Trauma - can’t get out of bed

[traumahell]

I’ve spent virtually the last eight days in bed, or sitting on top of it .

GP said I have PTSD, but the waiting list for NHS therapy is very long, estimated start of treatment from the team I’ve been assessed by is January 2025 .

I’ve been passed on to another couple of teams but again, long waiting lists and GP said as long as I can function to an extent I’m not high priority, not at risk etc .

I’m hardly moving . I’m eating sometimes, occasionally walk to the kitchen and force myself to eat a meal, though I think I’m a bit dehydrated now, definitely not drinking enough . But the rest of the time I can’t bear the reality of what’s happening in my life that I just want to shut my eyes, close the curtains and sleep so I don’t have to face it anymore .

Most of the day I just count down the hours until it’s acceptable to go to sleep again .

I’m either crying or panicking or staring silently at the ceiling .

I don’t know what to do .

My usual supports are all otherwise occupied this week and as such as I’ve spent every day alone since last Friday .

I’m desperate . I’ve had a mental health crisis 2 or 3 times and this feels like another big crash but experiende tells me even with that you’re months before the NHS help and need to actively seriously harming, etc, before they do anything .

The trauma thing is ongoing, no matter what I do I can’t make my peace with it . I’m having nightmares every single night about it, and it’s all I think about in the daytime .

Are you on any antidepressants ?
What happens when you need fresh food ?

Is there anyone else local you can reach out to, just someone to come and sit with you? Where are you? I’d happily come and sit with you 💐

Do you want to tell us about the trauma? Sometimes it helps to write it down.

I have complex ptsd due to childhood issues and medical trauma and I couldn’t stay in bed as I need other things to focus on otherwise it all becomes overwhelming. I know it sounds like a massive mountain to climb when you’re struggling so much but could you get out for a walk / put the tv on / do something to distract yourself?

I’m sorry you’re feeling so low.

It’s much the same, childhood stuff but one of my parents is now terminally ill which has added a whole different hell to the situation . So many horrible mixed feelings about everything .

I’m on antidepressants, and beta blockers, to be honest neither feel like they do anything - antidepressants are meant to be quite sedating too which I have a feeling isn’t helping much .

GP has previously given me diazepam in the last to get out of a rut, or zopiclone, but I’m scared of becoming dependant .

I’m so sorry you’re going through this.

Would it help to speak here about the ongoing trauma?

In practical terms, can you go to the kitchen and bring a couple of water bottles back to the bedroom? Some easy to eat snacks like biscuits, fruit?

I feel for you OP. Echo writing it down can help.
Maybe start with the nightmares- write them down.
Can you pop on headphones and listen to something- a podcast/music.. something that sort of talks to you?

I managed to get to the door the other day to get a Tesco delivery thankfully as was down to very little fresh food … I haven’t eaten much of it, stupidly bought things I’d have to make into proper meals without thinking that I really don’t have the energy or the want just now .

OMG! Inappropriate emoji!! - was supposed to be flowers.

I didn’t even notice, that made me smile at least .

I’ve got some water yes, will try to get a Tesco order of stuff I could eat without too much effort .

The nightmares are always the same - I always know parent is dying in them which is very difficult, but I don’t know if I’d feel worse if I didn’t know and woke up and remembered .

The nature of their illness means they wouldn’t recognise me at all now, I haven’t visited them for a couple of months but they wouldn’t know me anymore . Sometimes I think I should be relieved by that but mostly just sad, and absolutely terrified of the future . Them not being themselves anymore has given me a lot of space and time to think and that’s very difficult, it’s led to me looking back at childhood in a very different way, but I’m finding that’s leaving me feeling incredibly guilty - as though I’m betraying my parents by admitting they made lots of mistakes .

I can relate to a lot of what you say.

My abusive Mum died of bowel cancer in 2019 and I had very mixed emotions. It’s okay to say your parents were shit. There’s a social expectation that you shouldn’t say bad things especially when someone is dying but it’s ok to admit these things to yourself. When my Mum died it was a relief.

