. Sorry that I don’t have the answer but if you ever need to vent, feel free to send me a message.

User287264 · 05/09/2022 22:57

I wonder if you try so hard not to let your disability affect your work that your manager in good faith thinks you'll manage the walk no problem? I sympathise. I have arthritis and wouldn't be able to do a team walk. Or maybe on a good day I could if it wasn't too far or too fast. My colleagues would never know that though because they only ever see me walk round the office so it wouldn't occur to them that I would find it hard.

I'm not sure what I'd do, I guess it's all organised now and you don't want to ask for changes at this stage.
Could you ask to see the route then work out some short cuts? Or a coffee shop where you can wait? Hopefully someone would wait with you. But that's still shit.

I think I would say "I can't do the whole route, if anyone fancies a shorter one I've worked out this detour." It's the walking together that matters, not the distance.

That option still forces you to reveal why you can't do the whole distance at their pace though and you maybe don't want to do that.

endofthelinefinally · 05/09/2022 23:02

I hate this sort of enforced team building nonsense for exactly this reason. It is stressful and exclusionary for anyone who has any kind of issue that affects their ability to participate.
I am sorry that you have been put in this position OP.

Swipe left for the next trending thread