Should I resign?

[ProseccoStorm]

I have a stressful job, before it was good stress but now it's bad stress.

Yesterday I had a panic attack / break down (I don't know how you'd classify it but it was bad) at work in my office.

I'm a grown women, leading a senior team and I was on the floor hiding behind a cupboard in my office wailing and unable to breath.

This isn't good.

My company is known for high stress levels, everyone senior is under immense pressure.

We have a nanny due to my job. My husband says I should just resign, I'll find something else and we keep our nanny on until I do. I want to work.

I'm embarrassed, ashamed that its failure, would rather find something first. At my senior level there aren't that many jobs. I am actively looking.

Should I resign? I can't think straight to make a decision, I'm broken and don't know what to do.

I took sick leave from my last employer and was very stressed it might impact my being able to find another job. No one asked any questions where I would have to reveal it at all. No one cared.

Remember that no one says on their deathbed ‘I wish I’d of spent more time at work’. If your husband’s job can keep you both then it sounds time to step down to a less demanding job. This is not a failure but just a realisation that there are more things in life than work. Nobody will thank you for killing yourself at work certainly not the firm you work for. They will just put a new name on the door

Agree with PPs - go and see GP and explain and get signed off. My very competent, hard working friend has just been signed off in similar circumstances to yours. For three months. Her work colleagues sent her a v generous voucher to a local treatment spa. People do understand- and those that don't understand should be doing more to do so...

I think what you are suffering currently has probably happened to a significant number more people than you would imagine.

I'd go as far as saying it has probably happened to all the best of us at some point in our careers...

The three days only sick pay - are you sure? Are you not based in the UK?

Problem is, jobs like this are like cults in that they brainwash you into thinking you’re in an elite club and everyone outside it is somehow not as good.

My brother had one of these jobs. Had a heart attack from stress in his late thirties. Lifelong medication as a result. Don’t be my brother.

Walk away. Life outside cults is actually pretty nice.

I've double checked and it's actually straight into SSP.

I've talked it over with my DH and I don't think sick is the answer as it just delays the decision to leave, and makes it impossible to return (the business just doesn't do sick, like it doesn't to part time or remote or flexible hours etc) It's an old fashioned American ethos.

I managed to get through today without crying, which is a big win, and have focused on simple tasks. Manager asked once 'how are you feeling?', looked at me funny, and it hasn't been mentioned since. I was slightly expecting to be fired today tbh so at least that didn't happen.

My plan is see through the week and reassess, mindful of the advice not to rush a decision. I suspect I will be leaving but I'm not there yet.

I looked up the symptoms of burnout and I pretty much tick all the boxes

They only pay 3 days sick leave? Wow! You honestly need to resign its not worth it and frankly I would want to get out on case it got round I couldnt take that stress (bearing in mind you are job hunting).

Life is short. If you hate your job and can afford to leave then do it.

Its actually a great time to be looking for a new job. Recruitment is crazy and employers are offering all kinds of things to entice candidates.

You will find something in no time at all.

Fuck that company - they sound awful.

Go sick ( even if without pay) and use the time to get your shit together and start to get ready for another job.

I had 3 panic attacks in my last role ( client facing and enormously stressful) changed roles internally sideways and now much less stressed.

Life is too short. Leave under your own terms before your confidence is destroyed

Please get some legal advice and negotiate a payoff.

one of the most effective people I know had a breakdown due to work stress.

Echo what someone said above cults. It's very similar. Leave the cult! Walk away!

I had a break down from stress in my 30s. Over 25 years on, it still affects my life. Going off sick didn't really help. The job was the same when I got back and all the unhealthy things I did that made me sick, I just started to do again. It takes a lot of work to break those patterns and my self-esteem of always wanting to be perfect at everything wouldn't let me do it. Although, looking back, I was actually far from perfect!

You need to be aware that your behaviour that is making you stressed will go with you to other jobs. You need to learn to change your behaviour and the expectations you have of yourself.

And if you can afford it, look at leaving or taking a career break. If you don't, you'll find that someone else will make that choice for you because you've left it too late. Don't mess around with your mental health.

Hey @ProseccoStorm i was where you are 3 months ago - we're a similar age and by all accounts the way the businesses work sounds v similar except there were added complications with mine.

I could feel myself burning out amd struggling throughout the begining of the year, I'd been looking for other jobs but felt I wasn't ready to drop the bombshell of actually leaving despite the state I was in. One day, my DD5 was poorly - ever since I'd returned to work when she was 3 weeks old (I got harassed back) I had never had a day off to look after her, she'd go to my mums. On this occasion she was too poorly to even go to my mums and I had to take the day off to look after her. DP had her the day before but he had to work (same company) I warned them I probably wouldn't be in tomorrow and that's when the grief started, at one point it was suggested I bring her to the office with me. I took 1 day off. When I returned the next day I got called all sorts of names and got so much grief I just snapped. I turned round and walked out the door then had a panic attack and that was that.

The following weeks were difficult as I decompressed but 3 months down the line it was the best thing I've ever done. For 5 years I'd worked 5 days a week, no holiday, no time with my dd nothing. The job was incredibly stressful and demanding and the cost all of this had on me and my family was huge.

Like you, I can't not work. In the early days, just applying for jobs was making panic. Seeing responsibilities of similar level jobs was making me panic so I decided to go for an unrelated p/t job and see what happens.

Good luck OP, hope you're OK

Op take the sick leave you'll get SSP.
Honestly it will give you some time to look for another job. You can hand in your notice when you ve found something.

If you resign with nothing to go to you won't get a penny from the state.