When my DH was struggling to eat, due to anxiety, he found things that slip down easier were best. Such as tinned peaches.
Keep yourself clean and fed/watered, and keep going 💐

Hi, if you're not able to eat try complan. You can make it with water or milk. You just drink it and it will give you some vitamins and some energy. Be kind to yourself. x

I'm sorry. A couple of things occur to me,

One is, accept that you feel awful, that crap things have happened, and you are still recovering. If you need to sit and do sod all, then do it.
In the longer term, yes you need balance and fresh air and all that stuff. Address that when some of your support is back in place. All you have to do right now is basics, eat and drink.

Eating and drinking- tinned custard is good. Ice cream. Yogurt. Things that need no prep, can be eaten straight from the can if necessary. Because they are liquid, you don't need as much water.

I used to struggle to open my mouth when things were tough. Not to talk, not to eat or drink. It was like a compulsion to stay shut down.

I wish i could say something that would make things better for you.

Bear in mind you won't feel like this forever.

Ask for help. x

Here are some flowers.

@picklemewalnuts that is really good advice. Also tell yourself you won’t feel like this forever, right now is whatever gets you through.

drink milkshakes too.

Wanted to say thank you so much, the posts on here really helped on Saturday . I managed to talk to someone last night, via 111, who was lovely and chatted away to me on the phone for a bit . She said something similar that it will get better, eventually, won't feel like this forever even though it feels like it will just now .

Managed to get a couple of things delivered from Morrisons yesterday, which helped a bit, so had a little bit to eat .

Spoke to a GP at my surgery this afternoon too - she was very helpful, said way I'm feeling is normal/natural but said I sound absolutely exhausted (mentally) and said she suspects I'm not getting a decent quality sleep at all - said thats probably causing the nightmares, so she's giving me zopiclone for 7 days to try and get some proper sleep, and referred me to primary care mental health for more immediate support . Said if I feel at risk at all to nip across the road to A&E and they should be able to provide help of some sort .

Going to try and go up to the surgery tomorrow to get those prescriptions, and I've got a Tesco order coming in the afternoon with things I can cook easily .

I've managed to shower this afternoon too which is a positive .

I suppose it's just putting one foot in the front of the other for a while .

Well done, you’ve done so well!

That is amazing op. Such a step forwards. I really help the meds help you to get some sleep. ❤️

Oh well done - your GP sounds lovely and you are brilliant for advocating for yourself and sorting Tesco and all sorts. Really well done.

I like this from Stephen Fry: It will be sunny one day.

Well done! That's great news. You've done really well, and she's right. You won't always feel like this.

I think you have done fantastically well to phone and speak to so many people and get your food deliveries sorted. I dont really know if this will help much but when I was in a similar place the best advice I was given was
"If you can't do it at least do something"
So for example:

if you can't cook a meal at least eat something.

If you can't have a shower at least brush your teeth

If you can't go for a walk at least sit downstairs instead of in your bedroom

If you can't clean the house at least wash the dishes

If you can't wash the dishes at least wash 1 plate

Etc etc.

I found this way of thinking really helpful so just thought I'd share in case it helps you.

Have you tried Lamotragine it is an epilepsy drug that is prescribed off label, it might be worth speaking to your GP or mental health team.

Blunts as this may seem you may start to feel better when they're dead.

Part of me wonders if you’re right . It’s very like a weird limbo at the moment where mind is gone but body is still there to a degree and it’s so very difficult to cope .

I remember I once looked after a patient who had a horrendous injury, remember their adult DC came in once and never again, I saw them a couple of years later on the bus and wondered if they’d made their peace with the situation .

I’ll definitely go up to the surgery tomorrow for the sleeping pills, I half wish I’d done it tonight but when the doctor rang I was still not showered and by the time I was able to go it was too close to the chemist closing .

One of the people who usually supports me a lot texted me tonight just to check in, and said ‘goodnight, sweet dreams’ . Made me feel very safe . Feel stupid as a grown woman enjoying that but it was such a lovely thing to say .

I’ll ask about lamotrigine, when I was last under a MH team it was suggested they add venflaxine to my prescription but GP at the time was less than keen as said was concerned about poly pharmacy and side effects . The one today told me if I want to switch drugs she wouldn’t expect any improvement in symptoms until October-November at least .