I love my mum…BUT

LiveLaughLoaf · 2022-09-02T18:06:59+00:00

I love my mum. She’s a lovely mother, a wonderful fun grandma, despite getting on a bit and not being in the best of health. We all love her to bits. But… We’ve been away with her for a week and every single time we had anything at all to eat it was ‘enormous’ So, a normal sized cup of tea.”This tea’s like a swimming pool!” A normal sized scone, “This scone is like a giants portion!” A normal sized fish and chips “Oh my goodness it’s Moby Dick!” Honestly I’m a healthy weight with a normal appetite and I’ve spent the week feeling like Augustus bloody Gloop! Anyone else?

Bookridden · 02/09/2022 19:09

I think appetite dims in elderly people so they see normal size portions as much bigger than they really are. Both DM and DMIL do this. And every quirk is intensified when you are on holiday together!

Rilo · 02/09/2022 19:11

My mum died a while ago. I’d give anything to share a scone and some fish & chips with her and let her make me feel fat. Give yours a hug and tell her you love her

LadyCampanulaTottington · 02/09/2022 19:13

Yes. My mother is a competitive undereater.

We were in Italy a few weeks ago and every fucking meal started the same way…

”I’ll only eat something small” and then “I’m still stuffed from [insert last meal], I couldn’t eat a big meal”.

I ended up almost shouting at her that nobody cares how much she does or doesn’t eat. Just order and eat as much as you want. FFS it’s so tedious.

She could always find room for dessert though!

Cactuslove · 02/09/2022 19:13

My parents aren't even past 60 and they eat like baby birds! I know exactly what you mean! Take a second biscuit and you feel like you've gorged the packet. Hahaha

PenguinLove1 · 02/09/2022 19:16

Yep, my mil is the same every time we go out - takes the enjoyment out of it for everyone else!

Esteemed · 02/09/2022 19:17

Exactly this… DGM told us that the plates we had for a Christmas dinner one year were a ridiculous size! We obviously eat a bit more for that meal and told her she didn’t need to fill her plate and only take what she wanted but she definitely changed the atmosphere with her comments.

Original poster

LiveLaughLoaf · 02/09/2022 19:17

Ah Rilo, so sorry for your loss 💐I did give her a massive hug and told her I loved her when we left.

OP posts:

Pallisers · 02/09/2022 19:17

Yes, unless she is a 58 year old grandmother it could be related to her age. My own mum. lost her appetitie in her late 70s. She couldn't face a lot of food. It was a bit funny actually because what she did was steal bits of my dad's dinner instead of making her own. So where for years they'd have had dinner of a small piece of steak for her, a bigger piece for him, potatoes and veg, now she cooked one piece of steak and took a bit off the end of his for hers. My dad, who ate very healthily and whose weight had never varied in his entire adult life, lost 10 pounds and was worried. It was dh pointed out to him that 10 percent of his food was being eaten by mum! her fork was actually hovering over dad's plate as he pointed this out.

Original poster

LiveLaughLoaf · 02/09/2022 19:19

Luckily we’ve got a good relationship so I can say Give over! I think she worries about waste a lot, but with two hungry DGCs she needn’t!

OP posts:

Original poster

LiveLaughLoaf · 02/09/2022 19:21

Pallisers · 02/09/2022 19:17

Yes, unless she is a 58 year old grandmother it could be related to her age. My own mum. lost her appetitie in her late 70s. She couldn't face a lot of food. It was a bit funny actually because what she did was steal bits of my dad's dinner instead of making her own. So where for years they'd have had dinner of a small piece of steak for her, a bigger piece for him, potatoes and veg, now she cooked one piece of steak and took a bit off the end of his for hers. My dad, who ate very healthily and whose weight had never varied in his entire adult life, lost 10 pounds and was worried. It was dh pointed out to him that 10 percent of his food was being eaten by mum! her fork was actually hovering over dad's plate as he pointed this out.

Your poor Dad! Sweet that he didn’t mind he sharing though :)

OP posts:

PollyCreo · 02/09/2022 19:21

My mum (80) eats her set meals every day (boring, bland food) and gets annoyed with my dad if he has a dessert. Yet when they stay with me she'll wolf down all my tasty food, ask for seconds and practically lick her plate clean 😅

dontgobaconmyheart · 02/09/2022 19:31

If that's her biggest failing I'd have to suck it up OP, and feel fortunate with it! I'm with your DM anyway; portions these days compared to what a 'portion' actually should be for the purposes of a balanced diet are huge. I think some people are just used to seeing them, perhaps she doesn't eat out often.

I'm mid thirties with no grandparents (all passed away years ago) and a DM who I cut contact with years ago as a result of her emotionally abusive behaviour. I don't have any other in-laws or family. She sounds lovely and like you've struck gold to me. Give her a pass, I'm sure she isn't associating the things she's saying with anyone else's weight, just saying it's a lot vs her usual portion at home.

latetothefisting · 02/09/2022 19:37

My gran got like this - mum is definitely eating less too but isn't yet at the commenting about other people's portions stage. Every time we went out for lunch with my gran I'd comment about ordering a panini 'What, to yourself?!?!?!'
yes, that is the standard portion size. She'd want to share one between 3! Combined with her own tiny portion sizes and also the lack of giving a fuck that also comes with age taking her to a sunday lunch carvery was very stressful - she kept commenting VERY LOUDLY on the plates of everyone walking past, and their weight....never again.

