DS's GF says her parents won't feed her! She's 16!

[TPML]

She seems a nice girl, quiet and sensible. She appears to have a difficult relationship with mum in particular. My DS says that her mum has now told her that she will no longer provide food and she needs to sort herself out. However, GF has no job, no pocket money, she finished GCSEs this summer. Her dad has been feeding her from time to time, but this appears to be against mum's wishes. Last time she was here we fed her and DS filled up a tupperware of food for her to take home. So what do I do, if anything? It might be true in which case it's abuse...or it could be teenage exaggeration and nonsense. WWYD?

Report it to social services

That's awful. Have you ever spoken with her parents before?

Does she just live with mum or does dad live with them too?

I could imagine my Dd saying this - what she means is that she has eaten all the snack food in the house and is refusing family meals so she can have money to buy more junk food. But obviously this may well not be the case here, so it’s worth reporting it.

She lives with both parents. I have never spoken to them, texted a couple of times, so no relationship IYKWIM.

Could your son go round there for the day and see what happens?

@Iusedtobedontcall That's one of my worries. She is a super fussy eater so having one myself, I can definitely imagine refusing to cook any more! But DS is adamant that's not what it is.

Does she look well cared for ie nice clean clothes,well groomed?Is she telling you this?If you are worried I would give her food if you can and find out more.There could be a reason why this is happening,is she returning to school next term if so contact the school or social services if not.

I reckon her mum is refusing to cook for her, not refusing to provide food. I’d send DS round for a day to check it out and then report if true.

I’d try and have a proper chat with her. If it’s true, obviously you can help her out with food but that doesn’t solve the issue. Your sons relationship with her may end, they’re only young, and I’d want to know she was ok if that happened. Is she planning on staying on at school? If so you could speak to the school. If not, you probably do need to report it.

I'd try and find out the truth. Anything you hear that a teenagers told another teenager about their parents probably isn't the whole story.

tricky. Unless you lnow more its hard to judge. For example my dd (16 and admitedly a still bit sad about her GCSE results today) proclaimed earlier "I'm so hungry, there's no food in this house." I had just had a £150 shopping order delivered this morning. What she actually meant was I had forgotten to buy any ready slated crips!

The other side of the story is needed.

I hope it's teenage drama rather than fact.

My teen has said this but he mean "Mum hasn't bought what I want to eat" /"Mum isn't getting a takeaway"/"I have to cook if I'm hungry"/"Mum hasn't read my mind and bought what I want to eat"

I would imagine her Mom is saying she is not cooking any more..maybe because it's the holidays and she wants a break. But hopefully she is still buying food.

Maybe the mum means for the daughter to cook her own meals at home? Rather than cook for her?

I would text the parents personally.

After what you have said about her being a fussy eater, I would hope that her DM has said, 'this is what I have cooked for us all to eat, and I'm not cooking anything different for you've . And because the DD is refusing to eat the family meal, she is claiming she is not being fed.

• you, not you've

My so s frequently complain there is no food in the house. What they actually mean is there is nothing they fancy eating, in other words no junk food

My sister did something like this and ended up moving in with her then boyfriend’s parents for a while. They must have thought my parents were awful, but it was all invented. That said, you can’t assume it’s invented so finding out more if you can is sensible.

I agree with this. It's far more likely they've had an argument about food and her mum has told her to sort it out for herself - meaning - plan your own meals and do your own bloody cooking.

If however she's refusing to buy any food or give her money to buy her own, that's a different matter.

Speak to the parents. She probably is bullshitting and it's just that her mum is refusing to pander to her fussy eating demands. But you won't know until you ask.

There will be another side that makes more sense OP. Super fussy will probably mean sort yourself out. Not you're banned from the kitchen.

I'd go as far to say tell teenage girl you're going to speak to her mother and find out what's going on, as what she's saying is alarming.

Ask her.

Ask her next time she's at yours for dinner whether she cooks her own meals at hers.

Don't interrogate her obviously - it can be part of a conversation about whether your DS should be cooking for the family once per week/ what a great cook he is an how he cooks for the family occasionally/ how he only cooks for himself if he doesn't like the planned meal... or whatever.

My teens all have to cook sometimes sue to parental working hours - we eat together once per day (whoever's home) but it's not always a parent who cooks. If one family meal has been cooked I don't "feed" them the other meal/ s but the fridge and cupboards and freezer are always fairly well stocked and they cook for themselves or make sandwiches or nag a sibling to give thdm half ...

"There's no food" usually means "there's no frozen ready made thing I can just shove in the oven without actually cooking" or "there's no chocolate and crisps".