Just so sad all the time

[TirednTearful]

I’m just so sad all the time at the moment and it’s ruining so much. It’s all connected to my work, my employer has been lying to me and is now trying to get rid of me (I’ve been there 12 years). I’m a professional higher earner, age 50. I can’t cope with the stress, manipulation and twisting of the truth. Today I tried to kill myself. My husband intervened in time. I don’t want to go into details. I’m already on antidepressants and don’t really know where to turn. I’m in such a state.

Hello OP, we are really sorry to hear you are feeling this way.
We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources.
You can also go to the Samaritans website, or email them on [email protected]. Support from other Mumsnetters is great but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek RL help and support as well.
Wishing you the very best 💐
MNHQ

Please get in touch with the above.

No job is worth your life. Leave the job ASAP

Leave you job and claim constructive dismissal. Forward any email evidence home first.

I'm glad your husband intervened @TirednTearful
No job is worth your life.
You need to take time off now to get better, look at being signed off sick and get support on how best to exit your job. It may be that you can claim constructive dismissal.
I left a job after being under severe stress and it was like an immediate weight lifting off my shoulder. Take control back for yourself and make your own plans when you are ready. Good luck.

I’ve put my heart and soul into this job and sacrificed so much. Now I’m being disposed of - not due to performance but for reasons I can’t go into, but they are very unfair. I’m so sad and upset. I just can’t see how to get past how I feel right now.

OP you shouldn’t feel like this because of a job. I’m 3 years younger than you and I’m dreading trying to re-enter the job market after a five year gap.
But one thing I did learn from a very close brush with death is that nothing work related is worth your happiness or your health.
You get one life!
Are you sure you don’t want to tell us what’s going on with work?
Many of us have been there..
Or ACAS?
I hope that you do take time off work and get some rest.

I can’t discuss it as I’ve signed an NDA.

It was like an out of body experience today. I was aware of my actions but detached at the same time. I can’t explain. I’m glad my husband was able to stop it. I just feel so broken now.

Very dear @TirednTearful , please know that, after every winter there is a spring. Things will get better, you will always feel the deep - and entirely justified - sorrow and loss you feel now.
For now, just hang on, getting through minute by minute, day by day. You are not broken - you are really worn-down and wounded - but you can heal.
It must hurt so much to have your employer treat you so dreadfully, particularly after all these years and having built a professional career. I am so sorry that you had to face their lies and mistreatment. But you are so much more than your job. You are SO PRECIOUS.
Sending you so much love and support. This is not the end. Hang on.

Oh @TirednTearful I'm so sorry and so glad you're still here. Workplace bullying is dreadful. You need to get signed off and some urgent support. Then quit.

A good friend of mine went through being constructively dismissed and ended up with PTSD. She took them to tribunal and got a big payout. It wasn't about the money. It was the vindication she needed. She had support from whistleblower organisations.

Urgently press pause. No job is worth this.

When my friend went through it, I saw lots of parallels with my experience in a n abusive marriage. You keep trying... The sense of injustice and trying to right the wrongs keeps you stuck.

FUCK THEM. Hug your husband and find a better life... You can do it.

OP, my employer fired me when I tried to return after maternity leave. I was 45.

It wasn't down to my performance, I'd been there for years and hit all my targets. It feels so unfair...BUT

I took my employer to a tribunal, I won, I found a new job and I am genuinely happier, and working with nicer people.

No job is worth risking your life. Please let someone help you xx

@TirednTearful it sounds as if you are going through a very very tough time.
Try not to look back and wish it away. You have made your own decisions in good faith and have done what has felt right at the time. Now you need to trust your instincts again - they are telling you this place is wrong and that you're hurt. So take time to heal yourself and to recover. Keep looking forward and keep sharing with your DH and others to get support.

@TirednTearful

take a deep breath. Make a plan. Gather your evidence. This is not your happy place. You will find it but you need to look after yourself first and foremost. It’s horrific what has happened to you, but you will heal. You will.

I know it seems like you can’t see a way out, but there is. Gather all the support you can from friends and family, from the links above, get out in the fresh air or sleep, do what you need to.

it must feel so unfair after all of your hard work. Gather your strength then fight back if you feel you need to. xx

Thank you everyone. I feel very scared after what happened today. I’ve let my work take over my life. I have a nine year old daughter. She doesn’t understand why I can’t stop crying tonight. She doesn’t know - she knows I have a work problem but obviously not the extent. I need to speak to my GP I feel my anti depressants aren’t working or I need a higher dose.

I'm an employment lawyer with a union background. OP, work can take everything from you including your sense of self. It can be absolutely wicked. Good people can do horrible hurtful things when they feel they are protecting an organisation.

It is not you. You is your daughter's mum. You is your husband's wife and the person you are when you have been most happy and will be again. Your job right now is to get this moment and to give yourself one month of recovery. Let everything else go for a month, and do whatever you need to seek self-care.

I promise you you will rebuild from here, but any settlement process is traumatic. You'll have been through the numb bit and have fought or been bullied to get you to this point. Now you're into the painful bit, but I promise you that it is upwards from here. Just give yourself time x

@TirednTearful, just wanted to check in to see how you are today? I have been thinking of you and want you to know you aren't alone.
As the previous poster said, you are so much more than your job - and I promise you that things will get better. Just keep holding on, minute by minute. Think of yourself in many years time, perhaps imagining yourself as a great grandmother, rocking in a rocking chair on a porch, looking out at your great grandchildren playing. Or whatever image works for you. Imagine yourself smiling, reflecting back at a life with many many moments of joy, love, and happiness. Know that all this horror and sadness that surrounds your job will be just one tiny chapter, near forgotten, in the richness that is your life. Hang on in there.

Thank you @Ruthietuthie it means a lot that others care. I’ve been so career focused I’ve gradually lost touch with so many friends, working late and skipping evenings out, so busy I’ve left messages I replied to for longer than is fair. I’ve let my job be my life and now I’m being sidelined and pushed out. My performance isn’t in question but my face doesn’t fit due to a difference of opinion relating to ethics and fairness. But I have to stand for what is morally right.

I just still feel so sad that it ends this way. I’m dreading tomorrow and what the new working week holds, but I know my life isn’t worth sacrificing. I can’t do that to my husband and daughter. I wasn’t thinking right but it scares me how I felt in that moment as I had no logical thought capacity.