Was your toddler a bolter? Please help me

[83DanishMum]

My son is 2 and 2 months. He's always been a total live wire. Even when he was only crawling and then once he could walk. Wherever you take him he wants to touch literally everything. Even in a safe space like a soft play he will go round and play with everything then start playing with the doors, the fire extinguisher, the light switches, other peoples bags and so on. I adore him obviously but it's exhausting looking after him. I see other toddlers sitting playing nicely with their mummies and I'm envious!

When going out I take the buggy and he also has a little backpack with a lead. We live in a city and without that on there is no way I could let him run about freely as he would just run into the road.

He gets so frustrated as he dearly wants to run freely everywhere which I completely get. I try to find spaces where I can let him run freely but it's not that easy. Even in the park he will bolt to to road and I have to run after him. At soft play he gets bored and finds the exit and bolts out trying to run around the outside area.

There's a public garden near us which is nice and safe for him to run in but he's become bored as we go there so often that now he just runs straight back out the gate and wants to go home. He will get really upset if I try to get him to walk in there.

He's so easily frustrated if he can't do exactly what he wants, eg play with closing an iron gate where I worry he will get his fingers trapped, or run towards the car park. I am quite good at managing tantrums but I don't like to see him so upset all the time, and besides it's exhausting.

I take him on nature walks in new areas as often as possible but it's not do-able everyday. If I need to pop to the shop or something I can't let him out of his buggy as he would just grab everything in the shop! If I go to a playground he just wants to escape out of the gate.

We only have a tiny balcony garden so not much space. I try to vary and set up toys differently at home but he's so bored of all his toys. I was thinking of using a toy library to try and refresh them.

We tried Sunday toddler football but he kept running off to the other edge of the park!

He's at nursery 4 mornings and so it's the afternoons I need to fill. I have resorted to tv for longer than I would like as I feel exhausted

Has anyone ever had a bolter like my son? How do you keep him engaged? Please help! 🙏

Yup, my DS was like this and would also climb anything he could. Nursery had a nightmare as he'd keep opening the fire exit door and head outside (tall and strong). I found distraction was a good technique, try to head him off before he realised he could run/escape/climb. Consistent boundaries as well.

Good luck!!

Dd was a bolter. Its a phase and it will pass, I have no solutions but you have my sympathy.

Also keep on (and on and on) reinforcing the rules you really really want him to get eg we walk nicely in the car park holding mummy’s hand then we can run as much as we like inside the park.
we always stop at the gate and wait for mummy.
my 6yo still runs I’m afraid.

Could you get one of those bikes with the handle that you push? He might be a bit more content to sit in that for a bit than a pushchair if he thinks he’s riding it?

Balance bikes are great at this age. Keep him on it wherever you go.

Thanks. He's got a mini micro scooter but often wants to push it rather than ride it and then gets frustrated! We were thinking of swapping it to a balance bike at Xmas.

Also it's so hard as I need to be ready to grab him / stop him running into cars at all times so I need some hands free. I'm forever abandoning the buggy and sprinting after him.

Make sure you get one with proper tyres, not the hard wheels. With the bike he will have to learn about safety and trust and it may be worth the trade off for him as he will love it. My son was a runner but he absolutely changed with the balance bike. You have to let him fall off, learn about what he can and can't do. Let him take responsibility for himself (obviously in a safe place first) and to be honest, I would regularly dip out of my sons sight if he went off, and from then on he mlearnt to keep watching me and where I was.

Following with interest. My daughter is 21 months and similar - she also finds her pushchair very upsetting; reins aren't really a thing where I live either. We are thinking of trying a balance bike, but she already has a tricycle type thing that she's not so interested in so unsure whether the balance bike would be much better!

I know it sounds bad, but really try not to be upset by his frustration, his life is more important than his wish to be free to do as he chooses. Things will become easier when he has the mental capacity to better understand the environment around him, but this takes time.
It's our job to do the best we can with our children so they can manage the world they live in, not to prevent them from ever feeling cross, sad or frustrated.

Another vote for balance bike and keep him in proper old school reins (rather than the pack pack type) whilst he's on it. That way you've got a literal handle on him whilst he's next to roads etc but you can tuck them in and he can free range in the park or wherever.

You sound like a lovely mum!
I used old fashioned reins. If they keep your child safe, don't let anyone knock you for it.

Reins, reins, reins.

My grandson is a bolter his mum bought the arm to arm restraint. Daddy opened the bin and found them. Grandson had dumped them there. He's so cute if terrifying 😂🤩😂

My daughter is like this so you have my sympathies! She's constantly onto the next thing, she can sit quietly on the sofa for about 10 seconds before she's seeing if she can climb it, she shins up everything. Was going up the stairs (supervised!) before she could crawl properly. I have a pic of her at 13 months standing on the coffee table reaching for the patio door handle. It is exhausting! She also won't tolerate a pushchair. Do you have a garden or any outside space? Sorry if I've missed that in your OP, v tired today!

Could you take him swimming some afternoons to spash about?

Are there any dog parks/sports parks or play areas with taller, child proof gates on?

Reins reins and reins and ignore anyone who glares are you when you have them dangling in the air screaming because you've moved them from the latest place they've got their fingers into. It's a horrible painful phase and it can be a long one but it will pass. My eldest ran everywhere, touched everything, climbed all over the place, emptied every cupboard and bookshelf and switched off every single gadget. He did grow out of it!

