How to deal with team building that I can’t do?

[Hailtheteam]

TL:DR due to disability I probably won’t manage our team building walk and feel a bit shit. So rant/just wondering what to do on the day. It reminds me of school and desperately wanting to manage.
Any tips?😢(real unfortunately)

Detail
I am in a desk based job. I’m in a team at work and we are having a team building exercise. it’s a walk around the city. Probably a good choice as a defined length of time and free. If they are having something it should be this. Anything they did would be a problem for someone, this time me.

I have cerebral palsy. I can walk but maybe not as fast as others or as far. My managers know about the CP and I don’t hide it from others, but it wouldn’t be obvious round office. I had a meeting with manager weeks ago and said I would just do what I can then come back if it was a walk (no-one knew at that stage). Now it’s here I may manage the whole thing ok, not sure. I thought I had more oomph and confidence to explain to colleagues if I need to stop - I don’t .

I don’t want to be different or have adjustments so will do my best. I won’t call in sick or wfh. As far as I know the others will manage fine (but who knows might be
I hate my disabilities, my lack of confidence and right now myself.

Ah Op, I'm sorry you're in this situation.

At my old place we used to have team meetings once a month and every other month we'd do an activity.

There were 9 People on my team 7 were blokes between 23 and 37 and then me, a female aged 58 and our female managed 54.

Every fucking time it was a physical activity. Rock climbing, paint balling, go karting.

I made excuses to just watch most, then I did the go karting one and cried my eyes out on one of the young lads after cause the sheer pain I was in, in my pelvis.

After that I put my foot down and just said they were being dicks and not thinking about anyone but themselves.

But, it was hard and I had a lot of push back so understand your reticence, especially because yours is disability related.

I agree with the email idea.

My story was just for solidarity really.

Honestly, there have to be some advantages of getting older, and one is that you can see this team building fuckery is just nonsense - it's making you feel less one of the team, so that makes it even more rubbish.

Really - an email - eliminates face to face conversations and isn't visible to other people. I doubt you're paid enough to deal with all this anxiety on top of actual work, and tramping round the city isn't in your job description.

Absolutely this!!!

I'm shocked and appalled on your behalf and tbh if I were you I'd be contacting the union!

Thanks everyone

Just some answers - it’s not a large team.

My CP does not need any/minimal adjustments for my work so easier for colleagues or manager not to realise, even I didn’t think it through.

I wouldn’t necessarily say this completely exclude.s me, it might a bit. When I spoke to my manager I just thought I’d be fine leaving the walk part way through and I may still do that.

My employer (organisation and my manager) is generally really good - not deliberate, just maybe not thinking it through . It’s a single team day.

A lot of this is to with my emotions around my disability. I can tell some of you have first hand experience - thanks for sharing them. Sometimes feels like you are the only one.

I would be absolutely mortified if a colleague had CP and the rest of the team had gone on a walk and they had tried to keep up putting themselves at risk of pain or suffering and the manager hadn't figured this out and managed this situation better.

I keep asking this - how do people get to supervisory and above positions without having even the most basic training about equality and employment law?
You manager is actively discriminating against staff who are e.g. disabled or having a difficult pregnancy. Its tedious to have to be the one to keep pointing out they are breaking the law, they shouldn't put you in this position in the first place - and thats what I'd say when I complain to HR.

Just an idea - but would it help if you could suggest doing it as a team video/virtual walk via street view/google earth? It might not be just yourself that is feeling unable to participate?
Sorry that this type of lack of thought is still around. Hope a suitable resolution is found.

Exactly this
You have nothing to be ashamed of
Or maybe you could organise refreshments/ a meal at the other end and be part of it that way?

I’m a bit conflicted on this. If it were me, and the team building were a city walk, I’d just ask a colleague to help me keep my wheelchair rolling. I wouldn’t be demanding the team building be changed to something where I could sit in a chair and hide the fact I’m not much of a walker.

You similarly cannot walk the whole distance but at the same time seem to want to hide the fact you have a disability by refusing all aids that could enable you to do the activity. I think it’s more about you not wanting to be seen as disabled, than you truly not being able to participate. In your shoes where youre somewhat able bodied but don’t have much stamina, I’d be showing up with a little electric scooter or something and zipping alongside my colleagues.

We can tirade against the managers all we like. But by the sounds of it they aren't aware that OP's CP will make this activity hard for them.

They can adjust it or help you if they don't know that there is an issue.

Big girl pants on OP. Talk about your CP, let them know your concerns and together find a way forward.

Sad and annoyed on your behalf.

"Team building" is a bit rife with this sort of casual exclusion, based on assumptions that we're all the same, e.g. everyone enjoys drinking alcohol. I remember getting an agenda for a team day that suddenly went on into the evening when I was new to a job, I was so anxious about saying I had to leave to collect my son from school!

I think it’s a team exercise about getting to know one another as new people.

And part of this ^ is making sure that the exercise is suitable for all those people. And for understanding that those people may not want their disability to be made public to all the team as a reason for not being able to do the activity.

Honestly, what happened to 'duty of care'?

You could leave the personal info out of it, put a light strapping on one ankle, say you sprained it and that you’ll start and see how you go - but may return to office early. (perhaps in an Uber if you feel crappy).

Why should the OP have to make up a lie and potentially pay for an Uber? It’s her manager’s responsibility to make this activity inclusive.

The managers are on a hiding to nothing. A walk is about as inclusive as you can get (see the complaints about karting and other physical fun activities), and more importantly, OP's CP is not evident. She works normally without any issues, she didn't limp or show any signs of not being able to walk.

If OP is not prepared to be open about her issues (and that's a valid choice) then how did they know to accommodate them? Especially as OP herself is saying that she can probably do the walk anyway.

Because she doesn't WANT them making allowances for her - she says that in her OP. Of course she should feel able to be open and up front about her condition, but she doesn't feel able to and people should be respecting that rather than insisting she tells everyone. She says in the OP that she did speak to the manager a few weeks back so they know, and OP told them she was happy to participate for as long as she could. I expect the manager has taken her at her word and so feels the activity is inclusive of her.

The manager does know about the CP.

Perhaps thinking it through and asking people what activity they want might help - I don't know - build their team?

If team building is needed because the management are not ensuring the team gels, then that is on them. People shouldn't have to be in pain or taking taxis across town to facilitate 'building a team'.

I think it's pretty crap of the managers to chooseca team building activity that actively excludes one team member. But given that its done, the best solution would be for them to hire a electric mobility scooter for you for the day. I can see that isn't ideal but it would mean you can participate fully without risking your health.

This.

If the managers are of the belief that this activity is inclusive of the OP what do you want them to do?

Manager has been in touch and we are sorting something out - thanks everyone. I’m leaving the thread now. It seemed to get a bit heated.

I'm glad you're talking to your manager and finding a suitable solution.

Would you though? You might. But you are skimming over the psychological and emotional aspect of this that you only know about it if you live the experience rather than imagine it.

End of the day, you're paid to work. You take a job you can do. Then you're asked to do something, so a manager can say they do team building. Just no. If you don't want to do it don't. Be professional and polite, but don't feel you have to explain yourself or justify what are very reasonable feelings.

Glad to read you have spoken with your manager.