No invites this summer

[Seago678]

Anyone else's kids never get invited to play or to see friends in the summer? Almost year three now, and I know it's got to be two way but I feel for them! (Last summer I had kids round, no invites in return so I have tried before to reach out - I just find it exhausting as my kids have aln)...am I alone in this?

What does aln mean?
If I was in your position I would just do as much as I can ie days out, fun activities.
What ages are your kids?

I have 3 daughters and kids are always wanting to play at ours because we have a "fun house" my daughters have never asked to play at anyone else's house, they are happy to play with each other.

Sorry if this doesnt help OP, just wanted to give you another perspective....

Well done you 'fun' mum aren't you flipping fabulous, one of the least helpful posts I've seen in ages.

Do you have a class whats app group? You could put a message on there asking if anyone wants to meet up at the park

Aln means additional learning needs - neurodiverse. Thanks, I do try being the one to invite - it's just tiring always being the one to invite ...first world problems I know though.

Some (lots of) parents are working, kids are in clubs or at grandparents etc… It isn’t always because everyone else is off with one another.

Yes, could try that...I guess I need to reach out more. Just conscious of the silence the other way.

I agree, we've also been the same with keeping the kids busy - just noticed this that was all. Wasn't sure if it is just us being insular maybe.

Oh dear, that first response was just tragic. Such a lack of self awareness! How old are your dc? Maybe try inviting some friends over again this year and they may return the invite. Focus on their closest friends from school and organise a few play dates. If you don’t get any back, try not to overthink it, just allow your children to enjoy playing with the others.

Thank you @User135792468 - yes I agree. I think because I'm quite a socially anxious person reaching out takes a lot of effort and it exhausts me....but I need to dig deeper!

I haven’t got small kids anymore but I can imagine that after lockdown people have become a little less gregarious. It’s happened with adult socialisation too - people have got out of the habit and now can’t be arsed.

We’re working so mostly DS is in holiday club, or if we’re off work, we’re taking him on days out. We have to book holiday club well in advance so we can’t do many impromptu play dates. Maybe most of your DC’s friends are in the same situation?

@User135792468 its been really hard getting back into it all again I've found.

With kindness OP, what are your children's additional needs?
Do they play well with others in school for example or do they snatch or exclude children?
There was a girl in my daughters class years ago that tried to befriend my daughter. Unfortunately she didn't know how to socialise and ended up physically hurting my my daughter quite badly.
Her mother still tried to arrange play dates but I had to put a stop to them as my child wanted nothing to do with her after this incident.
Obviously I could be way off tangent but it is worth thinking about.

The thing with summer holidays is everyone has totally different schedules and are usually managing the childcare/working juggle alongside taking trips away or hosting/seeing family. It’s quite hard to plan in playdates then. I think if you live in an area where the kids can play out it’s easier, but if you need to be around to host a play date at home it’s much harder.

I’d bet there’s others feeling the same though. Stick a post on your class WhatsApp that say ‘We’re heading to X park with a picnic tomorrow if anyones free to meet up - we’ll be by the playground at X time, all welcome!’ See what happens.

@Grumpypants78 great username for you. I didnt say I was a fun mum, well done for assuming Im the mum...

OP thank you for clarifying what aln means. Sorry if my post was harsh, I didn't mean it to be.

We've done far fewer playmates with school friends this summer. The older they get the more they want a break from everything to do with school IME.
If you're feeling like your dc would like a playmate though send out some messages, there's no shame in being the first to invite, some parents just don't think to.

@ThinkingForEveryone I don't mind you asking.... autistic spectrum & ADHD - so yes occasionally there can be fallings out etc...if they are with a good friend no issues at all on the whole. But it does require some understanding from the other parent if things go a bit wrong...which isn't that often.

@Grumpypants78 I didn't read your post that way xx

@Schooldil3ma thank you xx I agree we've all needed a break I think!!!

@NoSquirrels thank you, I wish we did live on an estate with other kids nearby - our street is a mixed bag of young professionals and elderly neighbours. I agree about the schedules and worth looking at it that way. I like the WhatsApp idea too.... I'd run it by my kids first as because of their autism sometimes that sort of social scenario can be overwhelming...I will try though X

For me play dates stopped during covid and have never really started again. That goes for me inviting as well as dd being invited. I just don't have the head space for them anymore. Unfortunately it will be harder if dc are ND too. Not everyone can manage that or they don't feel confident to. The last dc we had round was a favour to her mum and she was so incredibly rude to me and dd. I know the DC's background and the reasons behind the behaviour but I work all day with challenging behaviour, am a single parent and don't want to have to deal with it in the little free time I have too.

reach out on your local Facebook groups. There tends to be autism groups for local areas if you look. Ask on there.

That said I have the same issue with my DC, my eldest is going to a specialist school in September and I've already met loads of lovely families through it. It gets better op.

Are there any local groups for ASD near you? We had one and even a couple of sessions booked in meant I felt a bit less isolated during the holidays. It does get easier as they get older.

My dd has had the same child round to play with Gdd umpteen times. The mother hasn’t once invited Gdd back. She told dd that she ‘doesn’t do’ play dates, aka she CBA.

@Seago678 would your children enjoy something like beavers/scouts? They tend to be quite tolerant of differences and could be a nice way to make a few extra friends out of school.