Can I talk a situation over with you & will you tell me what you would do?

[ColinRobinsonsfamiliar]

Older relative, 82.
Extremely hard worker all his life, own business, very very comfortable.
Sold everything on retirement and moved abroad with his wife.
Long term rented an apartment, lived very happily for 20 years abroad.

Rewind, had a wife, 3 young kids, met a woman at one of his businesses. She abandoned her 3 small kids, he abandoned his 3 kids and they moved in together. Neither bothered with their previous families at all, contact, financially, nothing.
He and new women married, had another child.

Both extremely driven, built up the business, workaholics.
New child pretty much abandoned but had money, gifts, whatever their heart desired they got. Very privileged (but emotionally neglected) childhood.
As an adult, arrested,drugs, theft etc. Served in prison. Never had a job. Provided for 100% by parents way into 20”s, 30”s, 40”s. Moved abroad with parents.

Oldest child of elderly male relative (from 1st marriage) built up a lovely relationship with his dad as an adult. Visited him abroad many times, got on well.

Fast forward to now. Elderly relative is now penniless and homeless due to son (2nd marriage) taking every last penny to fund drugs, fruitless and useless business plans which all went nowhere very quickly.
His wife died of cancer 5 years ago, son refused to help and showed no interest in his mother while unwell, dying, end of life.

So son from 1st marriage has paid airfare for both to come back, has his dad staying in his box room while helping him sort out financial support and housing. His health is poor, he is frail. Had obviously not been eating or able to afford medical care of medications during last months/weeks abroad.

Now wayward son is manipulating elderly relative to get accommodation, claim benefits and claim he is his carer. He is also telling him that they should go back abroad. In other words, he has ruined him, financially abused him and wants to carry that on.
we also know that there has been physical abuse and elderly relative is frightened of the son.

Elderly relative will not listen to ANY advice, will not hear anything negative about son, is now trying to make up his mind what to do.

How would you sort out this mess?????

Why did he pay for the son to come back ? He should have left him behind let him get in with it.
The father should think himself lucky his first son wants anything to do with him frankly. Disgusting way to treat people him and his second wife.

The first son obviously is a very good forgiving person because I'dnot have anything to do with them

The crux of the current issue is housing.

Elderly relative needs to be out of the box room and housed elsewhere so that anything that goes on from there doesn’t impact kindly son.

There is warden controlled housing that I have found that is available in the area.
This would be perfect.
Until finances are sorted, this can’t happen but as he has lived abroad for so long, I’m not sure he will be entitled to anything.

This thread has turned into a bit of s tangle around what people deserve and feel.

Sincere apologies to those who have been hurt or affected by the content of the thread.
Its a totally stressful shitshow for those close to this.

I really wanted practical advice re benefits and housing possibilities rather than who should and shouldn’t deserve what.

It seems that as ER has capacity, social services and assessments will not be the route to go.
It seems that POA isn’t either due to consent for this from ER.

So the best move is ER getting rehoused asap to live independently.

Thanks all x

If ER has lived outside UK for long period, is he entitled to social housing? I don't know how these things work.

it seems he needs persuading to move into warden controlled,
take the warden controlled out of the phrase,
he needs to move into his own accommodation

True MrsLarge nail on the head right there.

I really wanted practical advice re benefits and housing possibilities rather than who should and shouldn’t deserve what.

But OP- You haven't even clarified if elderly man is even entitled to claim any benefits/NHS/housing in the UK??? He was abroad 20yrs! Surely that is the 1st step- to clarify his status in the UK.

If ER moved abroad when he retired but paid NI all his working life he might be entitled. Maybe GOV UK sight will have info about this. Right to be housed by local council may require residing in the area for 2 years and family links in the same area. A call to adult social services might enlighten. Or council housing team.

This!!

And this!!

It's crazy that a wealthy man wouldn't have ring fenced some money for his old age, at the very least he should gave a big private pension, wayward son can't be blamed for that. Since he has made no provision for his old age he has to rely on social services, he is very lucky that kind son is supporting him but that can only go so far. He has only himself to blame for his limited choices now.

Age UK might be the best source of info. Here:

www.ageuk.org.uk/information-advice/money-legal/benefits-entitlements/returning-to-the-uk-after-living-abroad-heading/

What does ER actually want to do? Where does he want to live and how does he intend to pay for it?

Elderly relative won't get help with housing or benefits unless he passes the 'habitual residence test', which seems unlikely if he's just returned after many years abroad.

I know when my fil was looking to move into warden assisted accommodation provided by the local council he had to be a resident of the city for at least 5 years.
As for assessment for capacity, I don't know what training they get, or the ones who assessed my fil had, but he convinced them he could do everything fine and needed no help. Absolutely wasn't the case.
I don't have any advice as to what kindly son should do, but if his father moves somewhere on his own, wayward son will no doubt wheedle his way in.

Thank you so much for the links, really really helpful.

ER doesn’t know what he wants to do. He has been just trying to get well I think over the last 6 weeks of being here.

Again, thank you so much for the excellent practical advice, very much appreciated.