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Original poster

Just a vent upset for my son

53 replies

workiskillingme · 21/08/2022 12:35

He's 6. Nobody has asked us to meet in the holidays and I've messaged a few people who have just ignored me or said they can't make it. I know people are away but to just ignore is pretty shitty. He keeps asking me weekly why he can't see any of his friends this week

OP posts:
No2incoming · 21/08/2022 12:37

Do you have any good friends or family members with children that you can meet up with instead? Does his school have any summer school days or things you can sign him up to?

JubileeTissues · 21/08/2022 12:38

We have only met with family or very close friends. Holidays and visits to family as well as spending time relaxing at home mean we wouldn't really have time. It's not personal

Original poster
workiskillingme · 21/08/2022 12:38

No we don't all my friends kids are much older

OP posts:
Omnivert · 21/08/2022 12:41

Do you ask to meet or offer to have a friend for a day ? I find people are much more available for the latter 😁 with a bit of luck they will then return the favour !

lickenchugget · 21/08/2022 12:41

Yes agree to above, people can’t be bothered to mwet
but if someone offered to have mine for the day, I’d bite their hand off 😉

lickenchugget · 21/08/2022 12:42

And reciprocate

NanaNelly · 21/08/2022 12:46

Op, I can well understand that you feel upset and one way to hopefully avoid this kind of situation going forward is to start inviting children for tea or a play date when the new school year starts.

Curlyarmpits · 21/08/2022 12:46

I agree it's not personal. When mine were that age I found school holidays exhausting and to arrange play dates added to the stress and exhaustion rather than easing it. I just couldn't be bothered with it. I have 3 close in age so they just played together, well that was on a good day, mostly it was fighting and arguing. So to add another child into that was just further hassle, as was taking one of them to a friend's house meaning all of us getting in the car. Sorry to sound such a miserable cow, just being honest. No excuse for ignoring you though.

Prey200 · 21/08/2022 12:51

Is your child an only? We have the same problem. He rarely sees many friends in the holidays as people with more than one don't really do play dates round here. Luckily, there is another only child he's struck up a friendship with so towards the end of the holidays they saw each other twice. Any other only children in your son's class?

I'm always the one initiating playdates since son was 6 and I would often have the sibling as well if they got on well with my son. One child we have had over multiple times over the last couple of years but no reciprocation. It's a shame as your kid doesn't understand why their friend doesn't want them over.

Imthedamnfoolwhoshothim · 21/08/2022 12:53

I have three. To be honest the summer holidays are a time for me to have a break from the constant back and forth and forced socialisation. We have been to a few birthday parties but other than that I don't want to do play dates.
It's probably nothing to do with you but between kids and work I think people are just fed up.
And I'm also awful at responding. Life is just to busy now. There's just to much going on.

SimonaRazowska · 21/08/2022 12:54

Meeting up is a bit non-specific and potentially expensive?

I always just asked if so-and-so fancied coming over for the afternoon, they'd play, I'd give them tea. Parents often reciprocate

But if you want your kid to get invited, the first step is to invite other kids to yours

LaTangerina · 21/08/2022 12:56

Prey200 · 21/08/2022 12:51

Is your child an only? We have the same problem. He rarely sees many friends in the holidays as people with more than one don't really do play dates round here. Luckily, there is another only child he's struck up a friendship with so towards the end of the holidays they saw each other twice. Any other only children in your son's class?

I'm always the one initiating playdates since son was 6 and I would often have the sibling as well if they got on well with my son. One child we have had over multiple times over the last couple of years but no reciprocation. It's a shame as your kid doesn't understand why their friend doesn't want them over.

It won't be the friend doesn't want them over though it will be down to the parent & the kid won't get a choice.
I always try to reciprocate playdates & have friends over but there's been times when my house needs sorting or my other kids have been having friends over instead so I'm not able to do it quickly.
If someone never invites your kid back (and you don't see them inviting other classmates back) then there's a reason the parent doesn't want/can't have kids over. Could also just be down to pure selfishness but not usually I think.

LaTangerina · 21/08/2022 13:00

OP when he's back at school I'd encourage him to have a few different friends & invite them over for a playdate/tea, even offer to collect them after school then drop them home after if you can, so it makes it easy for the other parent.
He will make these friendships yet he's still very young.

NerrSnerr · 21/08/2022 13:05

The summer holidays are really busy for some families. We find the juggle of balancing work, childcare and actually having some family time really hard and don't have much time for play dates.

