My son is aggressive.

[Fordv15]

I have written about my son before. So if it rings a bell that may be why.

Before it's asked yes we are waiting on CAMHS. Yes I do phone up regularly. No its not easy just to call and ask them to hurry up. Yes I'm in contact with Gp.

So my son has been with his sister for 2 days. Just because he wanted to they get on fine generally chill out ect all was fine. He's also been fine with me with general contact.

So he Came home got in at 10.30ish . He seemed fine said his sister was fine . And my grandson was fine. Tone was normal.

So now it's 10.50 he asked me what there is to eat . I told him to look in kitchen. He tells me there's nothing ( he's not looked) his tone being's quite aggressive. He's not shouting but its very aggressive. He's talking down to me in an awful way. I asked him what do you want me to do? He told me to order a food shop. I explained to him I was going to do this but since he moans about what I get I was waiting for him before I actually order. Again he started on me about what can he eat. I told him what ever he can find I'm the kitchen. He said yeah not proper food. I told him that I don't have a magic wound it's 10.50 at night.

As I said he was very aggressive and he was scaring me. My tone did changed it went heigh pitch because I was practically crying by this point. I told him Just to stop that he has no right to come in and start on me how he has he he started screaming /shouting at me . I can't remember the words he said. But he threw a box at me. He got hold of a fan went to throw that at me but changed his mind and threw it towards the TV. He then stormed out of the room went up to my room and trashed it . He's thrown all the drawers over the room and generally trashed it. He then Came back told me he hated ne them He left the house for about 30 min.

He came back went to his room its been kind of quite . He them came back down shouted to me something I did not hear and he left.

Sorry if it does not make much sense I'm typing whilst it feels very raw and emotional. So it might not make 100% sense.

I have reached out to social services before but they can't seem to do much. Because he's 15 there's nothing I can do.

That's the type of stuff I have/had. He went through a stage of pot noodles and them really cheap dry noodles. They are so easy to just have in the cupboard as back up. But he will tell me he don't like the curry ones anymore he only likes the chicken ones . Then he will say the opposite. When I said hes giving Me mixed messages he said sometimes he likes them sometimes he don't. He did go through a stage of the rustler burgers as well.

He wants proper food . By this he means fresh chicken, rice or spag bol something like that. I do have them things but they run out first .

It might be a mental health issue. My son had periods of aggression towards me when his mental health was poor.

Now that this is sorted he has completely and utterly changed. We can now talk about boundaries and how I felt about that behaviour. It would have been impossible at the time.

OP I understand that you are on the CAMHS waiting list. Make sure you escalate it if you feel you are unsafe including calling the police if necessary. Waiting lists can be jumped if the situation means it has to be. Ask for a social care assessment as well.

There is probably a trigger that you are completely unaware of.

@Redburnett this is way more serious than being 'hangry'.

He trashed her bedroom and threatened her! Stop minimising this.

Call the police when he is throwing things so they can hear the crashes in the background?

I have two sons with additional needs at home got to admit this is my biggest fear especially as my eldest already has gone through a violent and aggressive stage a couple of years ago I have warned him however that I will send him to live with his dad that I would rather pay child support than go through this with him again

I know your totally right. He does. I just don't understand why . I'm in no way perfect. But I have 100% done nothing wrong to him. With my other children we all have a standard relationship. I love my kids to bits and I don't know what I have done to make this way.

My older son has recently started to work for the police. I'm scared to call them as it could have an effect on him. I don't want to mess things up for him.

But also they take 6hrs to turn up. And don't actually do anything.

I'm so scared that he will abuse woman when he's older I really am.

@Ac0r4 my dd had her diagnosis by letter in March 2020, having had her assessment in the January.
Due to Covid, that was pretty much it, we had no further input from camhs.
I have done some reading and a Cygnet course but ADHD has never been on my radar, that there is some regulating medication is a revelation. I shall do some more reading, thank you.

My older son has recently started to work for the police.