Original poster

LiveLaughLoaf · 02/09/2022 19:38

dontgobaconmyheart · 02/09/2022 19:31

If that's her biggest failing I'd have to suck it up OP, and feel fortunate with it! I'm with your DM anyway; portions these days compared to what a 'portion' actually should be for the purposes of a balanced diet are huge. I think some people are just used to seeing them, perhaps she doesn't eat out often.

I'm mid thirties with no grandparents (all passed away years ago) and a DM who I cut contact with years ago as a result of her emotionally abusive behaviour. I don't have any other in-laws or family. She sounds lovely and like you've struck gold to me. Give her a pass, I'm sure she isn't associating the things she's saying with anyone else's weight, just saying it's a lot vs her usual portion at home.

Yes I know I’m fortunate, she is a lovely mum and Grandma. Stories on here of people having to go NC with parents for their own mental health and well being make me appreciate her all the more. Well done for putting yourself first.

OP posts:

Original poster

LiveLaughLoaf · 02/09/2022 19:41

latetothefisting · 02/09/2022 19:37

My gran got like this - mum is definitely eating less too but isn't yet at the commenting about other people's portions stage. Every time we went out for lunch with my gran I'd comment about ordering a panini 'What, to yourself?!?!?!'
yes, that is the standard portion size. She'd want to share one between 3! Combined with her own tiny portion sizes and also the lack of giving a fuck that also comes with age taking her to a sunday lunch carvery was very stressful - she kept commenting VERY LOUDLY on the plates of everyone walking past, and their weight....never again.

Fortunately not commentating on other peoples portions, or even ours really, just her own! She would never deliberately try and make me feel bad, I think it’s my own inner piggie doing that!

OP posts:

Neverfullycharged · 02/09/2022 19:44

Its really unfair to try to make the OP feel bad because your mum was worse or your mum is no longer around. That’s not her fault or problem.

Pawpatrolwereonaroll · 02/09/2022 19:44

latetothefisting · 02/09/2022 19:37

My gran got like this - mum is definitely eating less too but isn't yet at the commenting about other people's portions stage. Every time we went out for lunch with my gran I'd comment about ordering a panini 'What, to yourself?!?!?!'
yes, that is the standard portion size. She'd want to share one between 3! Combined with her own tiny portion sizes and also the lack of giving a fuck that also comes with age taking her to a sunday lunch carvery was very stressful - she kept commenting VERY LOUDLY on the plates of everyone walking past, and their weight....never again.

😆

Luredbyapomegranate · 02/09/2022 19:50

Just make a joke of it if you can.

Or if it's really getting to you, explain why and ask her to knock it off.

WorriedMillie · 02/09/2022 19:54

MIL is the same, except she doesn’t hesitate to comment on what everyone else is eating too 🧐🧐

Minimalme · 02/09/2022 20:01

There was a thread on here a few years ago about exactly this op - some of the examples were hilarious!

My Gran used to insist on half a cup of tea. Practically impossibly to make up so way easier to just pour half of it away before it was served. When she ate fish and chips out, she used to go on and on about how she'd have a child's portion, as though some fish were cooked in half. Then she would eat six slices of bread and butter with chips in!

My Father in law is a competitive eater and always stealing other peoples food. He also will ask for a child's portion and comment on 'how much' dh eats. My poor dh has a total complex around being viewed as greedy. FiL is a dick, as was my Gran.

You Mum sounds lovely but that would get on my nerves after a week!

Lovesplasticstraws · 02/09/2022 20:03

@Neverfullycharged
Very well said. Can have a gentle conversation about relatives without wheeling out the "but mine's dead" comments.

GrannyAchingsShepherdsHut · 02/09/2022 20:03

My DGM (1) was brilliant with this - she'd say 'oh, I don't eat much now I'm older dear, I just can't anymore' and then eat 3x as much as anyone else. Most memorably she said this having just eaten a whole duck with roast potatoes and veg. It was hilarious! She also took the ribbing we gave her about it with very good humour! And was delighted to see people enjoying a meal, big portions, whatever they wanted was unremarkable.

DGM (2) is the opposite. She's very elderly, eats next to nothing, and thinks everyone else should do the same. Bizarre as she always used to host Xmas and stuff everyone fuller than the turkey!

DWMoosmum · 02/09/2022 20:16

52 year old here. I've never had much of an appetite but given an option I always have a Childs portion as other posters are right, your appetite definitely wanes as you get older, also in menopause most things make you feel sick, so smaller portions are the only way. Don't be upset with her, a lot of the time it's just general passing comments. I'm sure as my hubby was tucking into fish and chips in Padstow I mentioned it looked like he was eating a whale, I don't mean it to be rude, it's just me being silly.

Neverfullycharged · 02/09/2022 20:22

I mentioned it looked like he was eating a whale, I don't mean it to be rude

Well, you obviously know your relationship better than we do, but that actually is quite rude.

CandyLeBonBon · 02/09/2022 20:24

Rilo · 02/09/2022 19:11

My mum died a while ago. I’d give anything to share a scone and some fish & chips with her and let her make me feel fat. Give yours a hug and tell her you love her

People are allowed to feel
How they feel without being shut down because of someone else's experience. I'm sorry for your loss. I'm fairly sure op DOES love her mum but your loss doesn't mean she can't experience her own feelings.