How do I stop self destruction? Eating and diet related.

[Fanciedanamechange44]

I need to lose weight, everyday I have good intentions, then I boredom eat. I've just had toast with jam.
I used to binge eat but I'm managing that much better now, I just cannot stick to any sort of healthy eating. I feel as though I need to be 100% good about my eating, and if I fall off the wagon I lose all motivation to get back on it. The more weight I put on the more fed up I get and food is my comfort!
Any words of wisdom?

You need to keep it simple!

Intermittent fasting, i.e. 16:8
Cut out all rubbish foods - UPF, sugar, refined carbs
Base your diet on lean protein (chicken and fish) and LOTS of vegetables
Dairy (Greek yoghurt), fruits and healthy fat (EVOO) in moderation.

Exercise with dumbbells 5-6 times a week. Look up Caroline Girvan.

Just do it - it's a change in lifestyle, but it's eminently doable. Try it for a month and I bet that you'll feel infinitely better.

You say it’s boredom eating.
Why are you bored?
Do you work/have hobbies/a social life?

Full time job, busy social life, 2 kids to taxi around, dog to walk but it's those evenings in front of the telly!!

it's those evenings in front of the telly!!

No no no - that's when you have a date with Caroline Girvan!!!!!

Or, if that's too much of a shock to the system, try this:

🤗

I've struggled with the whole eating 100% perfectly, so that then the first time I crack under temptation, I figure I might as well eat everything in sight (and lots that I can't see, too)

Once my perfect approach cracks, it then takes me for ever to start back again, being kind to my self and eating really good, nutritious food. Seriously, years and years. I've wasted simply ages wondering why I do that to myself and trying to figure it all out.

More recently, I've tried instead to, just occasionally, eat something off plan. Really just to show myself that I can eat anything if I want to, but there are consequences. Although the world does not end, I feel better when I don't go off piste with my food choices.

The trick really does seem to be, to eat something I normally wouldn't eat, but not to gorge myself on it. Not to fully satisfy my appetite for eat, not to eat it until I have slaked my appetite for it. I get back on the waggon straight away, reminding myself this is how I choose to eat.

I know, I know ....

This is really how my mother taught me to eat. She was very clever finding a balance between good, healthy food and treats. When I lived under her regime, I was never overweight but I longed to be in control of my own eating and try some of the diets which were given so much coverage in magazines at the time.

As soon as I did have more control, first in sixth form then at Uni, I indulged my appetite to satiety, over and over again and yes, my weight crept up.

I still have a long way to go and have really appreciated the help I've had along the way. My life is certainly better, I am happier overall well I eat in a way that works for me.

Hope you find what works for you @Fanciedanamechange44

I love that people say keep it simple and then list off a huge complicated list of shit to do everyday.

Instead of fancying about worrying about what you can't do, look at what you CAN do. What exercise CAN you do, even if it's only 10 minutes a day? 10 minute walk in the evenings? 20 minute exercise video on YouTube in the evenings?

Again, stop worrying about stupid food rules. Work out your weight in pounds and times it by ten. Have that many calories a day. It probably won't be the 1200 calories everyone on MN tells you that you should eat. But it will be a sensible amount that means you can eat what you enjoy, not be starving by 7pm every night and gradually lose weight. Eat whatever you want within that calorie limit. I eat bread and sugar everyday and lose weight. Its great.

Make sure you get a sensible amount of sleep every night so you're not eating to keep you awake. And seriously, get a hobby to help you unwind in the evenings. Mine is exercising now but I also enjoy reading and playing Nintendo.

What's complicated about eating mostly lean protein and lots of vegetables?

I always have a melon or cantaloupe, plus the occasional mango, in the fridge, which satisfies most of my cravings for sweet things...

Add in a daily walk and a bit of exercise - sorted.

1. Don't buy anything you shouldn't be eating - when what you have in the house has gone, it's gone.
2. Aim for three meals a day and no snacking. Of course, you will want to snack - but it's an aim, not the law.
3. Have 'OK' snacks to hand - things you like but aren't full of fat and sugar.

I've spent the last two weeks doing 5:2, and while the lack of food is hard, what made the first week harder was the lack of eating. I felt so hungry, and I did eat quite a bit of fruit, but it's been getting easier.

It's great if you can diet, but it would be easier if you reduced the number of times you eat and try to increase the gaps before restricting quantities.

This is great advice thank you.
Trying to think what a typical 1500 calorie day would look like.

I'll tell you what it looks like. It looks like not enough.

I did a few days on one meal a day and very little else just to shock myself into realising what it felt like to be hungry. I used Myfitnesspal last week to keep me on the right track (1200 calories for me) and it was sobering just how many are in so little.

I've dieted on and off for the last twenty years, so I know all this stuff, but I kids myself about the quantities that are normal portions.

I am enjoying the podcast by Chris and xand van tulletin at the moment op, quite an eye opener about xands struggles with food and ultra processed food making us eat more. I think I am developing better habits god forbid from listening to it. I also have been watching Lucy lis more on YouTube and I like her down to earth common sense approach she lost tons of weight doing it her own way as isn’t as pretentious as many on there.

There are lots of 1500 calories meal plans to be found online, e.g.

www.eatingwell.com/article/287714/7-day-diet-meal-plan-to-lose-weight-1500-calories/

Ultimately, though, it is about educating yourself about nutrition, a bit of willpower and - very important - portion control. My post at 17.24 above summarizes the key aspects in a nutshell. (Though I forgot to mention lentils which, in moderation, are useful to combat carb cravings.)

