Porn - when does it stop being okay?

[crabwho]

I saw threads where women were called unreasonable for being upset that their partners watched porn and others where they were told to LTB.

Where do you draw the line?

My partner watches it everyday, for an hour or so a day, sometimes a couple of times a day.

He takes ages to finish when we have sex. Oral sex and handjobs can take from 45 mins to an hour for him to finish. Sometimes I can't do it and he finishes himself. He struggles to stay hard and he doesn't seem to enjoy it tbh. He often pushes me away (joking it off) and I feel so undesirable. When I initiate things and sit on his laps or try to pleasure him, I feel really embarrassed, he laughs it off, says it tickles, or that I'm hurting him, and goes back to watching TV or playing video games.
But at the same time, he always calls me pretty.

When we do have sex, it hurts because he doesn't take time with foreplay. And even when we do have sex, he still watches porn a couple of hours later.

Way too much. Your sex life sounds horrid. None of this is normal. I'm so sorry you're in this situation.

I would draw the line right now tbh.
He is making you/ expecting you to carry the burden of HIS addiction.

HE, by virtue of watching so much porn, has re-wired his brain and body to not feel desire and arousal within normal parameters. He has desensitised himself.

You deserve to feel loved, wanted and attractive by your partner. Your post sound like you are used, disregarded and tossed aside. It's incredibly sad and I feel very, very sorry for you.

Do you have children with this man?

I've just more of your posts.

Sex is NOT like acting. It's instinctive and exciting, nurturing and deeply intimate. Your partner has problems, frankly. And totally self-induced.

If you were my daughter, I'd be packing your bags for you. Cut ties my lovely, you are living a miserable existence and we only pass through this life once.

Coming from someone who's H has an ongoing porn addiction, the every day habit sounds very excessive to me but the replacement of contact with you rings alarm bells. The not being able to maintain an erection or get one, the shame you feel, the taking ages to come and only being able to do it himself are all red flags.

Ignore the comments of watching it with him, which is a perfectly fine suggestion in a healthy sexual relationship. You wouldn't drink with an alcoholic.

Ask him to go and speak to someone and just remember, it is nothing to do with you and this is no reflection on you whatsoever.

Hugs 💐

so many ‘no’s here

everyone has their own line with porn. As I’ve got older mine is 0. No porn. Ever. I appreciate that’s not the same as other peoples line.

But no fore play so sex hurts you? Absolutely no, not in a loving relationship.

asking you to ‘act’ like you enjoy it? (After 45 mins or so). Again absolutely no, not in a loving relationship.

there will always be times when one party wants to do something the other doesn’t. Sometimes it’s nice to try to get on the others wavelength (to experiment for example) but if there is any incompatibility then the person who doesn’t want to is the one who has the say.

I should have also said, if he has no interest in addressing this or remorse, get out. This will suck the life out of you and you deserve so much better.

Hope you're ok OP.

OP, I mean this kindly, but sometimes you are so close to the situation that you can't see the wood for the trees. You seriously need to get out of this relationship. You said that he is religious, yet is happy to watch animals and humans be abused. This is absolutely appalling. He is a very sick man and you cannot help him. Please listen to everyone and get out. You sound lovely, so move on and find someone who is not depraved. Personally, I would rather be alone. Out of interest, when you said he has been in trouble, in what way? Work? Police?

I was a virgin before meeting him so I don't have any previous experience sexually

You claimed to be a single mother in your other thread.

As an extra to this - a good relationship should make you feel good. This does not seem to tick that box one bit, so why are you still with him?

Very true ...

What the hell is wrong with you staying one minute with someone who gets off on watching animal abuse. That is so sick I have no words and I think anyone who stays with someone who is doing that is just as sick to be honest. You lost my sympathy right there

A decent human being would not treat anyone the way he is treating you. Also, it sounds as though he totally sucks in bed if he tells you sex is acting, you need to go on for ages, he does not do anything to make you feel good, etc.

I hope that you will stop blaming yourself for his faults. They are his, and his alone.

I think this could be a Wednesday Wind Up....

It's always wrong.
It's not a victimless activity.

It's an industry built on the abuse of women facing poverty, living with results of ace's or csa or addiction.

Your husband is a sleazebag.

His (or indeed anyone's ) orgasm is not worth the pain or degradation of the women involved.

And yes Even the women who say they're ok being involved in this "industry" it's a product of the patriarchy & there's a lot of damage & internalised misogyny

Porn is never OK. Women suffer to varying levels because of it, men have a warped view of sex and expectations, or fail to perform as it were because of overuse of one or both hands (to paraphrase).

This all started out very normal until beastailty was dropped in and left for us

And this vegan op with her crab pet gifted by a friend on another thread

I was going to say when it interferes with your sex life.