People with autism, Do you stuggle with this as well? If so how do you manage it?

[aoewa]

Have an adult family member (in his 20's) with autism. He has always stuggled with money and paying bills etc. He lives indipendantly in a flat and (very) rarely pays his bills.

We have tried literally everything to help him, But nothing at all works.

Say he got paid today, Within an hour he will have nothing left, Then goes either a week or two weeks with no money, No food, No bills paid etc. He thinks every penny paid to him is for him to spend how he likes, Bills and food are an after thought, He then constantly asks everyone for money for food.

He is in debt with all his bills, He has now stopped paying council tax as well with the view of giving it to them when he is ready to give it to them and not when they say it's due.

He refuses to have his money controlled by his mental health team.

Things we have tried:

He gave me ALL of his money in cash, I paid it into my bank, Paid all his bills for the month, then gave him a set amount each day. This lasted a week before he asked for it all back.

He gave my mum his debit card and told her to give him £30 per day, This lasted less than a day before he was threatening to phone the police on her saying she stole his card.

I paid his bills as and when they were due and he gave me the money in cash to cover them, He then didn't pay me back.

We even tried setting up payment plans with all his bill providors, Which they aggreed to, and even that didn't work as he has this thing where he refuses to leave a single penny in his bank account, He takes the lot out in cash.

We even resorted to clubbing together as a family and clearing an energy bill debt, then he just let it go into debt again and we can't keep doing it.

He tells us he needs prompting, so we remind him when they are due then all we get is we are nagging him and treating him like a child, He then gets aggressive saying we are 'babying' him.

We have been trying for years and we have no idea what else to do or try.

He also refuses point bank to go into assisted living, He says he will kill himself if he has to leave his flat.

What is likely to happen to him if he can't be helped with this? Will he end up homeless?

Would he qualify for a social worker? My daughter has autism but is younger. Maybe look on autism uk for advice? Sorry I can’t be much help but maybe there is a way someone can be made guardian of his accounts. It might be worth contacting his local bank. They must have experience of this. Maybe contact citizens advice also.

Does he live in council or housing association?
We have a housing support worker who helps us with a lot of these things and advocates for us.
I'm autistic, DH ADHD.

Your autistic relative sounds like they may have PDA alongside the diagnosis of autism.

Google it and see if the behaviours correlate at all. Might provide some ideas to help.

But yes he's likely to end up evicted and with bailiffs coming.

You would need legal advice but if he doesn't have mental capacity to make financial decisions then you could apply to the Court of Protection to appoint a Deputy to manage his finances.

I've known a few people who've been through that. Simply making "unwise" decisions would not necessarily be the same as not having mental capacity (we all have the right to make unwise decisions if we have mental capacity).

Metal capacity is decision-specific and would be about whether he can understand the information relevant to the financial decision, retain that information, evaluate it, and communicate his decision.

If he doesn't understand that not paying bills will lead to homelessness (for instance) then that potentially sounds more like a mental capacity issue. You can have mental capacity to make some decisions but not others. But it's a complex legal area and you would need specialist advice.

www.gov.uk/become-deputy

Autistic People. Not people with autism

Firstly, he needs to arrange to get paid into his bank account.
If he can't control his own money, then he needs to have that removed.

Firstly, you need to get Power of Attourney.
My suggestion would be that his money is paid into an account that he doesn't have access to, have all the bills paid first by direct debit, and then an allowance paid into the account he has access to.

It doesn't sound like he'll ever be able to control his own finances, executive dysfunction can do that, so you'll have to.

Sorry for any offence caused. I have dylexia so struggle with how to word things. Appologies.

He can't grant someone Power of Attorney if he already doesn't have mental capacity. You have to apply for Deputyship through Court of Protection in that scenario.

Does he just cancel them if you set up direct debits ?

What a difficult situation. Most autistic people struggle in some way with executive function.

If he carries on doing this Social Services will take over the handling of his finances for him and it sounds like that's a good idea. I think the best thing is to stop paying off his debts, he needs to understand that if he wants to control of his own money he needs to be IN control. I don't see that there's any other way to do it. Unless the whole family wants to bail him out forever.

Second bank account, work out how much will be left after bills and set up a standing order that transfers that into a spending account. The rest stays in first bank account and covers all direct debits. Once it's all set up destroyed the debit card to account 1, they could alway request a new one but the time and effort to do that might help impulse control.

The main benefit is it's automated, so there's not a person to focus the frustration on, or to battle for control with.

I think I might have seen recently that energy companies can apply to have the bills taken directly for benefits, you could look into that too.

What is the difference?

Identity first language

I'm autistic.

I'm horrendous with money, saving, debt. It's one of the pip descriptors. I didn't get enough points to receive it though.

Not everyone uses identity first language.

What does he spend the money on? He must have a flat full of stuff if his wages are gone so quick or is he giving money to someone else (or buying things for other people).
If he his going through his money so quickly I would worry he is being taken advantage of by someone.

I'm someone with autism who struggles with this a lot. I just can't forward plan it but I acknowledge its a problem type thing.
Family member set up a bunch of bank accounts that are all mine with direct debits to filter them so on the first I get my spending pocket type money to one, groceries goes to another card I have and bills goes to an account I don't have a card for, so my bills are always covered. Started a job for first time in a couple of years and it's going to work the same with my wage.

If he's not willing to accept it as a problem that's an issue and as others have said maybe social services/deputy ship maybe an option.

Exactly... Not everyone likes to define themselves by one part of who they are. "Dyslexic people" "Cancer people" "Mental health issue people".

I’m Autistic and I struggle with money. I do what a pp suggested - one bank account for bills with D/D and a standing order to cover the costs, whatever is left over I live on. But I’m able to leave the money alone and not to dip into it….the other possibility that standing order goes to a separate bank account he can’t access. Not sure that would work for him though.

I mean, you say he’s independent but he’s not really is he? He cannot manage his finances himself nor will he allow anyone else to help. Sorry, not really sure what the answer is. But yes, many ND people have trouble with money..but no there’s no simple answer to this problem.

Stop telling people how to talk it really fucks me off when it's actually very individual (or did you miss that bit on your own picture). Many people prefer 'people with autism' because it suggests it is just one facet to them and doesn't define them the way 'autistic person' does.

He is likely to be poor with money due to executive function, he may also feel he is not getting anything for his money especially with things like council tax - and so not see why he should pay them. He will also have learnt that someone will always bail him out. Have you tried making a list of all his bills and explaining exactly what he gets for each thing? Like what council tax is spent on (but concentrate on things that directly affect him). Then tell him exactly what happens if someone doesn't pay - go to court, fined, be made to go on pay as you go meter, maybe go to jail etc. He needs to take responsibility if he is able because there will likely come a time when no one will be able to bail him out.

It might also be an idea (if you can) to have a portion of his money go into one account and all his bills come out of there by direct debit and the rest of his money go into a different account - but weekly rather than all in one go so he is never with money for too long if he spends it all. It would take some setting up though and he'd have to agree. But if you start letting natural consequences take their toll a little then you may find he is more willing to consider things. I could imagine my ds could be pretty manipulative if he thought he could spend all his money on himself and get me to pay his bills and food - but it depends on how high functioning this family member is.

*without money

I have been told the exact opposite before (by people on the spectrum)
That they are people first and foremost who happened to also have autism. But they are not autism.

So not all autistic people/people with autism will agree with that view…

Never said they did
I literally answered the question when someone asked what the previous poster meant.