Tips on how to manage ds's silly behaviour

[user14911026907]

I have two DC. One is almost 8 and the other will be 5 in Jan.

They get on brilliantly and we are very lucky. I obviously love them to bits but they can quite hard work and I think we need to take a different approach to the youngests behaviour but I'm not sure what.

So DC2 is currently 4 and he's just very very silly. Every time we ask him to do something he'll respond in a sing song manner 'ok dooodooo head' or 'ok Mrs silly socks'. We tell him off and give him time outs and tell him it's rude but he doesn't listen initially he just says it again until one us raises our voices and then he listens and goes in a time out. When he's in time outs he mucks around, singing or saying things like 'ok poo head' or spinning and hitting the wall. We reprimand him for this too but I don't think our approach with time outs is working.

When he is in the car he just talks absolute crap all the time. Sometimes toilet humour, sometimes just total random nonsense like 'i saw a golden eagle but it was flying backwards and going to Peppa pig land'. He will do this constantly, there is no break. He is looking for people to respond and laugh. We have tried to engage with him really positively as it's clear he wants attention but if I say something like 'what are you looking forward to tomorrow' or 'what shall we do when we get home' he either totally doesn't respond, just talks gibberish or says something stupid to try and get a response.

When he is with my almost 8 yo DS they just get so so so silly that quite honestly it's embarrassing. They will talk about poo/farts/toilet things really loudly and just explode into fits of giggles. ALL THE TIME. One of them will say something to the other that's just some random crap and it will escalate and they will end up repeating the same thing over and over to make each other laugh. They talk in silly baby voices and whispers. They constantly touch each other and won't stay still. Like I said they love each other but it's wearing.

I think I need to have a chat with DC1 about just being more mature and stopping when he feels things get too silly. He's absolutely fine on his own and doesn't have any issues at school bar one or two silly incidents. But it's obvious to me that he eggs his brother on and things wouldn't be so bad if he didn't respond.

It's obviously not just DC1's fault though as it's down to us ultimately to stop DC2 being silly and rude all the time but I don't know how. He doesn't have screens so we can't remove screen time. Time outs obviously don't work.

Any ideas for something that would work? I'm worried he will be silly, rude and disruptive when he starts school next week.

Ignore ignore ignore they will stop eventually. If they are doing it in situations where it is inappropriate thats one thing if they are just doing it in the house/the car with just you present then I would leave them to it. Learn to tune them out. Boys of that age are silly and obsessed with poo and farts and bums.

Ignore!! Just say ‘I’ll be ready to listen when you want to talk to me properly’ and disengage disengage. It sounds really normal though, can be bloody irritating but it’s all about learning social cues and acceptable chatter and yeah, a lot about attention and getting a reaction.

I would ignore it.
Pretty standard behaviour for the ages imo.

You sound a bit uptight OP. That’s just what little boys do, 4 year olds shouldn’t be punished with timeouts and things just for talking a bit of nonsense. Just ignore the poo chat, he’ll grow out of it. It sounds like they have a lot of fun together, I think that’s really nice.

Yep, that's boys for you! You're just lucky they're not fighting so you can (in theory) ignore it all. I know how you feel tho. I regularly send mine to another room/garden when I can't stand the noise any longer....argh!

Sounds normal for the age. I wouldn't time out fr something so minor. Agree with others ignore. If you're out and it goes too far ask them to stop. Warn them again. Then action- depends where you are but go home/ stop activity etc. They're not listening to you so both have chosen to end the activity. I've only done this once ( mine same ages) they were shocked we went home- they listen every time now!

Does anyone remember ‘Pee Po Belly Bum Drawers’ by Flanders and Swann? Kids always do this, and have been since time immemorial. They do eventually grow out of it.

I don't know why people are (so far) saying tha this isn't worth addressing. No it isn't normal to do this ALL THE TIME.

Occasionally, yes. But not without stopping, and in answer to everything.

Oh my god, just laugh! Be silly back. Call him funny names. Engage. Why on earth are you doing time outs?

