DS's GF says her parents won't feed her! She's 16!

[TPML]

She seems a nice girl, quiet and sensible. She appears to have a difficult relationship with mum in particular. My DS says that her mum has now told her that she will no longer provide food and she needs to sort herself out. However, GF has no job, no pocket money, she finished GCSEs this summer. Her dad has been feeding her from time to time, but this appears to be against mum's wishes. Last time she was here we fed her and DS filled up a tupperware of food for her to take home. So what do I do, if anything? It might be true in which case it's abuse...or it could be teenage exaggeration and nonsense. WWYD?

@Marinamountainzoo Talking to the parents sounds so easy! But what to say that won't create further problems..if its abuse, then it puts her at risk. If not, she'll get a right earful and it could affect my son's relationship! Gah, just don't know. But yes, she does look fit and healthy and clean etc etc so erring on the side of pissed off teen...but will definitely monitor the situation.

I could believe that she is telling the truth and I could also believe that she is being liberal with the truth as well as I've dealt with teenagers in both situations.
There's plenty of parents that say that's it, your on your own" to their child at 16. We, at work, have helped by having them come to tea, make small parcels up for them etc.
There are others that are adamant they are not fed and when I ask them to tell me what happens at tea time in their house the story falls apart. I usually say " so your mum is dishing out tea, does she plate everyones up but then says ' not you, your not having any' and I gradually unpick whats actually going on. Often it is is something like they font like shepherds pie and that was on offer!

Agree with general consensus that you can take teenagers' comments about their parents with a big pinch of salt.

My kids regularly complain that there's no food in this house and that I don't cook them meals.

What they actually mean is that they have opened the fridge door and there isn't anything they immediately fancy that doesn't require more than 25 seconds prep time.

As for cooked meals, I will provide a cooked dinner to anyone who is present at set mealtimes but I don't provide a restaurant service to teens that turn up for food at random times of the day and night.

I am suspecting something similar here.

I had a friend at this exact age that told us this pretty much to the letter. She had an eating disorder. Her parents were lovely but not on the ball. She's in her forties now and still has an ED.

Tbf I can imagine my DD16 saying this and it means 'I didn't want to eat what mum cooked' or 'I am so fussy mum told me to sort myself out'

Does her mother mean that her dd just needs the make her own food, at 16 I was making all of my meals unless it was a group meal like a fry up or roast

Super fussy would piss me off tbh ,my son is nearly 16 and a bit fussy as in he likes what he likes ,normally we have plenty of food in ,but If it's a day before payday for example and he announces he's hungry ,I tell him to look in the freezer if there is nothing he fancies he goes without ,it doesn't mean i refuse to feed him.

How is she a super fussy eater?
I have a feeling my sympathies lie with the girl's mother, but you can't know whole story. Smile & be as generous as you comfortably can. She's old enough to solve her problems in many ways.

Yep I left my 18 year old at home overnight. She complained there was no food, there was everything she would need to make a couple of simple vegetarian meals, just no oven chips or chocolate!

Reminds me when DD had a playdate at ours. We are a French household and live in Sydney.
Her friend didn't like any of the food we had in the house. Kept asking for crisps, biscuits, we didn't have any, we had cake and crepes , but didn't want to try those. Asked for cereals, again, none present in the house. I offered bread, but she didn't want the homemade one, wanted toast, which we didn't have. I offered fruit, nope. Wanted juice, again, none present. Offered to squeeze a few oranges, again, refused.
In the end, it was a playdate, I gave up.

Later that evening , I received a raging text from the mom, on how I had let her child starve and when I explained I had offered dozens of options, she replied I should have gone in the car to buy something for her daughter.

There are fussy eaters and extreme fussy eaters. Maybe the mum has reached the " I give up" level.

What do you prepare for her when she comes over @TPML . Do you cook something special for her?

I spent 175 quid the other week. Dd 15 opened the freezer and declared there was nowt in to eat...
Teens only see fast food ime.
Uncooked items aren't real food...

Please do monitor the situation. We had a similar situation in that we discovered that our neighbour wouldn’t let one of his sons eat any of the food that he bought. Son was visiting mum at the weekend and bringing tubs of food home to see him through. Spoke with Safeguarding who suggested reporting it to Social Services.

This!

Monitor it. It could be exaggerating teen but I've seen it happen to a sixteen year old I slightly knew and it was hideous, and no-one would believe it of the parents. They just insisted that she was on her own at 16.