Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Why is my friend so determined to convince me that I have 'severe' anxiety?

46 replies

TitaniasAss · 22/08/2022 22:57

Odd I know. Recently a good friend of mine seems hellbent on convincing me that I have very bad anxiety. I don't. At all. I get 'anxious' about things that lots of people do - things that I think are totally normal to feel a level.of stress and worry about. Some recent examples:

Starting a new job - didn't sleep much the night before.

DCs exam results due

Upcoming holiday

Being late - I get really wound up if I'm going to be late but that's just something I've always hated.

Crowded places - I don't like lots of crowds, never have, I feel uncomfortable.

These are all things that I think.are normal to be a little anxious about but friend is questioning me on every little thing and any concerns I have are my 'severe anxiety'. I think she's talking shite and it's starting to actually stress me out! She does suffer from anxiety - how do I talk to her about this gently without upsetting her?

OP posts:
Triffid1 · 22/08/2022 23:01

Well, your anxiety does seem a little more than normal. You dint say how anxious you are but assuming it's relatively high, is it possible your friend is genuinely concerned for you.

NeedAHoliday2021 · 22/08/2022 23:03

Dd1’s teacher told her she had anxiety. I explained to Dd that the things she gets anxious about are totally normal and many people feel the same. It’s only an issue if it actually stops you doing things you like or need to do to live normally. Dtds have minimal anxiety and their over confidence is terrifying! I hate that being anxious - a total normal emotion - is made out to be a medical condition that requires pills.

5zeds · 22/08/2022 23:03

Sounds unremarkable to me not “more than normal”. Just say “I really don’t think I do have severe anxiety and I don’t know how to get you to stop saying this stuff without upsetting you”

YellowPlumbob · 22/08/2022 23:05

Lol, that’s not severe anxiety.

I have severe anxiety, related to CPTSD. Your mate has no fucking idea.

Isaidnoalready · 22/08/2022 23:05

She feels bad about herself so she wants you to be "worse" I has a bad ex partner he financially ripped me off and was a twat in the end my friend delights in telling me how bad and how awful he is (we split 4 years ago) while bruised up from her "fiancé's" love taps it's just not a conversation I'm prepared to have my only reply is could be worse......and I go low contact until she gets over herself a bit (yes I do like her she just has issues right now)

EmmaH2022 · 22/08/2022 23:07

You have to tell her

she has a fixed idea of what's acceptable, if she can't be more open minded it's quite strange.

who sleeps normally the night before a new job? Not many I reckon.

TeapotTitties · 22/08/2022 23:09

I have anxiety seems to be something many people just trot out nowadays when they mean they feel a bit anxious about something completely normal.

A bit like So and so is bullying me when they've just had a minor falling out.

Or I have OCD when they just like everything tidy and in the right place.

It does real sufferers/victims no good whatsoever to have the condition kind of trivialised.

Jellybean23 · 22/08/2022 23:13

You sound fairly average to me. Could she be needing someone (you) to be in the same situation as herself so she doesn't feel so bad about her own anxiety?
The more she keeps on about it, the more it will be a self fulfilling prophesy!

Just tell her straight you don't want her to comment about it any more.
And if she doesn't stop, avoid her.

Original poster
TitaniasAss · 22/08/2022 23:19

Triffid1 · 22/08/2022 23:01

Well, your anxiety does seem a little more than normal. You dint say how anxious you are but assuming it's relatively high, is it possible your friend is genuinely concerned for you.

Do you really think so, are they not just things that lots of people get a bit stressy about at times? None of these things stop me going about my life - even crowds - I go to gigs and stuff so it doesn't stop me doing anything.

I feel that she might be looking for an 'anxiety buddy' but the way she keeps going is actually.starting to make me feel anxious!

OP posts:
Dinoteeth · 22/08/2022 23:19

I agree with the comments about her trying to normalise her own situation. Having someone else with anxiety.

Not sure how I'd deal with it but maybe comment back about self / amateur diagnosis isn't good for MH. And the more people tell you are anxious the more people feel it.

PeriodBro · 22/08/2022 23:24

The anxiety that you describe sounds normal and healthy to me.