This is standard boy behaviour. My youngest is 15 and sometimes still extremely silly and says stupid things.

You've got a long hard road ahead of this is making you clench so much

I have 3 DSes. They all went through phases of this. The things that helped it move along and get out of their systems was : ignoring and refusing to engage, distracting older siblings if they started to get dragged in by talking about something they loved and so they would snap back to their more mature selves and therefore ignore the joker. If it got too wild we would send the joker to the toilet. They were allowed to use as many potty words as they wanted in the toilet/bathroom, but not if they were just generally around. Day one usually had them in and out of the bathrooms like boomerangs, but it worked after a couple of days.

It’s not what all boys do, I have 3 ds, we didn’t have any of that.

When your youngest starts the silly talk, I would literally blank him as though he wasn’t there. Don’t respond, don’t engage, don’t even look at him. I would even talk over him, put music on, turn up the Tv.

Yes talk to your eldest, ask him to help you to help his little brother to stop being silly. If they both start and won’t stop then remove them from wherever they are, out of the room, out of the shop/cafe/ play park.

They will soon get bored.

If it makes you feel feel any better my 11yr and 4yr old are exactly the same. Except the youngest is a girl which makes it slightly more embarrassing as girls just typically don't talk like that, but she's picked up loads of horrible habits from my son ( I'm sure he has adhd). I'm hoping when she goes to reception she'll calm down and learn what's acceptable because she isn't listening to me! I find it so infuriating and embarrassing

I agree with the blank ignore and if it gets to utterly silly then a withering 'stop being a prat' . Giving them 'the look ' should be be enough to stop them in their tracks. Whilst it seems to be a 'thing' with some little boys in particular I just wouldn't entertain it in public.

I think you need to chill out a bit.

When appropriate engage with him. Call him a silly name. Ask him why the Eagle is going to Peppa Pig land or say you saw it too and it was definitely wearing wellies ! Meet him where he is rather than trying to force a conversation that interests you.

You'll then be able to teach him when it's appropriate to be silly and funny and make up stories and when it isn't. You can say we be silly and funny in the car, but when we get to X we need to calm down and be a bit more sensible.

Putting him in timeout for being a cheeky, silly 4 year old is ridiculous.

The only part of the replies I find shocking is the amount of PP attributing this behaviour to the fact that you have sons rather than daughters! My eldest is 4 and a girl and loves toilet humour etc and her friends are all pretty much the same and most of her friends are also girls! We mostly just ignore it, I only tell her off and explain its rude if e.g. it's at the dinner table, or if she says something rude or silly to e.g. another adult or something (all of which is rare now as she's started to cotton on to the rules/what is and isn't appropriate behaviour).

The time ours are rewarding the behaviour. I would ignore at home, just walk away, don't say anything. In the car is just ignore and turn up the radio. Make it talk radio so they don't think it's a party. Moneybox on radio 4 would be perfect.

This is just normal behaviour, particularly for boys of that age (or any age)

A whole Carry On film series was based on toilet and silly humour, dont knock it

My boys can be extremely silly together. If we're at home I just send them into the garden to get the sillies out. If we're out and about then I do expect the older one to set a good example, and he mostly does - but often he needs some extra responsibility e.g. there was a lot of silliness in the supermarket one day which I'm not ok with, but when I gave them the job of finding certain foods etc they got on with that.

In terms of your younger boy not doing what you ask, obviously the time outs aren't working so why not meet him where it is and make it into a game? Races always go down well here or just silly things like 'oh no, the floor's turning to lava, quick pick up the toys and put them away before they get sucked in'.

Toilet humour: when we’re at home, I’ll keep a steady voice and say “not polite”, but otherwise ignore. If they start in public, I just need to give them “the look” and they usually stop.

Random silly stories that go on without end: honestly, I love them! I try to engage and ask as many silly questions as possible. “What is the eagle going to do at Peppa Pig Land? I wish I could fly backwards… if you could, where would you fly? What would it feel like to fly upside down?” I think this is how kids learn conversation, and it’s fun!