Can he not get involved in this and help you out? Not in a professional capacity but as a big brother capacity? Little brothers often look up their big brothers, or at least have respect for what they say. He can use his position as a policeman to ram the point home but surely as a grown man and older brother he's in a position where he can help you with this?

If DS has been out of school for a while does he have an EHCP? If not, you should apply. If he does you need to ask for an early review or a reassessment of needs. MH therapies and assessments can be secured via this route without the need to sit on the normal waiting lists.

And are the LA providing alternative education arrangements?

With my other children we all have a standard relationship.

And how is their relationship with him? Have they not called him out on his abusive behaviour to you? Or have you hidden it from them?

999 and tell them you're all at Risk. . He's a very sick teenager

Your son is bullying you because he can. If you won't call the police and social services won't help then your family needs to step up. His sister and 'policeman brother' need to talk to him and you need some ground rules. You shouldn't be on the phone proving to your daughter that you have the right foods in your cupboard or thinking of buying a second freezer - stop pandering to everyone. What is he going to study at college? - due to funding cuts Further Education colleges do not tend to run much pre sixteen - is it something he actually wants to do?

No he can't because he's emotionally and mentally involved. Also generally as a police man he's not allowed to deal with personal issues /family in that way. It would have to be passed on. And if he was doing it as a big brother type thing even of duty he still has to act In a certain way and that could come back on him. Also ds does not look up to him at all. Older ds is also not here very often anymore. Because of teen ds.

He's starting college in September.

He refuses to engage in anything so theses things are near impossible to do. We had social services for a bit. They and me myself. Set some things up for him with therapy activities ect . And he refused them all .

I don't hide it from My daughter she often has him over to give me a break. But also he likes spending time there . I think her place has a more young vibe to it . She's quiet happy for him to be there . They often arrange Things between them.

Yesterday she did tell him to stop. With it all there was no Need for it. It was not worth his energy. And told him that he cant keep doing it to me ect . He then tried to turn it onto her . It was all a bit going in circles to be honest. It's hard to explain.

With my son I do keep it from him. Unless he happens to have seen it . It upsets him deeply and I don't want to put that on him.

Daughter was not actually checking on me she was letting me know what he was saying . I just went through what I had as part of the conversation.

The 2nd freezer I do actually need. And it would make it easier

I forget what the course is. It is actually for 14-16 year olds they can do GCSE or simlar. I know he's doing maths and English. I forgot the 3rd subject. The college sent out a letter offering him a place. But we still don't have it after a month . I have chased it up. But as its the summer I'm getting a reply. He has stayed positive about it though. So I'm hoping it will be a positive start for him.

So he only acts like this with you.

He's doing it because he can. I'd call Police for assault (throwing stuff at you) and domestic abuse.

He's just a fucking BULLY and if he doesn't learn consequences who is he going to bully in years to come?

It is often can’t engage, rather than won’t, and the provision/support offered needs adapting/altering so they can engage. Do apply for an EHCP if DS hasn’t already got one. Is the college course full time?

You need to be clearer about this college course. He is only 15, you are his parent, why do you not know exactly what he is doing? Colleges do not usually teach pre sixteen Maths, English or other GCSE's - there isn't the funding. Vocational courses maybe - but again unusual (I work in FE).

There are many colleges that have 14-16 programmes, including teaching E&M. Although some are not full time and are only available to EHE students.

This is what DS will be doing. I'm not engaging with the other poster. But yes this is it.

I think there's a whole lot more to this and the situation is probably many years in the making. The police would not have reported you to social services if it was clear your house had either A been trashed or B was just a bit untidy

You need professional help and to keep pushing for that and so that's the only real advice tbh

EHE and College courses - I can now see that I was wrong (it's not something my FE provider does). However why are you saying 'I wont 'engage with that poster' - is it because I couldn't understand why you don't know exactly what your 15 year old son is doing at College in September? - genuinely think this is part of the problem

And it sounds horribly chaotic. You're insinuating that you're not feeding your children properly. You say he wants proper food but you feel he should be fine with rustler burgers etc

Has he ever had his blood sugars checked?

For what?