Having an anxiety disorder is - well, nobody can diagnose you over the internet, but it would be interfering with your daily life.

www.theguardian.com/society/2022/may/07/anxiety-isnt-fun-but-can-be-healthy-facing-up-to-it-is-always-better-than-hiding

sundayvibeswig22 · 22/08/2022 23:25

Everybody gets anxious. Your examples are pretty normal and most people would feel anxious at those times (apart from maybe the crowded places one).

wellhelloitsme · 22/08/2022 23:38

"Can you stop saying I have severe anxiety as it's not exactly making me feel less anxious about anything... let's not mention it again as I don't want to fall out."

antelopevalley · 22/08/2022 23:55

Your anxiety is normal. Everyone gets anxious about some things. For you it is crowded places, for some people it might be heights, You still live your life and does it not stop you doing things.
Anxiety is a normal emotion.

BeanieTeen · 23/08/2022 00:01

You’re examples are all pretty normal in my opinion - as you say, you get anxious, you don’t have anxiety. Never mind ‘severe’.
Your friend is a pain in the arse arm chair psychologist. Not sure how to tell her gently. Maybe don’t talk to her about feeing anxious anymore, then she’s got nothing on you and there’s nothing to discuss.

TooHotToTangoToo · 23/08/2022 00:01

You're fine with it. So should she be. It's not negatively impacting you either.

I get wound up by the same things, I also consider it to be normal

YellowPlumbob · 23/08/2022 00:08

TeapotTitties · 22/08/2022 23:09

I have anxiety seems to be something many people just trot out nowadays when they mean they feel a bit anxious about something completely normal.

A bit like So and so is bullying me when they've just had a minor falling out.

Or I have OCD when they just like everything tidy and in the right place.

It does real sufferers/victims no good whatsoever to have the condition kind of trivialised.

Agreed.

I feel anxious about my Autistic child going into Y7 in September - entirely normal, I felt anxious when my elder, NT child started Y7. Most parents do.

The level of anxiety I feel over other things - such as when I have to visit my hometown to see my (lovely) Grandparents, in case I bump into one of my abusers = not normal and requires a couple of Diazepam, and has to be done when I have at least 2 days off work in a row because it fucking wipes me out.

Itstrueiagree · 23/08/2022 00:17

All seems like standard anxieties to me.
Maybe she's projecting onto you and wanting your anxiety seem worse than hers so that she doesn't feel so bad.
If she's making you feel worse instead of giving positive supportive comments then I'd consider rethinking the friendship.

traumahell · 23/08/2022 00:19

Severe anxiety’s a whole different ballgame of being offered to go for a coffee; but you can’t get out of the house to go because your mind is utterly convinced that this is the time you’ll die and it feels safer being indoors, because at least there you can be as anxious as you want without people staring or seeing … even though you desperately want the coffee, and company, but you can’t make your legs move towards the door because you’re paralysed by fear . It’s a living hell in every way .

TheOrigRights · 23/08/2022 00:19

TeapotTitties · 22/08/2022 23:09

I have anxiety seems to be something many people just trot out nowadays when they mean they feel a bit anxious about something completely normal.

A bit like So and so is bullying me when they've just had a minor falling out.

Or I have OCD when they just like everything tidy and in the right place.

It does real sufferers/victims no good whatsoever to have the condition kind of trivialised.

I totally agree with this.
The OCD one really annoys me when people use it as a reason for just being an annoying inflexible arse.

"Oh I'm OCD about that".
No, you just want me to do it your way.

I am entirely sympathetic to those who genuinely suffer with it, and those who get anxious about things being a certain way. It must be awful for people who struggle with it day to day to hear it thrown about with a little laugh.

NellBeau · 23/08/2022 00:25

Yeah, if you are living a normal life you don’t have severe anxiety. I wouldn’t even say I have severe anxiety and I’d never go to a gig or anything like that.

netflixandnaps · 23/08/2022 00:31

'Severe anxiety/panic disorder' is what I have and I cannot function day to day as a normal person.

Please get your friend to research it. You have anxiety/stress related to situations that would cause a normal person to react the same.

When your life is consumed with anxiety and anxiety physical symptoms, that's when it's severe.

FlyingMasticatedParticles · 23/08/2022 00:32

I suffer from severe anxiety and OCD and I'm so grateful for this thread. It really bothers me when things like normal everyday nerves/stress get misdiagnosed as anxiety. It's a living hell and I wish people would stop trivialising it.

notangelinajolie · 23/08/2022 00:41

Sounds like you get anxious in stressful situations just like most people would and that’s perfectly normal.
I agree, your friend is looking for an ‘anxiety buddy’.

Forgiveitall · 23/08/2022 00:50

Everyone gets stressed not anxious. Anxiety is more serious . The word is being thrown around these days.