Summerfun54321 · 21/08/2022 13:15

My 6 year old goes to holiday clubs and sees friends there. Many parents work over the holidays or are away so aren’t around for play dates.

Quveas · 21/08/2022 13:17

I have some sympathy, but you are being somewhat unreasonable. It sounds like you are messaging people who are neither family nor friends, and expecting some random parents to want to spend time with you / your son because he happens to know them from school. These sorts of things are best organised face to face and in advance. And if there is nobody else around then there play groups, summer activities and so on you can sign up to. At 6 pretty much everyone he meets will be his new best friend or his mortal enemy within an hour - possibly both in a single day. But many people aren't good at messaging, especially if they aren't close to you and are busy with their own lives. There's still some time until the schools go back, and around here there are lots of activities etc in the local parks and centres - especially next weekend. Why not have a look at what is going on in your local area and just go?

MajorCarolDanvers · 21/08/2022 13:22

Summerfun54321 · 21/08/2022 13:15

My 6 year old goes to holiday clubs and sees friends there. Many parents work over the holidays or are away so aren’t around for play dates.

Agree.

At 6 mine were booked into holiday clubs and as I was working we wouldn't have been available for meeting up.

It's nothing personal.

Now mine are a bit older and I wfh they just go out to play with children nearby. Nothing prearranged or organised. .

Letsmoveon · 21/08/2022 13:26

We have a similar situation with DS(7) - most of his friends are either in full-time childcare, away on holiday, and some don’t do play dates at all with anyone.

Tomorrow I’ve booked him into the same holiday club at our local leisure centre that one of his best friends attends twice a week in the holidays. His parents put the friend in a club just to break up the monotony and loneliness that holidays can bring (they don’t do play dates at all) and if DS enjoys it that’s what we might do going forward, particularly for the long summer holiday. Is this something you could consider?

In the meantime perhaps try and take your DS places where there is likely to be lots of other children, and if he’s anything like my DS he might find another child to play with I.e soft play, farm parks, playgrounds, library, any local activities such as a nature reserve near us does pond dipping and bug hunt sessions for £6 etc.

It is, however, rude not to reply to someone when they suggest a playdate regardless of how busy they claim to be.

Dadaya · 21/08/2022 13:27

Mine are booked into holiday clubs because I work, or they’re with elderly grandparents. This is the case for many families nowadays, it’s not like when we were kids and we all had mums at home and played together during the holidays. Times have changed, unfortunately what you’re expecting doesn’t really happen any more.

Outlyingtrout · 21/08/2022 13:31

Yeah it's not personal. Lots of parents are still working, kids in holidays clubs or with grandparents, holidays, days out, trying to get big jobs done on the house etc. Tbh i feel like term time is so uber structured and such a rush to get to all the clubs and activities and play dates and everything. I like not having tons of set plans over summer. We've done a few meet ups with friends but we haven't gone to all of them. It's not a personal thing OP.

FatAgainItsLettuceTime · 21/08/2022 13:47

Mine has been at holiday club 4 days a week and at friends/family arranged weeks ago for the other day while I work so wouldn't be free for any play dates.

Unless all his friends parents are SAHPs I'd guess they made their plans well in advance and aren't available for adhoc meet ups. Summer holidays are a logistical nightmare that require military level planning and spending a fortune.

LynetteScavo · 21/08/2022 14:31

Have you asked if their DC would like to come over to play, any time that suits them? Or offered to take a DC out somewhere?

Penguinfeather781 · 21/08/2022 14:46

We don’t really see the kid’s school friends in the holidays, especially over the summer. They spend six hours a day with them in term time, they actually need a break and time to do other things and see other people. And I’ve usually had enough of making small talk with school parents on play dates by that point. We also do a lot of travelling, day trips, family visits etc so we don’t have a lot of free time. I wouldn’t ignore you (unless I didn’t get the message because my phone was out of range/switched off), but I would reply that afraid we were busy but looked forward to seeing you in September. It wouldn’t be personal or reflect anything about you or your son.

edwinbear · 21/08/2022 15:05

I can't do play dates in the holidays either as I work FT. It's hard enough trying to manage childcare and work in the holidays, without having to add play dates into the mix.

Whowhatwherewhenwhynow · 21/08/2022 15:07

Do you have a parent Facebook or WhatsApp group for his class? If so maybe post that you are going to x park at x time and that anyone is invited to meet you there.

otherwise like people suggested maybe invite a child for a play date to yours.