Should I resign?

[ProseccoStorm]

I have a stressful job, before it was good stress but now it's bad stress.

Yesterday I had a panic attack / break down (I don't know how you'd classify it but it was bad) at work in my office.

I'm a grown women, leading a senior team and I was on the floor hiding behind a cupboard in my office wailing and unable to breath.

This isn't good.

My company is known for high stress levels, everyone senior is under immense pressure.

We have a nanny due to my job. My husband says I should just resign, I'll find something else and we keep our nanny on until I do. I want to work.

I'm embarrassed, ashamed that its failure, would rather find something first. At my senior level there aren't that many jobs. I am actively looking.

Should I resign? I can't think straight to make a decision, I'm broken and don't know what to do.

It's hard to learn, but there's no such thing as good stress.

Stress responses are designed to help you run away from a tiger. Not for performing soundly as an employee or as a human being.

Your body will have been suffering from the effects of that "good stress" for a long time - sleep, weight, organ function. Give it a break.

I'm speaking as the voice of BITTER experience here. You've likely been coping with stress that your body is not designed to handle long term. It may not be obvious now, but it will knock years off your life in the future and quality of life now unless you stop.

I would say it was the opposite of failure to leave a job which is so stressful it provokes an
extreme physical response.

I left a managerial position because the team was so toxic and the pressure so unbearable I was worried I would miscarry.

I am SO proud that I did that!

Our society makes us feel that money/power is what makes us successful. I totally changed my view on that once I left. I’m now incredibly happy and fulfilled, personally and professionally - that’s the best measure of success.

I changed jobs because of stress - I very nearly walked under a train because of it all. I was class based and all through covid, up until rules changed in Feb, staff who chose not to have the vaccine were off for 2 weeks isolating then came back for a week complaining how they missed work (!! Fuck off) then had to go off again because someone else got cocos and it was all just too much. Agency staff to cover were crap and not always cover available- madness.

I’ve had to remind myself a lot recently why I left that job as my new role isn’t fantastic but it isn’t as stressful and I’m pretty much left to get on with things. I miss my old job and my friends but is it worth the stress NO

Got covid not cocos ffs

Go off sick is the other option. Give yourself some breathing space to collect your thoughts. You have a week before you need a doctors cert. In that time you can plan what to do. I wouldn't soldier on. Tell them you have flu. Stay off a week. Things might become clearer in that time. Your husband sounds right to me.

Resign. Definitely.

Agreed

Don't make an important decision whilst under high stress if possible.

Step back, take time out to assess, then proceed with clarity / courage on chosen direction.

I agree with the suggestion to take time off sick and see GP. Any workplace worth working for should take this as a serious wake up call. Stress should be included as a specific H&S risk.

With time off to think, consider what would need to change at work to avoid it impacting your health? Is it more resources? Is it realignment of responsibilities? Better work/life boundaries?

I clicked on this thread because it’s exactly what I’m wondering too. @thecatsthecats your words really resonated and I felt quite emotional reading them.

You have the support of your husband and can afford to keep the nanny on for a while. What’s stopping you? Life is too short to be this stressed.

I think taking some time off on sick leave would really help.

OP please read up about burnout which is a very real and dangerous thing - you need to absolutely listen to your body. This was a massive warning sign.

Yes resign, keep the nanny if you can afford to and have some time off doing nothing except looking after yourself. Book a therapist session to offload.

I too am a voice of experience on this.

Thank you all.

It seems clear that I should resign but mentally I'm not there yet. I don't know why. A fear that perhaps I can turn it round, that it's me being weak not them being awful. Not sure.

Going sick is something DH mentioned but it's not a place that would ever take it well. It would be career ending. And they don't pay sick after 3 days (not that this matters but just to give the idea of the type of business)

Work know I had a panic attack due to stress, I had to be helped in the office and told my boss who is C level. He was concerned but the care went as far as 'take the afternoon off so you're on top form for the rest of the week'

Your workplace sounds vile. Bin the job and move on - in any direction - up, down, sideways, doesn't matter. Just bin them.

no sick after 3 days tells you all you need to know about your company. go off sick, take time to come up with a new plan

Do not resign OP.

Take some time off sick. Let the company pick up the slack.

See your GP, get counselling, in fact do whatever it takes to restore your mental health.

I can't believe that you don't get sick pay after 3 days? They have to pay you £99.35 pw SSP (Statutory Sick Pay) by law. Can you talk to Human Resources about this?

It seems clear that I should resign but mentally I'm not there yet. I don't know why.

Please please book a therapy session do you can unpack this. You can do online therapy. Don't ignore your body's signals. Life is too short.

You have not failed, your workplace is failing you.

How old are you OP? I ask because I felt like this, I just couldn't cope and kept bursting into tears. It turns out I am perimenopausal and I feel so much better now that I am on HRT - things at work are still stressful but I am able to manage it

I'm mid 30s so expect it is stress.

My ideal scenario is to leave with another job to go to.

I think I attach too much self worth to work. When I wasn't working I was so miserable and unfulfilled. Hence for me to resign in shame = bad person, no self worth = dark hole mentally

Call your GP get a sick line for stress, because that's what it is.

Have a week to chill,
And then start job hunting.
Meanwhile collect your SSP that you've been paying NI and Tax for.

No need to resign with nothing to go to.

You get one life. You want to spend it hiding behind cupboards and having panic attacks?

I would say it is clear that you need to leave this job. Your health is more important that this workplace.

Companies that expect people to constantly be under high-level of stress or meet impossible deadlines are toxic employers.

You are not a ''failure'' for leaving this type of workplace. It is the healthy and smart thing to do. If you have reached the point where you are having panic attacks and feel stressed all the time, you really need to take a good look at your current situation.

Start job-hunting and hand out your resignation.

The other factor is, you may be able to negotiate a pay off. So go off sick. Then if / when you feel strong enough call it constructive dismissal. They might just chuck some money at you to go away / good will gesture. Just remember this is them not you. They have done this to you. You are the strong one because you are standing up and saying no.

Start looking for another job - you’ll find one.

And make sure you get a few weeks off in between roles.