I think it's really important to get on top of this before one hits the menopause as it gets so much more difficult. Little things like walking more, especially if wearing wrist or ankle weights, are helpful. Ideally, though, one needs to work out with weights to keep bones strong and healthy.

Once you get the hang of this, it'll become a way of life - and you'll be so glad you did this when you get older. I'm in my 60s and very fit - much fitter than many women half my age.

Do you work? A lot of employers have EAP providers now.

If not, a lot of counsellors are working for cheaper now they can do it remotely. Or as a PP said, go through your GP. There will be a waiting list but It's worth it.

I am most successful when I write down/ use an app to record everything I eat. You have to be honest with yourself. My fitness pal is a good free one for tracking calories. I’ve just gone back to SlimmingWorld because for me having a group of supportive people to be accountable to massively helps. They also share recipes and ideas that help- plus it’s relaxed and often funny. I know it’s not for everyone but the structure and no food is bad mentality - moderation and planning is key!

Honestly, I would seek a councillor.

You said it's comfort eating, I've done the same myself, the first 8months out of an abusive relationship and I lost 2.5 stone, then I started comfort eating after the euphoria faded at being free and the loneliness kicked in.

You need to get to the source of why you are eating things you don't want to, then it will be easy.

I don't "diet", I tweak a habit at a time.
Pick a simple "rule" and stick to it. If necessary you can add more as you get used to them.

For evening snacking, 16:8 would work well. Give yourself a simple mantra "the kitchen is closed after 7:30

I did this years ago - every most evenings I have a glass of wine, and when I was young and slim, would have a bag of crisps or two with it. Or maybe a piece of cheese. Or maybe that last piece of quiche in the fridge. Now, after dinner, I don't eat anything until lunchtime next day unless it's a banana mid morning. Years on, I don't think about food in the evenings unless I've only had a snack tea instead of dinner.

I'm losing weight ( I have a lot to lose) by strictly 3 meals a day and no snacking. By cutting out sugar/processed food I am enjoying real food and get full and stay full much sooner than if I eat sweet stuff.

I'm thinking about what I eat and making much healthier choices, sugar just seems to make me hungry.

Before focusing on what to eat focus on why you eat. You've mentioned boredom and comfort, so what could you do to aleviate the boredom or feel better without food being involved?

You said, "My motivation to exercise is just as rubbish.i go to the gym but don't really know what I'm doing". How could you solve that? PPs have mentioned having an induction at the gym. Is that a possibility?

Avoid all or nothing thinking eg "I binged on chocolate, my diet is a failure so I may as well give up eating healthily". Look at it as long term self-care behaviours, where the more you make better choices the fewer chances of making the "bad" ones. But accept that you will eat the "wrong" stuff from time to time and that it's unrealist to think you won't (especially the more restricitve your eating is).

I just wanted to share what I’ve learnt in the past year for the OP and anyone who finds this thread.

Firstly, calorie restricting to an extreme level just reinforces a binge/purge cycle: 1200 calories is what a child needs to live on. Grown adults shouldn’t be living on that. Have a look at reverse dieting to undo the damage restrictive dieting has done to your body and your mind.

If you can’t imagine yourself taking changes on and doing them for the rest of your life, sack it off. Seek out the fun and joy in adding healthy things to your life, not miserable restrictions. Think of it like: I want to ADD more protein, I want to ADD more fun activities, I want to ADD more time outdoors.

I have fallen in love with weight training but I couldn’t build muscle (weight training doesn’t make you jacked, it makes you lean and healthy) on the 1200 calorie diet I have been following (and failing at) for about a decade…!! After 6 months my body shape has changed, I’ve started to really appreciate food, had great nights out, stopped thinking of food as good or bad, and lost weight. I can do this forever, this is who I am now, and I enjoy it.

if you’re inspired and want to take a first step, I recommend following weight training folks on instagram for daily inspiration. You’ll soon see who is worth following and who is lying, if they’re in great shape and talking about sit ups and lettuce, that’s bullshit. If they’re talking about protein sources and lifting heavy weights, they’re likely legit.

The main thing is to stop buying it. If you don't do anything massively differently - keep eating the food you've got in your house - but stop buying any more then, over time, you will eat less sugar.

Don't buy any more jam. Don't buy any more biscuits or squash or crisps or cake. Carry on buying food and just don't buy the sugar any more. Don't go mad trying to find other snacks or making low carb cake or whatever.

Then stop buying bread, then rice, then pasta, then potatoes. Do it slowly like that and phase it out. If you have self destructive behaviours around dieting, don't diet. Don't go all in on a massive life change if you've done it ten times before and it's never worked. Just don't buy any more jam.

I think you need to set up a routine. Breakfast lunch amd evening ,eal and dont eat at random times. And nomeating adter evening meal. Cut right down on bread

We get 21 meals a week. They don't all need to be healthy, just the majority. So, instead of thinking 'oh god I've had toast and jam it's all wrecked. Think, I've had toast and jam for breakfast, so lunch could be soup/salad and dinner could be fish and veg. The very worst thing to do is to beat yourself up, that will just lower your self esteem even further, making it more difficult.

Thank you, this is all great advice. Apart from don't buy stuff cos I don't live alone so that's hard!
I'm now ill, the past 2 nights I've been awake feeling like I'm going to be sick. You know that horrible type of stomach ache you get when you're a kid.its very weird.

@Fanciedanamechange44 - it seems to me that you are generally run down...
I don't know whether this is due to personal or emotional issues, or a poor diet, feeling that you're in a bit if a rat, or something else.
Look after yourself, and I hope you'll feel better soon! 💐