Tips on how to manage ds's silly behaviour

[user14911026907]

I have two DC. One is almost 8 and the other will be 5 in Jan.

They get on brilliantly and we are very lucky. I obviously love them to bits but they can quite hard work and I think we need to take a different approach to the youngests behaviour but I'm not sure what.

So DC2 is currently 4 and he's just very very silly. Every time we ask him to do something he'll respond in a sing song manner 'ok dooodooo head' or 'ok Mrs silly socks'. We tell him off and give him time outs and tell him it's rude but he doesn't listen initially he just says it again until one us raises our voices and then he listens and goes in a time out. When he's in time outs he mucks around, singing or saying things like 'ok poo head' or spinning and hitting the wall. We reprimand him for this too but I don't think our approach with time outs is working.

When he is in the car he just talks absolute crap all the time. Sometimes toilet humour, sometimes just total random nonsense like 'i saw a golden eagle but it was flying backwards and going to Peppa pig land'. He will do this constantly, there is no break. He is looking for people to respond and laugh. We have tried to engage with him really positively as it's clear he wants attention but if I say something like 'what are you looking forward to tomorrow' or 'what shall we do when we get home' he either totally doesn't respond, just talks gibberish or says something stupid to try and get a response.

When he is with my almost 8 yo DS they just get so so so silly that quite honestly it's embarrassing. They will talk about poo/farts/toilet things really loudly and just explode into fits of giggles. ALL THE TIME. One of them will say something to the other that's just some random crap and it will escalate and they will end up repeating the same thing over and over to make each other laugh. They talk in silly baby voices and whispers. They constantly touch each other and won't stay still. Like I said they love each other but it's wearing.

I think I need to have a chat with DC1 about just being more mature and stopping when he feels things get too silly. He's absolutely fine on his own and doesn't have any issues at school bar one or two silly incidents. But it's obvious to me that he eggs his brother on and things wouldn't be so bad if he didn't respond.

It's obviously not just DC1's fault though as it's down to us ultimately to stop DC2 being silly and rude all the time but I don't know how. He doesn't have screens so we can't remove screen time. Time outs obviously don't work.

Any ideas for something that would work? I'm worried he will be silly, rude and disruptive when he starts school next week.

It is really really hard, but you have to take action the minute they have gone past your warning, so 3 warnings and its over, middle of shop or not. Shoes just being brought out from the stock room or not. Halfway through paying for something or not.

It will be diluted by saying this is going to happen and then it doesnt happen for 10 mins or so.

Obviously you need to pick your timing, dont threaten to go home 'right now' if you've got another half hour on the train before the next stop!!!!

Is your 4 year old at school or nursery? Does he behave like this to the staff? If not then he knows what he’s doing!

@MissyB1 he was at nursery yes, and no issues there. It's just with me, his dad and the grandparents. I honestly think it's just for attention. He wants us to laugh at him. I think he finds it hard having an older brother who is particularly bright and articulate - he just can't express himself as well as his idol his older bro so he mucks around and is the 'clown' of the family.

I am so so lucky that they get along though and they really really do. I just need to get them working together a bit and being more respectful.

You have to put boundaries in place and sticki to them. There’s no way 5 and 8 year olds of either sex should be rolling around in a shop. If mine did that I’d go home and then I’d also remove the screens from them and they’d earn it back.

Chill out. At 4 my child lived as a cat for a few weeks, responded as a cat and did cat gestures, most especially in public.He’s in uni now, no strange cat behaviour at all. He sounds young for his age- let him be silly while he can. Don’t see it as a challenge to your authority or parenting. Appreciate him for who he is.be abuse it will pass.

Sorry, I am THAT poster. The shop scenario you described is my kids down to a T. The eldest is autistic. He doesn't understand the unspoken rules about behaving in public and I have to point out the obvious to him about how to behave when we're out.

Choose your battles and lower your expectations. When my kids jabber on with their nonsense, I just hear white noise now. I wouldn't use the naughty step for silly names, I'd call them a silly name back. You've also got to remember that shopping for a 4YO is boring as hell. I don't take my kids out shopping unless I'm buying something for them. I shop online or go on my own. Fancy restaurants are also boring for a 4YO. Again, if I want to meet up with friends, I go without my kids. Why make life hard for yourself by dragging them along to things they clearly hate?

Alternatively, it sounds like his family expect him to behave like an 8YO when he is only 4YO.

Just a word of warning- calling your child names back could get them into trouble in school as name calling is definitely frowned upon, I would nip that one in the bud now and end name calling . School will make a big difference to your youngest as that behaviour wouldn't be encouraged in a reception class and he will see lots of role models getting attention in other ways. He does sound young for his age.

If his birthday is in January then he’s not “almost 5” - he’s 4.5 and that’s a chunky difference at such a young age.

tbh it sounds like a combination of you being over the top with some things - punishing for silly talk is massively OTT, they’re young kids - means that they don’t take you seriously at times like in the shop.

Its very easy to get into a constant cycle of negativity, and really hard to get out of it.

You have used the phrase 'asked them' a lot in your posts OP. Parents also need to tell their children at times.

You say you are disappointed in their behaviour, why don't you set your expectation levels with them before you take them anywhere, say into a shop?

Something like, We are going into this shop for (explain purpose of visit) While we are in there I expect you to (explain standard of behaviour required like not touch things, don't shout to each other and don't roll around on the floor.)
Tell them, don't ask, this isn't negotiable, that if one of them does the things you've told them not to while they are in the shop, then you will immediately leave the shop and go home.

Right now, they don't know they shouldn't or can't behave just as they like in any place, because you've not explained that clearly enough for them. It's time for you as parents to let them know what you expect them to do and reinforce that just before you go into a shop or cafe or friend's house.

Initially keep the visits to different places very short, then once they know you will take them home if they don't comply, they'll work out for themselves that's it's easier to behave nicely than not.

I think most siblings get along and tbh this isn't what I would call normal behaviour.

I would stop asking and start telling and I wouldn't be blaming the older one either.

I can't stand silly behaviour though coz it's irritating.

My daughter gets easily distracted and will 'make her own entertainment' if we don't bring a raft of activities for her to do when out. At home we always make sure she has something engaging to do when I need quiet time or to occupied. She is autistic and very clever so needs a LOT of stimulation. This doesn't have to be very sophisticated. She spent 1 hour trying to work out how a Fischer price toy worked and half a day creating her own Pokémon cards.

You seem to have a case of perfectly normal behaviour on your hands.

Lighten up. This is what boys are like. You have years and years of this ahead of you. You'll wear yourself out if you continue to try to fight it.

When it comes to inability to behave as expected in shops though - this is not ok.

Give a pep talk. Describe the behaviour you want to see. Avoid a list of behaviour you don't want to see. Don't bring the boys on trips to buy footwear or clothing for you.

Poop talk and rowdy behaviour in shops or in the car are not equal, so I'm puzzled as to why you started the thread with the poop stuff. If you're always saying no to the boys for what is actually quite minor stuff it's very possible they're tuning you out when you try to stop something more sugnificant.

I’m with @mathanxiety and a couple of other PPs. You need to pick your battles. If you’re giving time outs for poo talk, then it begins to seem to them on an equal footing with ‘proper’ bad behaviour which (a) sends very confusing messages and (b) makes them feel like they can’t ever get a break so why should they try?

Figure out what you really, really care about, and what your age-appropriate expectations are, and focus on that.