Mine! I lost him in so many places!

Never, ever lost DS2 or any foster tots ever, but DS1 was like greased lightening!

It does pass.
What helped mine was giving him as much independence as possible. He wouldn't hold hands, for example, but he would walk right next to me. He would walk ahead, when he was a little older, but had to stop at every lamppost and every corner.

Lots and lots of built in structure, like above. Count the steps, count the trees, count the clouds- basically keep him ferociously busy.

Push along toys helped too- we had a duck on a stick that he took for a walk. It slowed him down, and signalled to me which direction he was about to head off in!
A ball that he can kick and roll as he goes. Bubble wands.

Oh and we had games-
he had to listen for instructions, a bit like Simon Says.
Mummy says 'hop', tiny steps, big steps, frog jumps, backwards etc.
Call out a colour- red=stop, green =go, amber= jump on the spot.
Use words beginning with Ssssss 'ssssausages! Sssscissors! Ssssnake! Ssssstop!'.

Basically all the stuff to get him to pay attention and keep an eye on you and busy his brain.

It's exhausting!

Reins.

I had a bolter. My dc would run into the road in a second, had absolutely no sense at all. Because he was a baby. By the time he turned 3 he understood that cars could hurt him and he needed to stay close to mummy. But for about 6 months I had to have him on reins.

Definitely reins.

I may have bought an extension lead to clip on to the reins to allow more freedom of movement without loosing him completely... 😂

DS2 was the child who climbed to the top of the net on the outside of the playframe at softplay 🤦‍♀️

They do grow out of it. He still has a penchant for monkey bars though.

My son was like this. He is three now and rarely does it. Just to give you hope to at it will pass. We used a backpack with lead too which helped a lot. And I had to run (fast) a lot, to grab hold of him 😂.

Would tiring him out help? Swimming, some kind of tumble classes?

My DD was like this, she had delayed speech but walked at 11 months and from then onwards ran everywhere, screamed if she couldn't run and climbed the furniture, escaped from toddler groups, she'd be the only one climbing out of the baby swim class to run off across the wet floor instead of bobbing about in the water like all the other toddlers. Thankfully they do grow out of it, I think she was around 3 years old, maybe 3.5y when we stopped needing reigns. We went with the backpacks on a lead reigns too. We had two different ones and let her choose which one, and a little toy or snack to carry in it so she was more keen to wear it, but we made it clear if she doesn't wear it then she's strapped in the pushchair. It's such hard work though, your post is bringing back stressful memories! She's 10 now and very sensible, but very sporty.

Cast iron boundaries, so if he ran off, we'd leave. Also clear instructions, stay inside xyz physical boundary, so a hedge or fence at the park, this side of that bush. Getting out the car, we'd make him stand with both hands on the car, while we were getting shopping out or the car seat, or whatever, and keep reinforcing, so he didn't lose focus, and then reward for doing it.

You have my sympathies, when I had my second, who wasn't a bolter, it took me ages to relax enough to let her do anything without me watching her like a hawk 😂I was so freaked out that we could walk along the road and I didn't have to tightly hold her hand and she'd just bumble along next to me.

You have my sympathy. DS is exactly the same and at soft play will play for a bit then starts running for the exit/ the staff kitchen etc. it’s exhausting and it does feel like nobody else’s child does it but yours.
My son is now 2.8 and improving very slightly. I think it just takes time and as pp have said it’s just a phase and with age comes better understanding of dangers.
In the meantime safety first and use the pushchair and reins if you need to. DS is big and tall for his age and I feel like people look at him as though he shouldn’t be in a pushchair but if he wasn’t we would never get to the shops, do shopping (he’d be running riot pulling things from shelves) and back safely. We do practice so if I have just one shop to go to and can drive there I let him walk round holding my hand but he does still try to escape and run riot.
Tried the distraction technique and balance bike with DS but it didn’t work for him as he has such a short attention span he just gets off the bike and runs away 🙈
You should like you’re doing the right thing letting him run off some energy in safe places so keep going with it and it will improve slowly and with time!

I was a childminder for 15 years so not uncommon to see me doing the school run with a buggy and 2 toddlers in tow so I became a bit of a master with bolters over the years but 2 main things that worked best:

1. Anywhere busy, reins on or in the buggy unless I was absolutely confident they would hold the strap (mine all loved holding a side strap rather than the actual buggy or my hand) Lots of praise and keep up the chat so they are happy to be next to you and not wanting to explore. If we were somewhere safe I'd say they could walk without reins but run off then reins go back on or in the buggy. Absolutely non negotiable - this was purely from a safety POV as you can't leave a baby and other toddlers to run after a bolter! It does take time but as long as you are absolutely clear and follow through they catch on surprisingly quickly.

1. Play the stop / go game A LOT and praise every single win A LOT. The toddlers all absolutely loved this part of the day - we'd do it on the school run (so 4 times a day - yes it did get a bit tedious at time !) and incorporate silly things like - stop and pull a silly face or stop and tickle your tummy. Basically anything they enjoy but is teaching them to follow simple instructions and be rewarded/praised for listening. This also meant if we were out somewhere I wanted them to have some freedom but keep some control, I'd suggest the stop/go game and they'd happily oblige.

Good luck x

Reins. At all times.