These replies are really helpful thank you. Sometimes you need to write it down to see the wood for the trees.

I appreciate that I am possibly a bit uptight and will definitely try ignoring it and rewarding my eldest for ignoring the worst of the rudeness. I know he's doing it all for attention.

It's beyond usual though to an extent having spent time with his peers I can see this. He is very similar to a good friend of his who is definitely what many on here would describe as 'naughty'. Not a bad kid at all but he's hard work, cheeky, rude and very boisterous.

It's in places like shops and public spaces that are the hardest. I feel I can't take them to the supermarket as they just dick about, touching everything, shouting loudly. I promise you'd notice them if they were in your shop and you'd judge me. I wanted to buy some sandals for my birthday the other day. There was no queue in the shop, we had been in town for maybe 10 minutes and only to one or two shops before. When I was waiting for the guy to bring the shoes out they were shoving each other, laughing, the youngest was rolling around on the floor! I needed to be in the shop around 5 mins and they just were vile the whole time. I told them to stop and they didn't! I did in this instance reprimand them both and took away the oldest screens for the day as he knew better. You honestly can't say that's appropriate or ok behaviour for an almost 5 and 8 year old! I feel I cannot take them anywhere that involves even the shortest of waits. Taking them out for anything more than a coffee is a nightmare. Friends invite us out for Sunday lunches at pubs quite regularly and I just can't think of anything worse. Paying loads of money to have my kids embarrass me in public! Their kids are fine and just your normal level of fidgety and giggly. Mine just have no off button, don't know when to stop socially and won't stop when I ask them to!

And I know it's not just boys either, some children and just sillier than others!!

Hmmm after reading your update I do think they need some firm boundaries, that actually sounds pretty disrespectful.

And what is their dad doing to help address the behaviour? Are you both on the same page?

I think its really hard but in public, like the shoe shop example, you have to take action straight away, its not enough to say 'if you dont stop no screens later' or equivalent

You have to literally take their hands and march out of the shop and go home, in silence, ignoring any silly comments or crying or wailing or arguing.

That will inconvenience you and thats why most parents dont do this and put up with stuff that they then later complain about! But you have to act immediately that they have carried on despite telling them fo rthe 3rd time and after warnings.

Then you just go, go home, no debate.

In fairness that is what we did as soon as I had my shoes. They seem to have a very short term memory but maybe sticking with it a few times will make a difference.

Their dad works full time and I am a SAHM so it's always more down to me as they are with me more. But he's totally supportive and wants to help the little one in particular as he finds it frustrating when they don't stop when asked in the car - we were in a new city last weekend and he needed to focus and listen to the directions but the 4yo just would not stop. We are both very much on the same page and have both agreed that time outs and current methods don't work at all!!

The eldest is definitely a bit disrespectful at times but does stop when asked with the toilet humour and doesn't call us silly names. He just eggs his brother on! I'm not sure the 4yo realises he's being disrespectful but he definitely is. I dont think he understands rudeness quite yet?

At nearly 5 he will know rudeness is calling name- if not tell him to not call anyone names- thats never going to help him in life-explain it hurts your feelings and makes you sad!

I agree firm boundaries for both of them. Sticker reward charts for doing things rather than things taken off them. Time outs after toddler years I disagree work at all. So what do they get if they behaviour as you want now? Do they know how you want them to behave? Ckear boundaries & expectations. Literally say. " We are going into a shop for 10 minutes max. I expect you both to stay on you feet, next to me, no shouting etc. If this happens you will be able to go to playground/ watch TV etc. Bribbery! Go overboard on praise if one or both do as told first time etc. Its exhausting but sounds like they have no respect for either of you at moment.

My child know if I stop and stand still- unnervingly and give them a look- after they've been messing too much they're over stepped! My ds is 5. He knows not to call anyone names as this is rude and hurtful.
Perfect a mum look. Expect an apology for disrespect behaviour. Explain that you were upset/embarrassed by their behaviour. Make sure they know what is expected and consequences if not.