It’s a split parenting one… this doesn’t feel fair but might be the only way.

[Tinydressedmouse]

STBEH wants the kids almost 50/50 despite not doing anything much when we were actually together.
I have been advised he will get it because he’s not a risk to them, he was just very uninvolved.
He is suggesting 3 nights 4 nights split but I think this sounds awful for the dc - how does that even work because the same parent ends up with the weekend?
currently he is only doing every other weekend. I’ve suggested he has an extra night at the weekend or even two nights. If two extra nights he’d have 8 nights a month but he wants 12.

The only way I can see it without it unsettling the children and causing a massive hassle for me eldest who has loads of school stuff and won’t manage with random nights here and there is that he has every weekend - Friday, Saturday, Sunday night.
Then they are back to me to sort for the weekdays and school. I work more or less full time too.
I don’t feel this is terribly fair but then it’s more about what it best for the dc than what is fair I guess.
or he does six nights and then I have eight - but my youngest is still quite little and it would be a long time I think.
None of it is ideal but what is the least worst option? I wouldn’t want to come and go and come and go as an adult, I don’t believe it to be good for most children.

For Christ sake, OP, surely this can't be real? I'm going to say some things that may sound harsh but it's because I really want to shore you up enough to wake up and shake off whatever is causing this hopeless, defeatist attitude.

I don't know whether he has done a number on you or whether someone else has caused you to have zero self-esteem or whether this is some sort of passive-aggressive determination to leave yourself in the worst possible position in order to underline what a shit your STBEH is, but PLEASE try to grab yourself a bit of gumption and stop making decisions that will completely unnecessarily leave yourself (and your children) with as little as possible. Try pretending you are some strong woman (real or imaginary) you admire. What would they do? What steps would they take? YOU CAN TAKE THOSE STEPS TOO. One foot in front of the other, one problem at a time. YOU CAN DO THIS.

Oh OP you will live to regret walking away with nothing.

Don’t do it. So many friends of my mums did it, they bitterly regretted it to a woman. How will you provide for your future? How will you give the kids a decent home? please see a solicitor. Stress will pass, giving up the money won’t.

As for the split - it’s quite common for 5O/50 not to work, so try one of the models above, and see what happens. Don’t give him all the weekends, it’s not in the kids interests to not have some weekends with you

Following

This.

We do week on week off.

DS11 is with me from after school one Monday until he goes to school the following Mon, then ex picks him up for his week with him.

DS has his own room in both places and has everything he needs in both homes.

Works well for us, DS loves it like this.

Op. Don't walk away with nothing. Don't be a fool. It already sounds difficult, so what's bit more difficulty?

Is he trying to make things smooth and painless? I suspect he isn't. So you stop trying to make things smooth and painless.

Get proper legal advice and sort all of it out in one go. Money, assets, pensions, childcare and maintenance.

Please get some proper help with this.

Is he avoiding maintenance?
Id call his bluff and say, that’s fine he can have them Monday to Thursday and you do Friday to Sunday.